Has anyone actively sought out a new partner purely for financial security?

[CommonSenses]

Reading another thread early about a poster being single for a long time which inspired me to name change and write this.

I've been single for almost ten years too. Pretty much happily so. I'm early 30s. No contact from ex. No opportunities to socialise out of work due to not being able to afford extra childcare and lack of supportive family. I've come to terms I'll likely be single til my child is old enough to stay home alone for a few hours on an evening.

I'm a low earning professional. My degree is vocational and I can do nothing else with it except this job which I actually love. My earning potential is capped at about 35k but that'll likely be a decade before I'm near that.

We maybe have £50 'play money' at tr end of the month after all necessities are paid (basically rent, council tax, broadband and childcare - we don't have TV packages or memberships or expensive phone contracts). I use this extra money for unexpected bills like car repairs or for taking my child out for a day.

I have no romantic interest and the thought of being with someone again makes me anxious. I've been independent for so long. But I know that we will never be financially secure unless I find a relatively high earning partner. I haven't even attempted dating since my splitting with my ex due to no childcare options outside of working hours. But my child will be in teenage years soon and may be responsible enough to be left alone so I can sign up for online dating or join a hobby or evening class to socialise.

In all honesty, in my situation, despite having no interest in being romantically involved with someone ever again would you actively seek out a partner just for financial security?

😂 do you write all your own jokes? You shouldn’t.

In all human societies, men and women have been trading financial security for sex for millennia. It has always happened, and it always will.

It just happens not to be particularly PC to say so in the 21st century, when women have other paths to financial security open to them.

Interesting discussion. To add my two pence worth wouldnt it be better to find a way of enjoying life living within your means rather than chasing unicorns. Save that for when you are happy for your life where you are at.

Bizarre responses here. What you are describing sounds perfectly sensible and rational to me - give dating a go, because if you did meet someone and fall in love that would be great, and as a bonus would help make your financial position easier.

Obviously it would be a bad plan to stay with them “for the money”. But it’s a good enough motivation to get going on the process and see who might be out there for you! (of course you might find someone lovely and floats your boat who is totally skint and that would be fine too! )

Good luck!

If trading sex for money left women the better off for it then I would say go for it. But it doesn’t. It leaves them vulnerable.

OP you are still young and have time on your side. Never give up. We only get one life. What's so wrong with not wanting to live a life of drudgery with no prospect of ever having a holiday/ anything nice to look forward to? I totally see where OP is coming from. I could easily imagine myself in this position - it must be so hard. To your credit OP you sound like you have done really well to support yourself and your child alone with no support. Good for you.

Z are you genuinely thick or just trolling?

wouldnt it be better to find a way of enjoying life living within your means rather than chasing unicorns

But the fact is that sometimes life is fucking shit whilst living within your means and being financially independent. And OP is saying that one impetus for her to find a relationship may possibly be the idea of not having sole financial responsibility anymore. I don't blame her for this. I really don't think she's saying she'd find someone with a couple of quid in their pocket and hang on for dear life.

Doesn't everyone strive to make their life a little easier? Does that make you an utterly shit of a person? I don't think so.

Not specifically but if I was attracted to 2 men and one earned 18k and the other 75k I'd go for the second.

I would never do it just for financial security though. But if we had a mutual connection and maybe someone living at home with their mother may have got a no, the man who is standing on his own two feet would get a yes.

I think as a professional mum with children you wouldn't seek out someone who's irresponsible with money , I think their is a difference though with seeking some one out for money. I think lots of us find our selves at the start earning the same if not more than our partners. My husbands ex went deliberately went after men who were very rich , she's married now and give up work. She is very financially secure now but all her family say she is very unhappy as she is reliant on him for everything. It's just my humble opinion but my daughter knows that it's hard work that gets you self respect, my step daughter who once told me that she wanted to got to uni like me has told me she just needs meet a rich man and doesn't need try hard at school.

Z are you genuinely thick or just trolling?

Pick whichever suits you. You wouldn’t believe any answer I give you.

I'd say both.

Would you? And do you feel better now you’ve got an answer? So we’re done now? Good.

Actually OP did state she wants relatively high earning partner- as a female early 30s earning circa 60 -70K myself I tend to date men of similar earning power and they are far and few between and from my experience tend to want a partner earning similar to them.

RidingWindhorses does seem to have got that one about right.

It cos shez so cleva innit hun

Yes but op said her expected earnings are £35k. Some couples I know have a total income of £35k between them and still manage holidays days/evenings out, own their own home etc. I eouldnt call £35k living in poverty.

Also I wonder how people would react if a man said he was seeking a woman purely for financial security....

Yep....

Whaaaat?! OP, you are getting a really unusual amount of stick and I just can't see why. Of course it is easier to manage financially when you can share costs, it goes without saying. I can only imagine that those giving you a hard time either haven't been in your situation, or have perhaps had a really tough time of it, are rightly proud of their independence and the sacrifices they have made, but feel that means you too should plough the same furrow.
As someone who occasionally thinks about whether I should call it a day with DP as we are increasingly growing apart, I am massively disincentivised by the loss of joint income and the implications this would have on ours and our DCs lives. I totally get it. If we separated, which would mean losing the house with no means for either of us to buy again, I would definitely look to share living expenses by renting with someone, although in my mind it is a housemate as opposed to a partner, as I can't get my head around another romantic involvement at the moment.
I think the thing to consider is whether you would be worse off than you are now, should your new 'arrangement' flounder.
Good luck!

I do know a man of 60 who's only ever earned enough to rent a small flat and who is currently OLD in an attempt to meet a "rich widow". If he finds such a person and she likes him, I don't see anything wrong with it.

I'm the opposite. I've been single since my DD's father walked out when I was pregnant - she'll be 21 this year. I didn't have either the time or the inclination to date when she was small, so spent time working my way up the ladder and paying off the mortgage. I'm a moderate rather than a hugely paid worker. I'm getting married in July and at the moment, we plan to keep both houses .... I find the idea of not being financially independent quite weird, to be honest, although DP and I are pretty equal - he has a mortgage but five different pensions. I do want to marry him and eventually live with him in a joint house after we sell ours, but for me this is a massive deal (bigger than marriage). My DD texted me that she was "interested" because she had never seen me as someone who was bothered about a wedding or marriage, not that there is anything wrong with it (she added quickly). She said that she thought financially and emotionally, I was quite sorted. I don't think I am at all, but quite gratified that she sees it like that.

I have to say it’s so weird that this is still such a thing for some women- find a man for financial security. Why not get a better job or a promotion or live somewhere cheaper, etc? And for all those who are surprised at the reaction/ having a go a zip, op did say she wanted a man for financial security (to get a mortgage and have holidays) and wasn’t otherwise interested in dating.

It’s sad that so many women still think this is the way to financial security or an acceptable reason to start or stay in a relationship. If you want a man so he can support you, what happens when he loses his job or fucks off and leaves you for a younger model?

35k is even a poverty wage - I assume you must be in the south east to think that. If you want to continue with your current job, why not move to a cheaper area where you can buy? It’s maybe a lot of upheaval but any more than moving in with a man so he can support you?

op, I think you have attracted a lot of negative & unhelpful comments.

I understand you are thinking ahead & at the moment things seem quite rigid & tight. You are doing a great job...

Do you have a spare room ? a lodger (female or male) may give you a bit of extra cash & perhaps babysitting?
I know this isn't quite what your asking but it may give you time to 'date', if that's what you want?

Yes but only if I was willing to actually try and attempt to love them and have a real relationship which I was committed to with them. And if I was determined not to lie to myself about it if it wasnt working. I wouldnt want to mislead someone or treat them as a cash cow.

I think that just looking for someone on a certain income is fair enough however. As long as you dont end up lying to yourself and staying with someone you cannot really love just for the money.
Its fair enough to decide to only date people who could help your financial situation as long as you dont mislead people you dont actually end up feeling anything for.

So what if the OP just wants someone for his money? And a man with money wants a looker on his arm because he’s desperately in love with her? Get real, unattractive men with money want (and get) good looking women, because they make the unattractive man look good, and she gets the money, the same?

Horses for courses, bloody self righteousness on here. Wouldn’t it be lovely if it were all Mills n Boon or the Walton’s eh? Well real life’s not like that. OP if you’re happy with that, and if he (when you find him) is happy with the relationship, that’s all that matters.

Ignore the rubbish comments and vitriol on this thread, and do what the bloody hell you like