Has anyone actively sought out a new partner purely for financial security?

[CommonSenses]

Reading another thread early about a poster being single for a long time which inspired me to name change and write this.

I've been single for almost ten years too. Pretty much happily so. I'm early 30s. No contact from ex. No opportunities to socialise out of work due to not being able to afford extra childcare and lack of supportive family. I've come to terms I'll likely be single til my child is old enough to stay home alone for a few hours on an evening.

I'm a low earning professional. My degree is vocational and I can do nothing else with it except this job which I actually love. My earning potential is capped at about 35k but that'll likely be a decade before I'm near that.

We maybe have £50 'play money' at tr end of the month after all necessities are paid (basically rent, council tax, broadband and childcare - we don't have TV packages or memberships or expensive phone contracts). I use this extra money for unexpected bills like car repairs or for taking my child out for a day.

I have no romantic interest and the thought of being with someone again makes me anxious. I've been independent for so long. But I know that we will never be financially secure unless I find a relatively high earning partner. I haven't even attempted dating since my splitting with my ex due to no childcare options outside of working hours. But my child will be in teenage years soon and may be responsible enough to be left alone so I can sign up for online dating or join a hobby or evening class to socialise.

In all honesty, in my situation, despite having no interest in being romantically involved with someone ever again would you actively seek out a partner just for financial security?

If you want to share with someone for living costs but have no interest in romance then perhaps consider sharing with another female single parent? That’s a relationship that’s platonic, based on mutual respect and will allow you to share costs.

Anyway.,, No, I’d never date purely for financial reasons. If you want more money then you need to look at other career options. There’s always a way if you’re determined enough. Or other income streams that can be done a small number of hours a week from home (virtual PA for example.)

Zibbidoo are you trying to flog am mlm scheme here? My evenings are normally spent on my current career. Planning and reading and completing things for the next day. I have no savings for start up costs for a business venture. I have no extra energy to take on another job or complete online surveys or whatever fantastic career from home you're hinting at when I already work full time.

I was perfectly happy on my own but was in a similar financial situation as you OP and wanting financial security pushed me back into the dating game. However i would never stay with someone just for the money there would have to be a connection there too. I want to love someone and be a happy committed relationship. The financial aspect, although what pushed me back to dating, doesnt even enter on to the list of things i want from a partner - i would never turn someone down if they had a low paid job (so long as they had some sort of job) etc.

Good luck with actually finding anyone decent on OLD.
Most men either rent a room or live at home and are saddled with debt or paying loads of child support.
You'll probably find you will be financially keeping them.

Zibbidoo are you trying to flog am mlm scheme here?

Well I tried flogging sex to rich men but the markets flooded. (And no, I’m not.)

Suit yourself OP. If you didn’t want opinions, you shouldn’t have asked.

OP, I'm pretty sure you've walked into the ring of goady fuckers.

At no point in your OP did it say you wanted to be with someone purely for their money, people are fucking daft and putting words in your mouth.

Yes, financial security is a great reason to push yourself out there and try and date. I don't think you'll be asking for salary info and making a decision based on that, but seeing as you've already been standing on your own 2 feet for so long, it would be nice to share the burden. That is a natural bonus to dating and finding someone you like, at least now you know you're in it for sensible reasons and aren't going to run off with junkie joe who spunks his £30 a week on weed cause you luff him loads.

Good luck with actually finding anyone decent on OLD.
Most men either rent a room or live at home and are saddled with debt or paying loads of child support.
You'll probably find you will be financially keeping them.
This!!

At no point in your OP did it say you wanted to be with someone purely for their money

From the OP “I have no romantic interest and the thought of being with someone again makes me anxious.”

So it’s not for companionship or romance. In fact, the thought of that makes her anxious

“In all honesty, in my situation, despite having no interest in being romantically involved with someone ever again would you actively seek out a partner just for financial security?*

Again, no interested in love.

But sure, it’s not about the money.

No. Sounds great on paper the reality would be something else entirely and other sacrifices would be made. This is why affairs end up happening - if you stick it out with someone you don’t really love or fancy, you are setting yourself up for a dreary life of fakeness.

Yes I’ve comsidered it - I’m a single mother with 2 DC and it’s bloody hard. But I would much rather be alone and proud of what I have achieved all by myself.

I'm talking about embarking on dating in a year or two for the sole purpose of eventually finding financial security, not because I'm lonely or feeling unfulfilled.

Nope, not about the money at all.

FWIW any man savvy enough to get into a relationship knowing its for his money is savvy enough to have his money tied up so well you’ll never see a penny once the sex stops.

OP I totally get what you are saying. You are happy with your life as it is, you are happy being a single parent and you are happy with your job (I'm assuming teacher or similar). But money is an issue and with a husband/wife things would be easier.

TBH if you met and married someone on similar to you (mid 20ks I'm assuming again) you might be able to get a mortgage depending on area. DP and I earn similar and have a mortgage, money is tight but will be worth it when we are old or want a bigger house.

Poor OP isn't saying she will take anyone who has a bit of cash, or even saying she wants a rich old man with a bad cough. She is purely asking if anyone else who is happily single has thought about trying to find a partner (who they will like and love) to make a life with because life would be easier financially than on their own.

If I wasn't with DP I would be trying to find someone, not just to have companionship, not just for sex, but for the security of having someone financially, physically and emotionally. Their ability to provide that security would be important but not overrule the type of person I was willing to 'settle for' (although I'd still be all for a rich old man with a bad cough!).

Those of you so opposed to my way of thinking here, let me ask you if you think all woman who push themselves into dating are equally as awful as me?

Most woman set out to find a partner to fill an emotional void in their lives. They will keep dating people until they find someone they really like and connect with.

I'm planning to set out to find a partner not because I'm lonely but because I'd eventually like to live in a two person income household. To fill a financial void as opposed to an emotional one. I will not shack up with the first person I meet. I'd need to be attracted to and connect with that person. Even if they earned the same as I do, it wouldn't matter. I wouldn't turn down someone because they don't earn 50k plus a year. It would still be a second income.

I would never stay with someone purely for financial gain.

Why am I more horrendous for pushing myself into dating because I'd like to fill a financial gap whereas someone doing it to fill an emotional gap can do so without judgement?

Posts like this make me want to change my will to make sure DC inherit my share in case DH, in his grief, gets sucked in by someone who thinks like you. Unlikely but just in case.

Storm and Rafikils you have both explained my thinking much better than I ever could! Thank you. That's exactly what I'm trying to say.

@CommonSenses you're not horrendous, you just worded your OP a bit shit and Zibididoodah has taken it totally literally.

You sound sensible.

Genuinely dumbfounded by the pious judgement the OP is getting, here. What's with the attempted shaming?

What a horrid, horrid thread this is.

Where is your pride?! Stand on your own 2 feet!!!!

I think you'll find that she's been doing this, as a single parent, for over a decade.

let me ask you if you think all woman who push themselves into dating are equally as awful as me?

Do all women push themselves into dating to secure a mortgage and holidays?

Most woman set out to find a partner to fill an emotional void in their lives. They will keep dating people until they find someone they really like and connect with.

Most people, men and women, set out find a partner to have an emotional connection, share their time doing mutually enjoyable activities, with the intention of falling in love and forming a mutually supportive relationship. Not a “can you secure me a mortgage and holidays” one way street.

To fill a financial void as opposed to an emotional one.

As long as you are upfront and honest on your dating profile saying that is what you want then fine. I’m sure there are a few men who only wish to fill a financial void. You may have to queue up.

zibbidoo why are you so emotionally invested in this? If you dont like the question, dont answer it. Dont keep coming back every 5 minutes to have another dig at the OP and make yourself feel all high and mighty.

OP I married DH for love nearly 30 years ago. He was penniless then but had prospects and was charming, clever ambitious and talented and v good looking. If he'd been a penniless blob I doubt I'd have fallen for him.

I don't understand your rationale about your own earnings though. What do you do that is so dead end and has such a low ceiling if you needed a degree to do it. I started a new career in my 40s post children and whilst it was low pay for the first five years and middling for the next 7 my pay is now v healthy.

I think you should work on your own esteem and confidence really and then see if you can find the right man for you.

Good luck.

Then really, you are just looking for what anyone would be looking for. A partner and a future. No one really wants a partner with shit finances. It would be part of the whole package

As someone who is similar to you and has dated over 10 years in my experience men in their 40’s have often already been divorced and are equally as protective of their assets as any divorced woman. They may also be still supporting a family. So things are often quite complex

zibbidoo why are you so emotionally invested in this?

this is a chat forum. It’s how it works. Questions asked, answers given.

If you dont like the question, dont answer it.

So only answers that agree with OPs are allowed?

I would, i wouldnt date someone I didnt fancy for financial security BUT I would feel more comfortable having someone to split the bills with etc.

I have a partner but if I didn't then I would try to find one just for that 1 reason alone

Solvency is a useful proxy indicator for a lot of good characteristics in a partner.

OP is not indicating she wants a millionaire. She's not hanging out at trendy bars trying to land a footballer. She's merely being wistful, and concentrating on how a partner would help with a particular current pain point. Don't see the problem.