NC (No Contact) thread #11: learning all the way

[Belonger]

A thread for anyone going/maintaining/struggling with/succeeding in going NC with someone for whatever reason. No judgement, just lots of support. All different situations welcome.

Many of us have found www.baggagereclaim.co.uk useful, worth a look for helpful articles and podcasts

Is this just for ex partners?
I've been NC with my mother for over 4 years now and feel much better for it.
xx

Good morning all.
Bloody/Ravens. So pleased you understand what I mean. Almost felt like I was cracking up. It does almost feel like being haunted! It's like it is always there, you still feel an attachment but they have gone. I wonder f they are feeling it to?
I'm.sleeping better. The rawness seems to be passing and I feel like I'm left with unanswered questions which I'll have to make peace that I'll never know the answers.

Morning all. Day 10 here I think but not counting. Not seen him for over 5 weeks though. I've unblocked him on Facebook/messenger today as feel like I can control myself not to contact him. I blocked then deleted his number so can't contact him that way. He should get the things I posted today.

Still dreaming about exes 😩

Literary
Well done on 5 weeks not seeing him and 10 days NC.. careful to not let guard down with unblocking and continue your healing.
I checked my NC whatsapp this morning and He was online so I know I'm not blocked. I feel confident I don't need to block and I won't contact. I haven't yet deleted messages as I get a strange comfort that they are there..

Tictac the first thing I did was delete all messages as reading them reminded me of all his good points and our happy times and I needed to focus on the bad things in order to stay strong and not change my mind about ending the relationship. My guard isn't going to lower, don't worry. I'm still a bit apprehensive about my trip away as somewhere I've not been before but excited too. My LO is really looking forward to it.

Stay strong and positive everyone!

Literary hope you've done the right thing unblocking . I blocked on fb not because of any urge to message but because it was so distressing seeing stuff he was tagged in.

Just out of interest ... if you unblock are you still friends? I presumed that blocking automatically unfriended as well, and that if you ever wanted to be friends again in the future you'd have to 'add friend ' and be accepted.

Literary. When do you go away?
I'm away with my ds tomorrow but last time I was in this place I was with NC.. only in February. The messages aren't nice really. Telling me he can't be anyones and how his life is going to get harder and how he messes things up. So a reminder he doesn't want me.

Hello Ladies feeling better today after the long easter weekend. Determined to stay NC after being tricked somewhat into talking to NC. Have decided to accept a coffee date for Saturday not sure how that will go. Not sure how many days now but not many given i have had to start over. Hugs to all you lovely ladies. Thanks for the new thread belonger. Stay strong ladies we can do this. :)

Hi there just checking in it’s day 13 for me. We have a ds though so lots of contact about meet ups etc but nothing more. She offered me the use of her car a few weeks ago for my first eow with ds, and I told her to get lost and stop trying to help. She just gave up on our 12 years together and destroyed our family, why would I want her help ever again? So much I want to say but it will get me nowhere.

Hello all
Aaargh. a sex and rejection dream last night.
I was undressing him and he was telling me about this lovely young author he knew (and was clearly after). Humiliating, even in dreams.
On the floor this am frankly. Easter hols. Exh was supposed to have kids but has not managed it so I cant retreat and howl/long bath etc.

Morning all, you can just unfollow on Facebook if you don't want to see their posts but remain friends.

Basseting, sorry the dream has set you back. They can be brutal. Sorry exH is letting you down again.

Thanks, OldBook, thanks, anxious
Maybe my subconscious mind is telling me what i need to hear?
Interestingly, he was wearing a suit/raincoat (Dirty Old Man!) that he would have worn in 1990. (now he wears scruffy casuals) so it was him 'then' I was desiring. I was 'me now' though!

ExH - i despair.... he is unwell again (not his fault) but he goes into a helpless / aggressive state and it is SO hard to be around. But if the kids wont go with him what do I do? It is getting worse and I feel so trapped.

Meh I had to email my NC on a professional matter today from work but left it very formal I'm not counting that as contact

Oldbrook I've unblocked but the first thing I did when we split was unfriend them anyway. I really don't get why anyone would be friends with an ex on Facebook. I blocked to prevent messenger contact, not to prevent seeing updates as I wouldn't get those anyway. Not friends in real life, not friends on Facebook. I have a very limited number of people on my friends list as my self esteem isn't tied to my number of friends like some people I know (my stbxh and his sister and ex best mate).

Struggling a bit today. I think it’s the weather getting me down. Tired of rain.
Need cheering up and I would normally turn to nc.
Day 20 though. So next aim is 25. The counting does help a bit until I get to day 30.

I think staying fb friends and any unecessary contact gives very mixed signals. It says I want you/I don't you/I love you/I hate you/I never want to see you again/ I want you back etc. The overall message is that you're seriously fucked up and crazy and nobody wants to deal with someone like that so they won't engage and you'll just be the crazy ex they slag off down the pub. There is dignity is true non contact. Hold your head high.

Checking in for Day 17.

Theparting you sound like you are getting organised. Well done on the weight loss.

Things are better at home with H. My job is going slightly better (bearable) and I'm still not talking to my Mum but that's actually positive.

Ido welcome it's for everyone

Basseting hope things improve with exH soon. He is like a noose around your neck.

Rhubarb sorry to hear you are out of sorts but really well done!

Bloody. I'm in awe of how long you are NC.

Mrs hope yore feeling better today.

Tictac I'm sure they have to feel something as well. They can just compartmentalise better I think. Or have better willpower.

Oldbrook I'm not in favour of blocking unless they are dangerous or abusive. I think it assigns too much importance to them and inflates their ego.

Literary I've deleted all messages as well. They are in the past and mean nothing to me.

Oliking how were you tricked into talking to him? Hope you have a lovely coffee date. I think it's great to have a distraction and you never know he might be lovely.

Lonely well done on Day13

Hi Anxious

Mermaids there was definitely nothing you could do if you had to contact him via work. I wouldn't count that either

@NK1cf53daaX127805d4fd5 as ever I bow your amazing powers of recall when referring to everyone here! You have a superpower!!

Ooh bassetting just read your sex rejection dream post. Sending hugs. I hate those. Can stay with me for the whole day xxx