Oh fucking shit. My Dad has accidentally sent me an email revealing that he is paying for sex.

[namechangedforethicaldilemma]

My Dad has been married to my step-mum for quite a few years, she is lovely, I really like her. My Dad originally split from my Mum when I was tiny because he cheated on her.

I'm borrowing my dad's holiday home next week, so he has been forwarding me emails between himself and the hire car provider as he has organised it with a guy he knows. He has accidentally forwarded me a thread between himself and a 21 year old (vom. I'm 34) where they discuss meeting for sex and money being exchanged.

What in the name of holy fuck do I do now? I'm fucking shaking.

You have to discuss it with your DP I don’t think you’ll be able to keep this a secret from him then maybe arrange to meet with your dad and discuss it. Either that or just delete the email, you have to weigh up whether you can keep a secret or not. Your choice entirely. But definitely tell your partner just in case you start acting withdrawn or emotional. You need the support.

I would put yourself in the position of your poor stepmum.

I really don't think ignoring is at all a possible option - you see them together, as family members, how could you ignore and pretend?!

Remember this is your Dad's doing not yours. And what a horrible person he sounds.

He is putting her health at huge risk.

I'd do nothing....maybe op's dad and stepmum no longer have sex and stepmum is aware that he is paying for sex....

maybe ...stepmum is aware that he is paying for sex

... And maybe she isn't. God, can you imagine if she isn't??

That's not something I could risk being the case, to be frank.

And if she knows, she knows. "I know about that already, but thanks for your concern" - no harm done.

Reply sorry those dates don't work for you!

Genius!

I can’t believe people are saying to delete and forget about it. I would never forget if I’d found out my dad was doing that. It would change my relationship completely with him.

I think elderflower has it right tbh.

I'm staggered at how many people are saying do nothing. So you wouldn't want to know if your other half was cheating on you and/or sleeping with prostitutes? I'm sure there are a few people who'd prefer to bury their heads and not know though.

Op, only you can decide what's right for you. What I'd do is neither here nor there.

Agh how awful! I agree though, your poor step mum has a right to find out... somehow. Good luck with that

What a shit situation to be in.

However I'm incapable of keeping my mouth shut.

I'd forward it to step mum

Oh gosh.

If it was you in your StepMum's position - what would you want? Would imagine you'd want to know.

I think you need to talk to your Dad first. If the situation then blows up (which it will, your Step Mum needs to know) do not let him blame you - this is not your fault. It is entirely of his own making (and stupidity for forwarding that to you).

First of all, don't be embarrassed, this is not you're doing .

Secondly, nevermind forwarding the email back, witty replies or ignoring it, go and see him and have it out with him.

I know he's your dad but he's being a dirty old man ( putting it lightly) paying a woman for sex.

When you see his reaction you'll know what to do next.

This is all his doing.

Really can’t believe people think it’s ok to delete and do nothing. This would change the way I saw my dad and I would be disgusted with myself if I let my poor stepmum carry on living in the dark and having her health put at risk. If she knows already (I bet she doesn’t) then no harm done. If she doesn’t, then at least she can make choices about her life and health.

ratrolypoly Thanks, that helps. If I were in my step mum's shoes right now I'd want to know.

My relationship with my Dad is great. He's a fantastic grandfather, DP and I get on with him really well, we visit just to hang out with them as often as we can. My relationship with my Step Mum is also excellent. She is much younger than my Dad (she is around 10 years older then me, I realise how this sounds) and I consider her a friend.

There isn't a good way out of this is there?

Well, if it was my dad, I'd say 'Dad, that is absolutely fucking grim. Up to your old tricks again? The tiny bit of respect I had left for you has finally gone out the window. I'm guessing SM doesn't know about this. I suggest you come clean before she finds out and someone tells her. My morals won't allow me to sit here and watch you do someone else over. Sort yourself out!'. But that's me.

I'd do nothing.
Delete it and move on, whilst he is your parent, it's not your marriage.
That's just my opinion though.

Do feel for you though, must have been a huge shock! But in your shoes I'd not want to be involved in potentially ending someone else's marriage/causing a family issue.

Delete, delele. Do not acknowledge. No good can come of you admitting you saw it. Your DF will want you to keep it secret, your DSM will feel horribly betrayed if you do. Do NOT talk to your DF about this, their marriage is their business, and you will just find yourself embroiled in something you never wanted to know.

However he should not go unpunished. Sign him up to every mailing list you can think of. Actually, that might be a good way of outing him.

I'd want to tell your stepmother, for sure.
I'm so sorry, for you and your stepmother (even though she doesn't know - yet) that this has come out, it sounds like a really tough situation for you, but I really think she ought to be told.

I wonder how many people who are saying pretend you didn't see it, would feel if they found out their partner had cheated and other people had known, but not wanted to get involved? I know I wouldn't want to keep someone else's dirty secrets, especially not from another loved one.
Not everyone leaves when they find out but surely being able to make an informed choice to carry on or not is better? Like PPs pointed out, he's putting her sexual health at risk.

Your dad has made a choice, and since cheating was what finished his last marriage he must know how it would affect your stepmother (even if he'd only be sorry he got caught, iykwim). Speak to him, though not sure what you'd say to be honest, but certainly talk to her too, and show her the emails as proof.

Good luck with whatever you decide, OP

Problem is this e-mail from your dad cannot simply be unseen now. What would burying your head in the sand achieve?.

I would not cover for your dad at all and I would tell him face to face that you received this e-mail that was clearly meant for someone else.

I would send the email back to your dad with 'we need to talk'. His reaction to that would decide next steps.

If I was your dad and you brought it up with me, I’d just tell you SM was aware and they have an open marriage. It’s not like you’re going to ask her is it?

You need to talk to SM.

You reply and say

"I just saw you sent me an email but my computer would not let me open it because it has really strong spam/junk mail filters and apparently the contents was from a spam email address or something. Stupid computer confusing you with spam. Can you send it again?"

Your Dad might be already aware that he sent it to you in error, in which case you really need to get a chat with him.

If he can see he sent you it, there's no denying that you know something is happening and the both of you keeping quiet and pretending will further damage your relationship - and also that with your SM.
I think you will feel less scared about things if you go to him with it first and take it from there.

If you step-mum does know and chooses to ignore it, it'll be a short, awkward conversation for both of you and then you can forget you ever saw anything.

If your step-mum doesn't know, I'm sure she will be glad that you've told her. I'd certainly want to know if I were in her position.