Has anyone actively sought out a new partner purely for financial security?

[CommonSenses]

Reading another thread early about a poster being single for a long time which inspired me to name change and write this.

I've been single for almost ten years too. Pretty much happily so. I'm early 30s. No contact from ex. No opportunities to socialise out of work due to not being able to afford extra childcare and lack of supportive family. I've come to terms I'll likely be single til my child is old enough to stay home alone for a few hours on an evening.

I'm a low earning professional. My degree is vocational and I can do nothing else with it except this job which I actually love. My earning potential is capped at about 35k but that'll likely be a decade before I'm near that.

We maybe have £50 'play money' at tr end of the month after all necessities are paid (basically rent, council tax, broadband and childcare - we don't have TV packages or memberships or expensive phone contracts). I use this extra money for unexpected bills like car repairs or for taking my child out for a day.

I have no romantic interest and the thought of being with someone again makes me anxious. I've been independent for so long. But I know that we will never be financially secure unless I find a relatively high earning partner. I haven't even attempted dating since my splitting with my ex due to no childcare options outside of working hours. But my child will be in teenage years soon and may be responsible enough to be left alone so I can sign up for online dating or join a hobby or evening class to socialise.

In all honesty, in my situation, despite having no interest in being romantically involved with someone ever again would you actively seek out a partner just for financial security?

Yes I would.

Several people I know found second husbands for financial security reasons. Each to ones own...

Hmm.

I know the woman who is now married to my ex did!

I left the luxurious lifestyle. She is clearly only with him because of it. Although it makes me chuckle that she basically just has my old life. He's still a workaholic and never home!

I think it’s fair to say it’s a consideration - I wouldn’t be able to have a relationship with someone who was irresponsible with money if they didn’t have plenty of it as I wouldn’t want to get tangled up in a difficult financial position, being a low earner myself I have to be quite careful too.

Gold digging is abhorrent though, unless it’s clearly a transactional relationship where the man gets a woman who is clearly ‘out of his league’ knowing that the trade off is supporting her (a la mail order brides).

When I recently split with my ex someone asked me if part of the reason I was so upset was that I had lost the financial help he gave me. I can honestly say it wasn’t, but when I imagine a future with him I can see posh holidays and a nice house etc. When I imagine it on my own it’s a more modest affair but I’m sure would still be satisfying. If he didn’t have so many other wonderful qualities I wouldn’t even have considered a future with him purely for the benefits it would bring.

No. No-one has ever done that. You’re the first to ever think of it

Op why not work on your career instead of Trading sex for money.

Why don't you think of it as looking for someone who's in your own position? It's always cheaper to live with someone - on your own you pay the full whack for absolutely everything. I know when my ex husband left the children and I were immediately £2,000 per month worse off. It stands to reason if someone moved in, the opposite would happen.

I think it's practical to consider whether someone can contribute equally and not be a drain on your finances if you get into a relationship. Considering a relationship just to bring money into the house is

I'm hugely focussed on my career I said that I love it but I'm aware my earning potential will mean I'll never be able to get a mortgage or have a holiday or savings. I'll be mid 40s before I reach 35k. I can't do anything else with my degree and can't afford to go to uni all over again. Not quite sure what else I'm supposed to do careers wise. This is as good as it'll get I think.

I've just come to the realisation that soon my child will be old enough to not need me around in the evenings and I can potentially do something not work or child related. I'll have no more 'excuses' not to socialise outside of work with colleagues or rebut their conversations about why I haven't tried o line dating.

Our lives would be so much more comfortable if I was married and living costs were shared. I'm not talking about sex for money fgs. I'm talking about embarking on dating in a year or two for the sole purpose of eventually finding financial security, not because I'm lonely or feeling unfulfilled. I'd never stay with some one purely for money! The hope would be I'd eventually find someone I like then grow to love who I can then share living costs with and be financially secure because of a marriage certificate. High earner to me doesn't mean someone who can offer big houses or all inclusive holidays. Just some one

my partner and i have very different incomes he earns about four times a year than i do, but when i met him i had no idea of this, i knew he was working and what job he had but its only when we became an established couple that he told me how much he earns, we are not together just for money we have a good relationship, but i have got to admit that compared to how badly off my ex left me (£10 a week to feed myself after bills paid) the lifestyle i have now where i dont have to think about buying something i want and still having money left at the end of the month does make a difference, but i dont think i could have gone this route if i didnt like my partner and we didnt have lots of things and values on life that coincide

... Someone. To share living costs with and to build decent savings with so we're not freaking out about sourcing money for car repairs or anything else unexpected.

I think the way to look at it, from your point of view, is that when you're a bit more free to do a bit of dating, you'll hopefully find someone you like.

And a nice side effect will be a little bit of spare money (assuming you find someone who's at least solvent).

Don't see the harm in that. Don't overthink it!

I'll never be able to get a mortgage or have a holiday or savings.

Make your peace with it. Millions of people will never have any of those things. Plenty of them who are coupled up. It’s life. Not everyone gets the cushy life. It’s fine. Cut your cloth accordingly. Do what you can with your own career, savings, pension, etc now to secure your future as much as you can. The point your missing about using another’s person for financial security is they can walk out of your life at any point. Leaving you where exactly? Make your own security, depend on your own finances. No surprises that way.

BTw those free evenings could always be used to work more and stick some money away. But I guess having someone else to do the work is an option too.

No. I have self respect and I want it to stay that way - I might be poor but I value myself and I couldn't if I was a gold digger.

Work more how? I already am out the house 7 to 7 every day. Are you saying I should get a second job once my child is a teen and can stay alone in the evening. When would I sleep? What would that do to my child emotionally? Being left alone every evening for hours on end. When I talked about future socialising I meant maybe a few hours every month not every night.

I think it's a risky business. If your primary concern is how much they earn and whether they'd be prepared to share it with you and your kids, then what are you willing to overlook in order to get it? A porn habit? A miserable git underneath the facade? Domestic violence? I'm single and I have to say I would put the absence of all of the above way over how much they earn.

Dissimilitude thank you. I think you've summarised my intentions perfectly.

Where is your pride?! Stand on your own 2 feet!!!!

Working evenings doesn’t have to involve leaving the house. Think outside the box. If you were actually serious about securing your future you wouldn’t be considering placing it in the hands of another person. That’s far too risky.

What would that do to my child emotionally?

What would it do to your child emotionally if they saw you in an relationship purely for the money? It's hardly setting them a good example is it?

One of the things I love about my husband is financial security but it's not the only or most important thing. A shared long term outlook on life and his nice bottom are more important.

No. I said quite clearly I'd never stay with some one horrid or who I didn't like purely for financial benefit. Just the same as I would never rule out being with someone just because they're a low earner like me. It would still mean our living costs would be halved.

I suppose I should have rephrased my question to : has anyone pushed themselves into trying dating just to find someone to share living costs rather than because they were feeling lonely.

I am standing on my own two feet Eliza! All I'm saying is that's its not a nice place to be financially and having a partner (once thoroughly vetted and I'm confident is not a molester with a porn habit fgs) to share living costs with would make me feel a lot safer.

So are you raising your son to Be a sugar daddy for women who aren’t interested in earning it themselves?

How would you feel about being targeted by men who want a ready made family. They want a child to play football with because all their mates are settling down but don’t want the financial obligations incase they decide to leave after a few years.

Would you date only rich men and settle for comfort over genuine connection?

Date a series of rich men for the lifestyle?

Or do you mean that the king term hope of someone to share money issues and life with would override your intrinsic desire to be single forever enough for you to meet a decent guy who you loved irrespective of hoe many million he had on the bank?