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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

35 weeks pregnant, DP in bed with someone else

190 replies

Stargirl17 · 08/04/2018 04:41

Fuck.
He had a few friends around last night after the football, I had some work to do so I popped down to say hi but left them to it & went to bed around midnight.
He didn’t come to bed. I just got up for a wee assuming he was on the sofa but he’s asleep in the spare bed with another woman (his ex girlfriend).
WTAF?

OP posts:
AjasLipstick · 08/04/2018 05:50

I'd just walk in and bang something together. When they woke up I'd say "Get out of my house" to her and then I'd go round, waking all his other friends up and telling them why they needed to leave.\

Then I'd probably break up with him.

thatmustbenigelwiththebrie · 08/04/2018 05:51

Well if he's fully dressed they probably just passed out there. I don't see the problem.

Prestonsflowers · 08/04/2018 05:52

I agree, it’s a total overreaction, just wake them up.

I wouldn’t both starting a thread about it on Mumsnet either!

Original poster
Stargirl17 · 08/04/2018 05:53

So she’s still asleep but I’ve talked to him when he came up to try and get in our bed.

So firstly he told me he ‘slept downstairs’ before he knew I’d seen them.

Then he said he was really drunk, he just fell asleep, he was watching UFC with her and fell asleep (this would have been on his phone so pretty intimate) and he didn’t come to bed because he didn’t want to disturb me (which is bullshit because I sleep like a log).

He assured me nothing happened between them, which I do believe.

I am majorly pissed off though. I do think sleeping together is an intimate thing and I would never dream of sharing a bed with one of my male friends because of boundaries- it would be disrespectful to my partner and theirs! Plus it’s not like he didn’t have anywhere else to sleep Hmm

OP posts:
Redken24 · 08/04/2018 05:57

What a wee prick!

Original poster
Stargirl17 · 08/04/2018 06:05

I know people who say I’m overreacting are right.

I haven’t actually done anything apart from tell him I’m pissed off, perhaps if they had clearly ‘passed out’ I wouldn’t be as annoyed but they were IN bed with her sleeping up against him which IMO is something he should only do with me.

Tbh I’m just really hurt and being massive, feeling pretty unsexy and very pregnant rn doesn’t help.

Going to try and get some sleep and deal with this later. thank you for all your replies.

OP posts:
K1092902 · 08/04/2018 06:07

Could it be his ex got drunk and was sick and he was concerned that she was going to choke in her sleep so stayed with her? I've had people around me before that have been that drunk ive not wanted to send them home in a taxi and have stayed with them to keep an eye on them

Purpleneonpinkunicorns · 08/04/2018 06:10

Sorry op but he tried sneaking into your bed and then was going to lie about where he slept..are you sure you can believe that he's telling the truth as he's already tried to make out that he didn't sleep where he did, and as for saying he didn't want to disturb you why not go and sleep on the sofa or get into bed with you anyway, especially as he knows that you sleep like a log, i definitely wouldn't be letting him have any female friends sleep over ever again ...and I would also be making him grovel and wait on me hand and foot for the rest of your pregnancy and after it ..take care op

K1092902 · 08/04/2018 06:10

Sorry but think some people are taking this way out of proportion Hmm

One of my best friends is male. He stays at ours sometimes when he is home (works abroad) and we will watch films together on the sofa bed with a bottle of wine and sometimes i just pass out so we end up sharing a bed. Doesnt mean i have had sex with him. Hmm

ImMrsBrightside · 08/04/2018 06:13

Wow. This has really disturbed me because it's horrible behaviour! All the people trying me to minimise it and make excuses for him - seriously?! HmmHow would you feel if this was you? I can can say with confidence that I would be absolutely livid. They would both be soaking wet and of my house for good! Being drunk is also not an excuse. This man is about to be a father and should be capable of controlling his alcohol intake in order to act responsibly. So sorry OP. What a massive twat he is.

KinkyAfro · 08/04/2018 06:18

This woman is an ex, he's obviously had sex with her before, I'd be seriously fucked off it my DP did this. Not ok at all

Bahhhhhumbug · 08/04/2018 06:22

So he actually went and deliberately lay on the bed with her to cuddle up cosy watch something on his phone. That's hardly same as just falling asleep next to someone watching a film or whatever is it. He deliiberatly got into bed with her at some point, he didn't just fall asleep next to her. He can hardly have got into bed after he fell asleep now can he !

RLOU88 · 08/04/2018 06:23

K109. This is his ex, not a friend. Big difference IMO.

Totally disgusting behaviour but tbh I wouldn’t have even been happy with the all night drinking etc while I’m upstairs pregnant and sleeping (I am pregnant myself though so this could be me being unreasable)

K1092902 · 08/04/2018 06:24

Sorry but why are people assuming they cuddled up to watch something on his phone? I show DP videos on my phone all the time- by holding the phone in my hand and him looking over sometimes sat several inches away from me. Confused

ImMrsBrightside · 08/04/2018 06:30

I don't think you are overreacting at all and again am shocked that people think you are. It's about respect and completely agree that even having a massive drinking session while you're upstairs pregnant and trying to sleep is totally disrespectful. Not to mention costing up with an ex and then lying about it! Even if they didn't have sex or kiss, this is being intimate with an ex and the whole situation shows a massive lack of respect for you.

ImMrsBrightside · 08/04/2018 06:31

Cosying up. Not costing. Bloody phone!

AjasLipstick · 08/04/2018 06:34

Oh I would NOT welcome her back OP. Not ever again. Nor would I trust my DH with her.

limitedscreentime · 08/04/2018 06:35

I'd be livid, accident or not. I'd find it totally disrespectful: I'd def let him know how upset I was and I'd really want him to be nc with this woman for a bit (out of respect to me and as an acknowledgment that boundaries had been over stepped).

RebelliousStarrChild · 08/04/2018 06:43

you are not overreacting!
why are people still talking about passing out with friends on the couch??? Are they missing the part where OP left them on the couch and then found them tucked up in bed in the spare room, no other friends around, Then he lied about where he had slept that night, because surprise surprise...he knows his behaviour was shitty!!

"I wouldn’t be as annoyed but they were IN bed with her sleeping up against him which IMO is something he should only do with me."

OP is 35 weeks pregnant for heaven's sake and he is tucked up in bed next door with the ex, it doesnt matter if they didn't have sex, you don't climb into bed and snuggle up with an ex while your pregnant wife is waiting for you in another room, alcohol is not an excuse.
Now I'm not saying you should leave him or anything but you certainly have a right to be pissed off with him right now and I would hope that he is being very apologetic about it and understanding of what a shock it must have been for you to walk in and see that.

Alwayswonderingwhere · 08/04/2018 06:46

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

GinAndToast · 08/04/2018 06:48

I'd be angry and would feel a line had been crossed, but I am another one who wouldn't be throwing water (are you all still teenagers??!!), or taking photos, or causing a racket, or throwing people out the house in the middle of the night.

I'd be having serious conversations today about it instead. But fwiw, it sounds utterly plausible they did just fall asleep. The mistake was going to the bedroom but folks make utterly stupid decisions when drunk! A proper conversation about how it led to that and why it's unacceptable behaviour is in order.

Babyiwantabump · 08/04/2018 06:51

I would be absolutely livid if this was me!!

1forAll74 · 08/04/2018 06:51

erm,,, not sure what to think about this, best get some explanations to start with.. as per norm on here, its a just chuck your husband out thing, quite the new women thing to do it seems..

Someone said earlier, to go round and take photos of the couple. do this and do that,, its like some Agatha Christie who dunnit, People act strange and odd at times, and innocently. so perhaps everything will be quite ok soon,

redfairy · 08/04/2018 06:58

I'm so surprised at some of the netters on here who don't see the problem with 'just getting drunk and falling into bed with an ex' and even more Shock at having an 'intelligent conversation' with the lying bum the next morning.
Seriously OP I feel for you and hope things get better.

mathanxiety · 08/04/2018 07:02

What Alwayswonderingwhere said.