Just.. Bloody... INCOMPETENT!

[Thecrabbypatty]

I am seething. My partner and I moved back to our respective parents over a year ago. We have been together over three years and decided to move home to save for a deposit. DP bought a flat over 8 years ago with an ex and moved out of it 7 years ago. For well over two years I have been warning him he must make sure he is fully removed from his old mortgage and property deeds or it will bugger up our house buying. He swore blind everything was under control and got fed up of my nagging. Since there was nothing I could physically do I trusted him to get it sorted and he promised it had been.

Cue completing on our house buy.... Only for the solicitor to politely ask why he was still on a previous mortgage and deeds!!! I nearly keeled over at this point.

I was shocked, solicitor was surprised, DP was basically hyperventilating and then finally admitted that he thought it was in hand but had never actually signed anything??!!!

DP is a lovely, kind and sweet man but this isn't the first time I have lost respect for him for his sheer incompetence. I'm so angry and we have two days until the house is put back on the market. We have waited 6 months for this house already and I'm so fucking fed up now. I'm angry, frustrated, hurt and feel like I'm losing my love for him because I'm losing my respect for him. He's horrified and profusely apologetic but it's not enough. Am I being harsh or is this an omen of a life of fuck ups to come? Help!

That's not incompetence, it's just being dim. He hadn't signed anything, yet thought it was in hand?

Jesus Christ have you lost the house OP

Personally I would be very careful, surely he should have double checked all of this before you started househunting. God I would so kick him in the balls for this.

Exactly!!! Hes got a PHD in the Sciences, qualified and on paper ridiculously bright with a well paid career. But common sense eludes him and I honestly can't quite believe it either! Hes honest so I don't think there any cover up its a genuine cock up, but why take your eye off the ball for something so major!

If you have two days to sort it out then you've definitely lost the house. I'd be extremely wary of entering into any joint financial ventures with him going forward, tbh.
That's seriously ridiculous.

Ime you are en route for more fuck ups. Not malicious ones, just more of the same.

Gemini, not yet but literally hours to go. He's frantically trying to get final papers signed and sent etc. I believe the process was started but then it's just... tailed off and he never actually checked!

It sounds as if he thought the issue would just go away.

Does he know what he has to do now and how he is going to sort it? You can’t trust him can you?

That's the problem. He's totally broken my trust. Even if the house is salvageable (the builder may give us an extension to complete) I'm not entirely sure I want to!

There is a thread on here called something like ‘incompetent husband’.

The op has now gone, or name changed, but it went on for a number of threads.

She realised that her smart academic husband was not incompetent, just invested in ensuring that she took on the lion share of everything so he could work, earn money, get promoted and not have to bother with life because she would do it all.

Have a search for it. You may have a glimpse of your future.

I left my first husband due to incompetence. He hasn't changed.

I'm not sure I could get past this. It shows a complete lack of respect for you, I imagine you've invested time and money in this purchase.

Aussie that sounds so grim. I'll have a look. I know I'm furious but I'm not sure if on its own it's a dumpable offence (the other instances of being incompetent have been annoying but not in the big leagues like this). But the idea that it might be the first of many definitely is.

Does he now own half the other house? How was it sorted financially? It may be in arrears!

He needs to ask questions

Thank you for the responses and to you Mrs Jones, definitely food for thought and reassuring that I'm not being totally unreasonable. House has increased in value and him and ex on good terms so no hidden nasties there I don't think.

It's the well meaning but ridiculous thought process that he has that bothers me. The new house will be a financial loss, time loss and hope crushing but not the end of the world. Its what it says about him in the long term that bothers me most.

Yep, this is an omen of future fuck-ups that you would have to endure, excuse, or sort out if you stay with a man like this. Do yourself a favour and ditch him, this is who he is. You, on the other hand, I am sure would positively thrive on your own or with someone equally sensible. We see threads from women on here all the time who waste their life sorting out stupid husbands who are happy to leave the important but boring shit to the woman, please do not be another one of them, op

Sounds like my DP! PhD but no common sense.

Well as you say there are other instances of his incompetence that are annoying, but this must be the cherry on top of the turd. Stay and this will be your future, tied to someone you cannot respect nor trust.

Many intellects have little to no common sense, I include myself in that . I don’t know what it is, my DM often says “you may have a good degree but you don’t shit from clay about the real world.” What she basically means is I don’t have an ounce of common sense and am entirely useless at most practical things. Sigh.

I think you are slightly overreacting. If he didn’t sign anything I’m unsure how he was on the deeds... he obviously genuinely didn’t realise he was on them, I don’t think he has done this to be malicious in any way.

Thanks Ruddy, I think I needed to hear that.

Surely at points he had to declare no other interests so his incompetence could be seen as fraud.

What is his reasoning behind not following through? Is he a grown up in other areas of his life and did he lie or mislead you?

Just had a quick look ‘incompetent husbands -anyone else?’ Has been deleted due to the op being worried about being identified.

But, if you search it, you will see the second thread and a hole lot of other threads that were started as others realised they were dealing ‘strategic incompetence ‘

Christ, I thought this was going to be about forgetting wallets, leaving keys in the door, stuff like that.

What he has done is either incompetence (unlikely) or that he expects others to sort out his life. Neither is an attractive quality.

Something like a home purchase is not only one of life's big stressful events but it's deeply emotional.

Does he expect you to pick up the slack on all aspects of his life except his job?

Pink, I totally agree. I know you are right but as some of the others have said I'm about to tie myself to someone who does this crap? It is the cherry on the turd at this point but what if it gets worse??!!