Husband takes pics/videos without my consent

[JaimeeDodger]

I’ve read a previous thread here before on a similar subject but need to air my issue...

This morning I fell back asleep after getting back into bed with a cuppa and reading my book. I came to quite instantly to find my husband filming me. His reaction/look made me feel very uneasy and I made a joke that he was a perving voyeur and turned over - he didn’t apologise or laugh it off.
The thing is, I often get the impression that he films/takes pics of me when I’m getting dried after the shower or when I’m changing in the morning. I’ve caught him filming me while asleep a couple of times before but being that he’s my husband, I’ve kind of just shrugged it off. However, I’ve noticed more and more that his phone is pointing in my direction etc..
The other thing (and I can’t prove or say for definite that it’s happened) is that 2/3 times I’ve gone for a wee in the morning and have noticed (sorry for the graphic wording here) that I smell of semen down below and at the time thought how strange it was. But suddenly things are all slotting together and I’m wondering if he’s doing things to me while I’m asleep. I’m a really heavy sleeper.

I can’t access his phone as it’s a Samsung S8 which only recognises his irises or thumb print.

I don’t know what to do or say. I want to confront him but have a feeling he’ll tell me I’m being ridiculous and I won’t be able to prove anything. I’m just going on my gut feeling and the few times I’ve caught him filming me.
I’m trying to remain rational; I sometimes take a pic of him if he falls asleep on the sofa, looking like he’s catching flies or dribbling because it’s funny. But I was just asleep, mouth closed but cleavage very much on show this morning and that isn’t funny or photo worthy?!

Advice greatly welcomed and thank you in advance x

Hi OP, I'm so pleased women's aid were helpful (rolling my eyes at how useless victim support were).

I know you are comfortable with the course of action you are currently taking but I wanted to make it clear to you that you do not need to gather evidence to present to the police.

You go, tell them your concerns re filming etc and the worries about semen, and also report the sexual assaults (because thats what was happening when he inserted his fingers inside you when you were asleep and not consenting) which occurred before Christmas. That will be sufficient for them to seize his phone/computers etc to be examined.

Please don't put yourself at risk in an unnecessary attempt to do the police's job for them. (In any case, you may undermine any future chance of a conviction by doing so anyway).

Alternatively, as you are likely to be feeling utterly overwhelmed and scared by everything that has already happened and may happen in the future, depending where you are in the country, you should have access to a sexual assault referral centre.

These are walk-in clinics where you can get support, advice and medical attention. They can assist you in gathering forensic evidence should you have further incidences of concern regarding semen etc and they can do this regardless of whether you want the police involved at that time or not. They will help you report it if you do, and support you even if you don't.

Glad you're feeling a bit more supported. Thinking of you.

Been thinking of you today. Glad you've had some useful help

Hope your local supports group is able to help today OP. Agree it is best not to be too hasty and jump into anything without proof.

Keep strong. Must be an awful situation for you.

Did Women’s Aid give you some ideas on how to get evidence? I’m so glad you have some RL support on this now, I can’t imagine how lost you must feel. Hope you’re doing OK

There's just one important thing about confrontation, NutritionistDad - she actually does need to know what he has done/is doing or he will call her bluff when she talks about PIs and asks why he has done what he has done, in bullying mode. Once he figures out she has accused him of some element of all of this that he has not in fact done, he will then turn the tables and accuse her of being off her rocker.

He may well be a weak coward, but even the weakest will use attack as the best means of defence. Unless she has some evidence on which to base her confrontation he will find the weakness in her accusation and exploit it.

He may well use his greater knowledge of his own internet setup to undermine what she says too.

She really needs to get something concrete before she goes in all guns blazing.

She also needs to have decided what she wants out of it all, I agree, and what her bottom line is.

@JaimeeDodger

Don't follow any of the advice to steal, use software or confront him.

Keep following the advice of Women's Aid. Suspicion is all you need. The aim right now isn't gathering evidence; it's staying safe.

Well, thank God a man has arrived to give us his perspective.

And he didn’t mansplain either. Bless!

😇

Relax, starry. Another man here. FWIW, I don’t agree with nutritionists advice. I won’t bother mansplaining why.

I think it’s likely he is taking pics. It’s a thing on the internet to take pics of wives and gf and publish it for all the grubby little merkins out there.

I hope you can navigate your way out of your delima OP. All the best.

I feel very worried about you.
I think you should go and talk to someone - your GP would be good start.
I am worried he is drugging you. The smell of semen is quite distinct. I think you should trust your instinct.
A urine test the next morning may possibly show some drugs but some “date rape” drugs are very short acting and don’t show up the following morning.
Take care.

Still thinking of you, OP. How's things?

OP if you can, please update us that you are ok - I feel really worried about you (irrationally hopefully)
Thinking of you xxxx

Ditto, please update us...

Hope you are ok OP

Please tell us you are Ok !

OP, I think of you often. I hope you're OK

I realise it's been a few weeks since this thread but I was a concerned reader at the time and it's popped into my head tonight. OP would you be able to update us to how things are?

I've just read all of that ☹️ what happened Op? 😬😬😬😬😬😬😬😬😬😬😬

I know what you mean, but the oddest, most shocking things do happen and there is a bizarre internet world out there that so called normal men can inhabit. Maybe I'm a bit gullable but I just thought of it again the other day!