Oh fucking shit. My Dad has accidentally sent me an email revealing that he is paying for sex.

[namechangedforethicaldilemma]

My Dad has been married to my step-mum for quite a few years, she is lovely, I really like her. My Dad originally split from my Mum when I was tiny because he cheated on her.

I'm borrowing my dad's holiday home next week, so he has been forwarding me emails between himself and the hire car provider as he has organised it with a guy he knows. He has accidentally forwarded me a thread between himself and a 21 year old (vom. I'm 34) where they discuss meeting for sex and money being exchanged.

What in the name of holy fuck do I do now? I'm fucking shaking.

LOL at your step mum knowing and turning a blind eye I mean they're hundreds of threads on here about cheating husbands and their poor wives knew nothing sometimes for years.

Do what you feel is right, I highly doubt she knows anything.

I think you are seeking advice that essentially bolsters your gut feeling..........

Regardless, the dynamics between you all, has changed, whether you intervene or not, and inaction is STILL intervention.......

At the very least, I think, you should make your father aware that he’s inadvertently sent you that e - mail.....

Next time you see him, if he’s got a face on him like he’s shit his pants, then he probably realises his fuck up.

The weight of this horrible dilemma, should be on his shoulders, not yours.......

I’m late to this and your update shows you are going to do what I would hope someone would do if they found out my DH was doing that.

I always say on these sort of threads that I would say something in order to try to prevent the innocent party from getting an STI that could ruin their life. I don’t understand the argument ‘it’s none of your business’ in the face of that.

Sorry you’re dealing with this. It is a horrible situation.

Oh, my goodness, in your position I would definitely tell your SM and I would need to discuss with my dh first, as he could calm me and may be the one who continued to encourage a relationship with my dc who like your dc adore my DF. I honestly think it would have a massive impact on my relationship with my DF.

I agree that you have no other option but to go with dealing with this. Your SM has potentially put off having dc because your df has grown dc. She deserves the right to find a man who will love her, truly respect her and the opportunity to try for a family should she wish to.

Please don't think that you need to end your relationship with your SM, especially when you and your dc adore her the way you obviously do. It really is a deeply personal decision though whether you could continue to have a relationship with your df. If my df was doing this to my dm then that would be it for me, however, this is a different situation for you. My df and DH are like best mates and I know he would enable my dc to continue to see their gf. I definitely could never keep anything from DH though, we are best friends and he is the first person I tell anything and it would feel like I was colluding in my df's betrayal if I didn't do anything.

I just want to send you a hug I know it sounds trite etc but right now make sure you look after yourself xxx

I'm amazed how many people are saying keep quiet! If it was the OP's actual mother rather than stepmother I don't think people would have the same attitude

I would confront him and tell him if he doesn't tell her then you will. She has a right to know

I don't see "forgetting about it" as an option though, as op can't actually forget about it. It will change her relationship with her father and stepmum.

It's shit, your father definitely should not have put you in this position.

It would also completely change my pov of him, an older man paying a young poorer woman. Having raised a daughter I am disappointed that he doesn't have more empathy for the young woman. And cheating in two marriages, I'd wonder about his attitude towards women generally.

I think whatever you decide to do, don't feel you need to feel bad to save your father feeling bad. So if you would feel better having spoken to your DH then do, if that causes problems for your father then that is the consequence of your father's actions. Likewise if keeping this from your stepmother is going to damage your relationship with her and make you feel bad, I'd tell your father this, that it's not reasonable for you to end up feeling bad for decisions he's made.

I had a cheating boyfriend once, two of my friends separately witnessed cheating and didn't tell me because they thought I didn't want to know (in retrospect I had ignored some warning signs) and better not to upset me. When I found out eventually I was devastated about the extra time wasted with the cheater and that I'd been exposed to STIs for longer. I would definitely have wanted to know. I think many women would.

In the unlikely scenario that your stepmother has "an agreement" with your dad then it will just be an awkward conversation to establish that, but ultimately no harm done

Difficult as presumably your relationship with your dad is closer and longer lasting and I can imagine he will cite family loyalty. On balance I would ensure that stepmother found out (either by telling her or his telling her).

Well he's put you in a very awkward position, hasn't he? He's definitely in the wrong and 'he' needs to put things right.

I would reply to his email telling him 'he needs to talk to SM before the end of the week....or you will'. Nothing more needs to be said in the email, again, let him make the next move...why should you feel more uncomfortable than you do now?

SM has every right to know and once D-day has passed, get in touch with her as you normally would, her reaction will tell you if he's done the right thing, and you just take it from there. Hoping that he does the right thing (for once) and actually informs her so it's not left to you, but whichever way it goes she is entitled to know and get tested for STI's asap.

I'm just flabbergasted at all the people saying 'forget it', to me that's appalling and a huge cop-out.

Unfortunately your relationship with your father will never be the same but sounds like you have a great SM and she will need someone like you to support her through this horrible situation.

All the best OP.

Sorry you're in the middle of this op.
I couldn't ignore it either. Hope it all works out ok.

Not directed at the op but there are a lot of step mum haters on mumsnet who would never say ignore it if it was anyone else.
As for her being from a generation that turned a blind eye, she's 40s not 1840s. No women deserves to be treated this way.

IF you tell her, your relation ship with your dad is altered forever.

IF you DON'T tell her, your relationship with your dad is altered forever.

Personally, I'd tell her. And yes, I'd wonder what sort of man has raised a daughter, has granddaughters and cheated on 2 wives... what sort of woman-user is this?

Your relationship with your dad is altered forever anyway.

And yes -it is your business! It's your family!

Get lost, Susan, he's mine!

Forward to your step mum and let her deal with it.

He is your Dad and he should only be judged on that. You say he’s a good father and grandfather

Your relationship with him should not change because he’s a shit husband.

He wasn't just being a shig husband when he forwarded the email. He was being a shit dad.

*shit

The lack of scruples of a lot of people on here eye-opening.

Your poor sm. What a dilemma.

Can I add that it isn’t about being a shit dad or husband but a shit person. Willing to pay for sex with girls considerably younger than his daughter?

Sorry- isn’t just about