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Relationships

35 weeks pregnant, DP in bed with someone else

190 replies

Stargirl17 · 08/04/2018 04:41

Fuck.
He had a few friends around last night after the football, I had some work to do so I popped down to say hi but left them to it & went to bed around midnight.
He didn’t come to bed. I just got up for a wee assuming he was on the sofa but he’s asleep in the spare bed with another woman (his ex girlfriend).
WTAF?

OP posts:
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CaledonianQueen · 09/04/2018 21:39

I am actually horrified! It takes a special kind of wer to sleep with his ex in the same house as his heavily pregnant partner! And a special kind of cow to sleep with her ex, knowing fine well that he has a heavily pregnant partner just doors away! That is incredibly shitty behaviour!

I also want to add that there are many sexual things that can happen whilst still wearing clothes! (not to mention that clothing can be removed and then put back on) So I don't believe a single word of your arsehole partner!

I agree with others that you are totally under-reacting! Why did you not see the ex before she left your house? That screams guilt to me, and tells me that more went on than just sleeping! If nothing genuinely happened then she should be apologetic not guiltily sneaking from the house! Not to mention, what the bloody hell was she doing there in the first place! It is bad enough bringing drunk mates back from the football, but to invite his ex over makes me think he planned this! Has he been excited about the baby? Has he been behaving normally or do you think he is getting cold feet and trying to get you to dump him before baby arrives, letting him 'off the hook' per se?

I would be very careful, the fact is he chose to get into bed with his ex, who he invited to your home, rather than get into bed with his heavily pregnant partner. Then, whilst his ex lay sleeping in your spare bedroom, he LIED to you, saying he had fallen asleep downstairs! He then concocted a completely bullsht story about watching something in bed with your ex and falling asleep! Then the ex sneaked out of the house, not even apologetic! Even if this was innocent she should have been saying thanks for having her over and sorry for the noise/ your dp falling asleep watching tv with her!

I would be thinking VERY carefully, you are vulnerable just now, but you are going to be even more vulnerable during labour. Do you want the man who chose to sleep with another woman over you, to be with you when you are at your most vulnerable? Do you want to be wondering every time he goes out, if his ex is there and what actually happened that night in the spare room?

What I would be doing is throwing my dp out, I honestly can't be in a relationship without trust and he has completely destroyed the trust in your relationship!

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8SaltandVinegar · 09/04/2018 23:55

Hope your are okay OP.

I'll get flamed for this, but you know your OH best. He possibly got pissed and lost the run of himself. Few drinks and everything seems like a good idea. I'm sure if he wanted the "ex" he'd be with her. The pair of them probably (and should do) feel like arseholes.

We can all make mistakes. Only you as a couple can decide if you can overcome the mistake.

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TM71 · 10/04/2018 05:24

I told my DP about you FINDING PARTNER in bed with ex and even he says there is more too it. Just be careful know you are on the last leg of pregnancy but don't let him manipulate you.

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RLOU88 · 10/04/2018 07:48

Everything @CaledonianQueen said and then some!

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thatmustbenigelwiththebrie · 10/04/2018 11:07

I have read the whole thread and I still genuinely don't think he did anything wrong.

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ADHDAdult · 10/04/2018 11:11

I have read the whole thread and I still genuinely don't think he did anything wrong.

Apart from sleeping in the same bed with his ex? Do you really think it's appropriate?

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bastardkitty · 10/04/2018 14:41

thatmustbenigelwiththebrie then you seem to have an understanding problem.

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Beelzebop · 10/04/2018 15:12

Good grief! I can't believe that he did this OP, it's so awful on so many levels.
I'm afraid I would have done my impression of a whirling dervish if I'd found that situation. He would not be in my home anymore.

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Bugsbunny74 · 10/04/2018 15:24

thatmustbenigelwiththebrie then you seem to have an understanding problem*

Big understanding problem

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Pinkvoid · 10/04/2018 15:32

The massive difference between this being a friend and an ex is that they did once sleep together and find each other attractive. Not saying they still do hence being exes but there was once a spark there so it stands to reason that, especially when drunk, it could return. She should not be staying over at your house under any circumstances, let alone getting drunk till the early hours with your DP while you sleep! I find the whole thing really bizarre.

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Idontdowindows · 10/04/2018 15:37

I have read the whole thread and I still genuinely don't think he did anything wrong.

So if your partner cuddled up to his ex in bed, spent the night sleeping with her and then lied to you about it you'd think that was all a-ok and nothing wrong with it?

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ADHDAdult · 10/04/2018 15:41

I do not believe that this guy would've got into a bed, watched movies and then fallen asleep with a male friend.

Therefore all those saying they are just mates, that's fine, then they should act like just mates. If gender is irrelevant then he should act the same with both male and female mates?

No he got into bed with her because she's female! Also she's his ex!

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Beelzebop · 10/04/2018 16:04

All you have to do is reverse the situation. I bet he wouldn't be so forgiving!

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Bahhhhhumbug · 10/04/2018 20:53

Ah so you've done a lot of talking and you're now trying to move on. He obviously has done a real good job of talking his way out of this one then. I bet he's even managed to secure future visits for his ex. Business as usual for him then and even better he now knows what he can get away with.

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offupop · 11/04/2018 01:26

Bahhhhhumbug - I think you're being unfair. the OP is heavily pregnant.

I can't imagine calling my relationship a day just before giving birth. What happened isn't great, but he was fully clothed when she found him. you could either turn your life upside down, put yourself through horrendous stress at a time when you need to put your baby first, or have words, keep a watchful eye but ultimately forgive as a silly mistake for the greater good. don't get me wrong, I'm a single mum due to a cheat, but this may not be the time nor circumstance to end a relationship. way too much stress on mum, pregnancy and baby. Mum'snet is full of LTB posts, but it's not real life.

Sorry you're going through the stress of not knowing whether to trust him OP. Good luck got your impending birth! try and enjoy it!

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