Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

35 weeks pregnant, DP in bed with someone else

190 replies

Stargirl17 · 08/04/2018 04:41

Fuck.
He had a few friends around last night after the football, I had some work to do so I popped down to say hi but left them to it & went to bed around midnight.
He didn’t come to bed. I just got up for a wee assuming he was on the sofa but he’s asleep in the spare bed with another woman (his ex girlfriend).
WTAF?

OP posts:
Clutterbugsmum · 08/04/2018 09:13

He assured me nothing happened between them, which I do believe.

So why did he continue to lie until he had no option but try and come up with a plausible reason.

THERE is no reason to go into in to the spare room with her at any time.

They could have watch UFC on the phone on the sofa.

OakIsBetterTho · 08/04/2018 09:15

I'm baffled at how many people seem to think this is fine. I really thought it would be a fairly cut and dry case of hes behaved very badly indeed!
I don't know if I could forgive this one OP. He chose to go upstairs, either with her or following after her knowing she was in bed, he chose to get in bed with her and he chose to cuddle up with her, the purpose of which is going to remain unclear as he's obviously proved he's incapable of telling the truth. You're remarkably calm, I commend you for that.
For reference, I believe my DP is a lovely man, I trust him, but if this happened to me, I think that trust would be completely gone. If they wanted to watch videos together, they could have done that downstairs. Even when very drunk, I can't imagine clambering into bed with my ex. There's a line imo and he's crossed it.
Not only that, but all this is on the assumption that nothing happened 'like that' between them. I don't think I would believe that, by the way.

loveyoutothemoon · 08/04/2018 09:15

There was an identical thread to this a while back, same explanations etc, then it came out something more has happened. It's so disrespectful, he got in bed with her, you just don't do that!

typcast · 08/04/2018 09:16

I have to say I think having friends over to your home and getting thaaaat pissed while you are upstairs heavily pregnant is pretty bad. Obviously not LBT bad but I'd be upset by that alone. Going out and getting pissed is one thing but bringing a load of drunk people to your home is another IMO.
I'd definitely want to find out more about this hugely disrespectful sleeping situation. I wouldn't be plastering anything on Facebook or tipping water on any one but I would be absolutely furious and would be trying to gather all the info I could. It's very intimate to sleep in bed with someone. It is not like they just fell asleep on the same sofa. There is plenty of pretty inexcusable stuff that can go on with clothes on - as I'm sure we all know.

Foodylicious · 08/04/2018 09:17

What the hell did she have to say for herself this morning?

Wishfulmakeupping · 08/04/2018 09:18

As others have said massively disrespectful- the pair of them.
I’d be absolutely gutted in that situation op- worse that he tried to cover it up and lie about it.
Why is he getting that wasted when you are heavily pregnant anyway having his friends round- he sounds like he needs to grow up.

Grandmaswagsbag · 08/04/2018 09:18

I would believe him if he was fully clothed. This has happened to me. I slept next to my friends boyfriend all night and we had no idea! I have hair similar to her and he has hair similar to my dh so one of us just climbed into bed with the other by accident (not sure who). All I saw was a dark haired man next to me and I assumed it was dh. Luckily I was fully clothed and didn’t go in for a midnight cuddle. I shudder to think about all the embarrassing scenarios that could have happened. We did laugh about it. I can understand why you’d be pissed off but I honestly don’t think it’s cause for a lot of stress right now. You obviously trusted him around her if she was welcome in your house. I think it was probably an innocent drunken error.

Susanjeffery1984 · 08/04/2018 09:20

Wow. YANBU. I would have the hit the roof. You are being very reasonable, too reasonable.
For me it wouldn’t be the falling asleep with another woman so much (although I’d still be livid) but it would be the making the way to a bedroom. Why the need to lie on a bed? The fact that she is an ex would compound this.

Mrsmadevans · 08/04/2018 09:21

There is more to this than meets the eye. No excuses , they both knew what they were doing , what an absolute betrayal for you OP. I am so sorry.

Idontdowindows · 08/04/2018 09:21

worse that he tried to cover it up and lie about it.

Yep, that was just adding insult to injury.

This has happened to me.

Did you lie about it to your partner too?

Vangoghsear · 08/04/2018 09:22

It's unforgivable behaviour, but it is your chance to lay down some rules for the future ie from now on, so that he behaves in a way befitting a husband and father. Rule no. 1: he is banned from seeing ex anywhere; rule no. 2: he is not allowed to drink more than a pint etc

Grandmaswagsbag · 08/04/2018 09:23

I do agree it’s a bit weird if they went to a room together knowingly to watch ufc, whatever that is? Sounds a bit teenaged. BUT I’d believe that he didn’t mean to fall asleep with her.

Inertia · 08/04/2018 09:25

Sorry this has happened- you could really do without crap like this to deal when you are exhausted from pregnancy.

Not sure why you would believe him, given that you have proof that the first words out of his mouth were a lie.

ivykaty44 · 08/04/2018 09:30

Everyone has a line and with each it’s different.

For op a line has been crossed and she needs to explain that to her dp

Whatever the reasons it happened it’s not excusable for op

Let him know and probably don’t invite this person again

timeisnotaline · 08/04/2018 09:36

A line has definitely been crossed. I’d expect him to have no contact with her for a while, and I’d ask him not to share my bed until we have worked things through, because we have two major issues: a fundamental disagreement over whether curling ip with someone in bed is intimate, even just to watch videos- the op thought her dh was with her in bed on that basis, now it seems like he can do with just anyone (and worse, exes), and second the lying. Which is a huge problem. If he knows it looks bad enough to lie about he knows he shouldnt have done it. No way would he be sleeping in my bed for a few nights at least. Having a new baby is a challenging time for relationships - you really need to have this out properly now not let it be brushed over.

Babyblues052 · 08/04/2018 09:36

I don't know how you're overreacting! I would go absolutely bat shit over this! He chose to get into bed with her then lied to you about it because he's a sneaky shit bag. And I doubt nothing happened. If it were me I'd tell him he needs to leave (that's not an overreaction) give yourself space to think clearly. Then decide in what to do.

He's vile to do this while your pregnant. How would he like it if he found you in bed with an ex? Would he only tell you he was pissed off? Doubtful.

Jobjobjob · 08/04/2018 09:41

I'd be furious! I hope you're getting some rest OP.

Please try to stay calm you're heavily pregnant and don't need the stress. I'd calmly be asking him to give you a few days alone to deal with this. But that's up to you.

Good luck

Aliasgrace1 · 08/04/2018 09:44

Hope that you're okay stargirl, I would be absolutely furious! What has she had to say for herself this morning?

SandyY2K · 08/04/2018 09:45

Totally unacceptable. Where are his boundaries.

Cleavergreene · 08/04/2018 09:46

Hippo. I think your hope would be in vain. It’s a boundary that shouldn’t be crossed. It’s about self respect and respect for your partner. Being drunk is no excuse for this or any other type of inappropriate behaviour.

OnionKnight · 08/04/2018 09:52

If my wife did this she'd be out on her arse.

ItWentInMyEye · 08/04/2018 09:53

You're not overreacting at all! Such a lack of respect shown by them both, but moreso him.

IfNot · 08/04/2018 09:56

One of my exes is a close friend, but I would never get in bed with him! Even though nothing would ever happen, it would be so disrespectful to my dp!
The lying is very worrying too. I'm sorry OP. Don't get into any drama though you don't need to get stressed at 35 weeks pregnant.. If I were you I would take myself out today and leave him sweating.

Princess9891 · 08/04/2018 10:02

If it was so innocent anyway why lie about his whereabouts? I would chuck them both out.

Bufferingkisses · 08/04/2018 10:02

This is totally your call bit it would be the end of the line for me - or at least an extended temporary halt whilst I got myself and my new baby sorted. I honestly don't think I could look at dp again without seeing that image.

But we're all different. You have a lot going on and a lot is helped/not helped by how he deals with it. How has he responded to you saying you are cross?