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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

35 weeks pregnant, DP in bed with someone else

190 replies

Stargirl17 · 08/04/2018 04:41

Fuck.
He had a few friends around last night after the football, I had some work to do so I popped down to say hi but left them to it & went to bed around midnight.
He didn’t come to bed. I just got up for a wee assuming he was on the sofa but he’s asleep in the spare bed with another woman (his ex girlfriend).
WTAF?

OP posts:
Helmetbymidnight · 08/04/2018 07:03

I would be upset- you're entitled to feel hurt and angry op.

I hope he appreciates that.

Tiddlywinks63 · 08/04/2018 07:08

So he lied about where he was sleeping too? 😳

lolli18 · 08/04/2018 07:15

Your an absolute fool of course something's happened it's wrong.
Get some balls.

'You get treat how you allow yourself to be treated'
Wanker

Helmetbymidnight · 08/04/2018 07:17

An absolute fool?

What a spectacularly shit- and unhelpful - thing to say.

lolli18 · 08/04/2018 07:19

Not at all the poor lady been treat like shit and people on here are saying give him the benefit of the doubt!!
Any decent man wouldn't do that so whatever the excuses it shouldn't be tolerated

Helmetbymidnight · 08/04/2018 07:24

She's not an absolute fool.

mintich · 08/04/2018 07:35

You are not overreacting. Theyd have both been chucked out my house by now.

Mummyoflittledragon · 08/04/2018 07:36

Hmm. Massively overstepped. People do stupid things when drunk. But you’re vulnerable right now being heavily pregnant. I’d want her out ASAP.

crumble82 · 08/04/2018 07:40

You’re not over reacting, I think you’ve handled it really well so far. I think they both crossed a line but I don’t think he was so far over it that you need to worry about ltb. I would however seriously question both his and your friendship with the ex.

Duckswaddle · 08/04/2018 07:42

I don't think I think you're over reacting, it's hugely inappropriate. Too cosy and intimate, they have history, and he lied about where he slept which means he knew it was dodgy too.

N3wTrouserz · 08/04/2018 07:43

Your home should be your safe haven. He has disrespected your home and you. Kick them both out ! Why is his ex in your home and friendship group ???

Frouby · 08/04/2018 07:45

That is so fucking disrespectful OP. From both of them.

If she is still in bed go and wake her up and tell her to leave immediately. Tell your OH to remake the bed and make it his own so he doesn't disturb you. And have a good think about how you want to proceed.

I would be saying to OH he makes a choice now between continuing with your relationship or his friendship with his ex.

Duckswaddle · 08/04/2018 07:45

That should be "I don't think you're over reacting".

flumpybear · 08/04/2018 07:46

I don't think you're overreacting I'd be livid whether something happened or not - not on!

OliviaBenson · 08/04/2018 07:49

He lied? That and everything else is a massive problem. I'd be livid.

minimalpatience · 08/04/2018 07:54

I disagree that the op is overreacting. Out of respect for my husband I wouldn't ever get into bed fully clothed or not with a man ( friend, ex etc) and vice Versa. The fact he lied to you is also worrying.

Being drunk isn't an excuse. He is just setting you up for future bad behaviour that he couldn't control as intoxicated. He is out of line and a dick for lying and making you feel bad for pulling him up on it.

diddl · 08/04/2018 07:55

How are you overreacting?

They didn't doze off on the sofa together-he chose to go to bed with her-and lied.

Why did she even need to stay over?

Keepingupwiththejonesys · 08/04/2018 07:57

I'd be extremely pissed off about this

MrsMozart · 08/04/2018 07:58

Not at all overreacting lass.

He may well have realised what it would look like, hence the lying.

See how he reacts today.

Bojangles33 · 08/04/2018 08:00

You are not overreacting!!! I think you've been incredibly calm, no way would I have had the rational thought to stop and post on MN first I'd have gone mental! I'm pregnant at the moment and you do feel so vulnerable, even if nothing happened it's still horrible and hurtful.

Emma198 · 08/04/2018 08:01

I'd be more livid that he lied this morning about where he slept.

You're the only one of us that knows him. If this were my husband I know that when he's had a few he will sleep where he falls and is oblivious to the world around him for at least 10 hours. If I saw him flat out but fully clothed and her snuggled up to him I would be mad but confident that nothing had happened, from his side anyway. I would have woken them though and asked her to leave. I'd probably over react out of feeling so embarrassed.

I wouldn't feel there was a problem from my side from sharing a bed with one of my male friends i.e I would trust that nothing would happen, but would never do it out of respect for my husband.

It's obviously a shit situation and I'd definitely take him to task and say the woman isn't welcome on our home anymore, but only you know him and in threads like this I think it's important to remember that many posters have been in awful situations where they've been cheated on and badly hurt and they may be projecting their feelings on to your situation.

Mix56 · 08/04/2018 08:03

I would go in & say "what the fuck is going on here?", & tell to get the hell out of your home.
He is just going to say he got legless & fell onto the nearest bed/felt sick & didn't want to wake you...... its a lie

Havingahorridtime · 08/04/2018 08:06

You are not overreacting. You are not reacting enough.
He was cosied up in bed with another woman, an ex!
It doesn’t matter that they were fully clothed it is still betrayal. Cosying up in bed is intimate. No surprises he wasn’t cosied up in bed with any of his male friends.
I wouldn’t be so childish to throw water around or take photos etc but I would have instantly woken them up and asked her to leave.
You need to have serious words with him this morning as you must be feeling very hurt.

Bekabeech · 08/04/2018 08:06

Just another voice saying you are not over reacting.

He has: slept in the same bed as an ex for no good reason, done this in your house, and tried to lie about it.

He needs to get out, and get his friends out. Give you space to think.

If he tries to minimise etc. that should help you decide.

His behaviour has been disgraceful, compounded by lying.

AnotherMIL · 08/04/2018 08:07

This is way out of line. You do not get into bed with your ex to watch videos. If you want to watch videos you can do that sitting up on the sofa. He didn’t magically end up in her bed. He made a conscious choice to get in bed with her. Drunk or not, that was his choice.

Massively disrespectful.