35 weeks pregnant, DP in bed with someone else

[Stargirl17]

Fuck.
He had a few friends around last night after the football, I had some work to do so I popped down to say hi but left them to it & went to bed around midnight.
He didn’t come to bed. I just got up for a wee assuming he was on the sofa but he’s asleep in the spare bed with another woman (his ex girlfriend).
WTAF?

I hope you’ve had some sleep and are feeling a bit better OP.

I have a close male friend who was a FWB for a good few years before I met my husband. I wouldn’t climb into bed (even clothed) with him now. It feels massively inappropriate. But even if you’re ok with that (and that’s your choice) the lying about it would be what concerned me. Even if I knew ultimately it wasn’t going to be a relationship ender, I think once everyone had gone home I would be having the kind of furious conversation with him that put the fear of god into him that potentially it could have been. (I know this makes me sound like some kind of Eastenders drama llama shrew and I’m really not, I just think this is not ok and he can’t go away feeling like it was ok or that it would be alright if it happened again).

It wouldn't necessarily be the sleeping there itself that annoyed me but all the excuses he came out with after that are obviously lies. He should be offering a grovelling apology to you not treating you like a mug.

Falling asleep drunk on the sofa is fair enough but going to bed to watch something with an ex?? Even if my intentions were honourable, I'd be worried of the message I was sending him or anyone else, especially my sleeping partner next door!!

Do you think he was so drunk that he just made an excuse because he couldn't remember how he'd gotten there? If they're fully clothed, that sounds more likely.

Even with the benefit of the doubt before hand, the fact he then tried to lie about it is just really shitty and I would be making a huge deal about that as a whole.

There would be no need to lie about it if it's innocent, he didn't need to say he cuddled her or anything just he passed out in the same room as friend, he's very sorry etc. Lying is a huge red flag.

I'm guessing he lied because he knows that getting into bed with her for any reason is just not on!

I'd be more concerned at 35 weeks pregnant as to why your boyfriend didn't want to be able to drive/come to hospital should anything happen. He would be too drunk. This shows a level of stupidity I wouldn't be able to come back from.

Regardless of whether anything happened between him and his ex, I would be more worried that his first thought is to lie. Your DH is behaving unbelievably badly given you are so close to giving birth. I hope you are OK OP.

Soŕy you are pissed off!

I would have packed his stuff. Thrown it out, got my big brother and dad around. Taken a photo of he two of them in bed asleep, thrown a bucket of water over hem and then got my dad and brother to physically remove them.

I would be beyond fuming! He would be long gone!

Practically all the lines that Clairee has in Steel Magnolias:

Well, you know what they say: if you don't have anything nice to say about anybody, come sit by me!

We’re gonna need a bigger boat: Captain Brodie

Excuse me; I need to be where other people are not: Charles 4W&afuneral

Whoops wrong thread.

You should have ripped the covers off them to make sure they were FULLY dressed. I would find it hard to believe that they didn't at least have a snog if they were cosied up together.

I would be hitting the roof tbh.

I bet you there was fondling going on. No excuse what he did is culpable, he obviously has no respect for you

Why am I angry for you?!

I think you are under-reacting a lot. You don't have to answer here, but has he given you reason to mistrust him in the past? If the answer to that is yes, you should call it a day.

Omg, so disrespectful! For me I couldn't get past that, and then for him to lie about where he slept, would make me think what else is he lying about. Tbh I found it strange that she stayed anyway I would find it weird have my bfs ex for a sleepover ! Like someone else said people treat u how u let them. Sorry this has happened to u x

He brought his ex to your home. Even if he didn’t sleep with her, he brought her into your home while you were asleep heavily pregnant with his child. Nah get him to Fk. out the door, see ya later. I’m sure you’ll make a good single mother because he’s shown his true self as an insensitive piece of crap. He’s done you a favour before the baby was born

And what did your house guest have to say about it?

Not something I'd be forgiving I'm afraid.

I agree with those who say it's unlikely they did anything more Than sleep.
However, it still would have crossed way over my line and I'd more pissed off with him down-playing it, not to mention the initial lie about having slept downstairs. I don't care if it was because he thought you'd overreact. Lies are just a no-no, in every respect. In 23 years of marriage, dh and I have never lied to each other - or anyone else.

Hope you’re okay :-( I’m very early pregnancy and can’t even imagine how you must feel with hormones on top :-( If you take his word for it that this it was just cuddling and sleeping next to each other is that acceptable to you? In my mind I couldn’t accept that as it suggests a level of intimacy and tbh I would think more had happened anyway :-( sorry you’re going through this OP big hugs

OP, I dont think you are over reacting at all! Sleeping with someone else - no matter the 'reason' just isnt on.

he was fully clothed - they could have still kissed and cuddled.

he chose to relax with her in the bed she was sleeping in, not like he fell asleep on the sofa watching tv and she crept off to bed.

its so disrespectful, you need to stop being the “cool girlfriend” who is happy to have her DP hang out with his ex - if this is how far he takes it.

Wow. Fuck the cool girlfriend shit, he brought his ex gf into the house, got insensibly drunk with her, laid in bed watching vids on his phone with her, slept in bed with her, then lied about it all to you until he realised he was caught out. And you're supposed to be fine with that? Only if your standards are so low a flea could limbo under them.

He's a disrespectful, lying arse at best.

You’re not over reacting, you’re under reacting if anything.

What he’s done is hugely disrespectful. And he had the audacity to lie to you about it. I wouldn’t believe for a moment that nothing happened.

I can believe "nothing happened" (i.e. nothing sexual), but it's still not on and acceptable to snuggle with an ex in bed (even with clothes on) and fall asleep together, while having a partner (even more in this case, a heavily pregnant partner, who is asleep upstairs) . Totally unacceptable.

Not sure what I would do about the relationship right away, it depends how things have been so far, but definitely would tell the ex to leave my house right away and would expect at least a lot of grovelling from "D"P - who should consider himself grateful I am not already kicking him out too.