Oh fucking shit. My Dad has accidentally sent me an email revealing that he is paying for sex.

[namechangedforethicaldilemma]

My Dad has been married to my step-mum for quite a few years, she is lovely, I really like her. My Dad originally split from my Mum when I was tiny because he cheated on her.

I'm borrowing my dad's holiday home next week, so he has been forwarding me emails between himself and the hire car provider as he has organised it with a guy he knows. He has accidentally forwarded me a thread between himself and a 21 year old (vom. I'm 34) where they discuss meeting for sex and money being exchanged.

What in the name of holy fuck do I do now? I'm fucking shaking.

I think the thing is that the OP is very close to her stepmum and she won't be able to ignore the fact that she's being put at risk of STIs. She's actually a close friend and would you really have to put your DF first if your friend was at risk without knowing it (probably)?

And no, under age sex abuse victims are not the only ones exploited in the sex industry. There are many adult women who duped and then trafficked into prostitution. I don't think the majority of punters worry about whether the women they're paying for sex are willing or not, do you? A good many are desperate, paying money to feed their addictions, which means he's paying money to benefit drug dealers as well.

It sucks and I don't think turning a blind eye is right at all.

That's such a shit situation to be in :-( sorry OP!!! Hope you are okay, let us know what your move is!! Xxxx

I asked my husband this and he said she should stay out of it. I totally disagree, when something is seen and cannot be unseen, the only person who will feel shit by doing nothing is the OP and that’s no fair. I think you should have a word with your dad, ask him if the step mum knows, if not, which is likely, tell him you will give him a week to tell her.

I'd agree with you yetmore. I think it's more a male tendency to think that kind of thing is personal and you should leave them to it by colluding with keeping the cheating quiet. Extrapolating from this, its because they'd be able to see themselves in OP's dad's position, given the opportunity. Or at least that's my experience.

Hmm, he could just as easily have permission to do this or be in a sexless relationship and this is how he maintains it. It's too complicated to really be sticking your nose too far in but I would certainly make it clear you did see the email to him at least because if he is cheating improperly it might spur him on to resolving it if he has no idea of your intentions.

Gertie - what on earth are you on about? What 'pearl clutching over dad's sexual urges'? Women have sexual urges too, you know. And when you are married, the idea is that these are met by your spouse!

I'm quite surprised that you haven't blamed the 21yo prostitute, for leading the poor married man on....

Oh, you're so right. Being a family member means we should accept any old shit behaviour. After all, some ppl would even cover up actual crimes for family. Cause, you know, bloods thicker than water and all that
Typical weak response pumped up with some crass choice of descriptive for dramatic effect.
I never suggested accepting 'any old shit behaviour' should be standard response.
Zzzzz

Not a weak response at all, it makes perfect sense.

I asked my husband this and he said she should stay out of it.

Wow. I hope you told your DH that you would absolutely want to know if friends knew he was playing around like that, so why wouldn't you let another woman know what was going on with her DH?

Would he want to know if you were seeing other men?

Of course it's a weak response. The scenario is specific. People have responded accordingly.
Making an assumption that the same response would be demonstrated irrespective of circumstance is puerile nonsense.

where they discuss meeting for sex and money being exchanged
So OP doesn't even know if her Df actually acted on this discussion or not.
Or if he was just being curious.
A lot of pp have jumped to conclusions about the outcome of this email discussion.
It wouldn't stand up in court, you need more evidence than an email making enquiries.
If it even got to court, he would be found Not Guilty.

Woah, where has it even been suggested that this is going to be taken to court? This isn't about prosecuting him, it is about letting the sm know that she is being put in danger of contracting STIs and that her husband is happy to pay young women for sex.

Making an assumption that the same response would be demonstrated irrespective of circumstance is puerile nonsense.
Obviously don't get sarcasm, nor the point of my first post. Never mind. It was probably puerile anyway

Sadly, this thread has gone pretty much as expected.

The new age where no one has a right to privacy and anyone is entitled to police anyone else's relationship according to their own 'morality' has well and truly arrived.

How about showing some respect for the person who has brought you up and, also, giving him the benefit of the doubt?

The OP does not know who her father was talking to. It might have been who it appeared to be, it might just have been fantasy.

Even if it was, he may well not have gone through with it.

And, as to the excuse about her stepmother having the right to be protected from STIs, the father would probably have practised safe sex, so the probability of the stepmother getting infected is well and truly minimal. This is just judgment dressed up as concern, to make the person saying it feel better about themselves.

The least the OP owes her father (one of the people who made her the person that she is today) is a decent and open conversation, without prejudgment. Personally, I would not get involved in another adult's relationship unless I was genuinely concerned that they might come to serious harm.

But the OP's DF has form as a cheat, he cheated on the OP's DM. It therefore means that she's less likely to give him the benefit of the doubt'.

I think she does need to talk to him, otherwise it will become the 'elephant in the room' for her. I'm sure she'd rather not broach this kind of subject with him but I think she'll have to. The best thing would be to reply to the email with, 'I don't think you meant to send this to me.' Then see how he responds.

If he avoids the subject you need to bring it up again. It's the only way you'll be able to lay it to rest.

Whoah he's a bit more lively than my Dad was, at least I think so.

So, when I contracted an STI through my h after he had paid for sex and used protection was just a one off? I very much doubt it. Sadly, these things happen they are real risks and those who put others at risk do not need protection and privacy.
Like so many others have said, the sm deserves to know, preferably through her husband. If the op let's her df know she has read what he sent her, then he will have the chance to tell his wife himself.

Gross. I know he’s your dad but how is it fair that he sleeping with prostitutes when he is married. Poor woman.

I asked my DH about this and he said if he was in that positiob he would let his dad know that he saw the email and hint that the step mom would find out (if not dad then him ) etc. X

The new age where no one has a right to privacy and anyone is entitled to police anyone else's relationship according to their own 'morality' has well and truly arrived.
Sadly, it seems rather that this new age is overpopulated by selfish twats who think nothing of cheating on their partners. Why should that be protected? The 'morality' of the majority is always what a society lives by (how/why do you think laws are made?) and monogamy has been standard (at least in the public gaze) in our society for a very long time.
The q also comes up regularly on threads like this as to whether the cheated on person would want to know if their dp were cheating. The vast majority say yes. These ppl (myself included) should be prepared to help others in the same situation and let them know if they're been treated badly and being cheated on. That isn't 'policing the cheat', its being a decent person towards the cheated upon, who in no way deserves to be kept in the dark. What a stupid comment.
Cheaters are pathetic, they haven't the balls to admit to what they want. They sneak around and engage in behaviour which results in negative consequences for those who loved and trusted them. They're scum, and I would never protect secrets for any of them, family or not.

^^ Have to agree! Never been in the situation myself, but know there is no way I would sit back and 'protect' someone cheating.

OP I hope you are OK? also SM...is she OK too?

Any updates op?

Yeah. Just remember to get all your sons and daughters, brothers and sisters, mothers and fathers, aunts and uncles and nieces and nephews current partners contact details for when the day arrives that you suspect one of your nearest and dearest have cheated on them.
I'm sure you'll all be just as keen to grab the phone to let them know the bad news.

Very easy to go all kung-fu on the subject when it's someone on the Internet you're advising.

Very easy to go all kung-fu on the subject when it's someone on the Internet you're advising.
Yeah, isn't it. Also very easy to patronize and make fun of ppl for having a different viewpoint to yours, earth.
I'm well aware it wouldn't be a pleasant thing to let someone know their dp was (still, over a long period in this case) cheating on them, but I wouldn't be any kind of friend to them if I kept it secret. I'd want to know, therefore I'd stand by that and let someone else know, even if it was difficult. They deserve honesty.

Obviously if they'd already said they would never want to know, I wouldn't, but that appears to be only a small minority.

I would tell my step mum, no hesitation.