NC (No Contact) thread #11: learning all the way

[Belonger]

A thread for anyone going/maintaining/struggling with/succeeding in going NC with someone for whatever reason. No judgement, just lots of support. All different situations welcome.

Many of us have found www.baggagereclaim.co.uk useful, worth a look for helpful articles and podcasts

Baby I think you just have to accept that he is not a part of your life anymore. Think of him as a sperm donor. That's what I did. But you need to make it very clear that you are NOT still in a relationship with him and that you are moving in with your life. Tell him you'll let him know when the baby is born and just leave it at that. Block him until the baby is born. Anything else is just a waste of your time and will continue to mess with your head. This is where you have to be strong for you and your baby otherwise the remainder of your pregnancy will be spoilt by him. Focus on you and your baby and deal with him later. But please don't put him on the birth certificate, he doesn't deserve that privilege and you certainly don't want to give him any parental responsibility. You can do this x

Right, at what point do sensible people normally suggest exchanging phone numbers or moving communication onto Messenger on OLD? I'd happily suggest it now but don't want to seem too forward I'm not a fan of Communicating via the site for very long as the notifications don't always come through and I prefer to talk to people on the phone after messaging for a while. You get a better idea of them that way as messages are so often open to interpretation.

A week I think literary

I would thanks I'm not the most patient of people! How are you feeling tonight? Is the anxiety any better? Hope it is x

Feel a bit better thanks literary! Offered a new job yesterday so trying to think new chapter of my life is going to start. Also it’s worth offering your number, some men don’t like to ask! But it’s the obvious step after some chat. You might also be able to verify he is who he says he is

baby chin up! He sounds like a total and utter cock, you are well rid of that moron

I would I've already had a nosey on Facebook and things add up fine. He does work where he says he works, his daughter is the age he said she was, he is involved in the sport he says he is, his ex is very different to me which I think is good! She's dark haired, brown eyed with olive skin and I'm very much the English rose in comparison with colouring. Assuming it was his ex in the pictures with his day old daughter! Amazing what you can learn from Facebook which is why I have my privacy very tight with no publicly visible pictures of my children. In fact blokes that use photos of them with their kids on OLD profiles are instantly rejected by me. Hate it. Kids should have privacy I think.
New job sounds just what you need, congratulations! A new start is always good.

@Dimeal. sorry you're feeling like this today it does sound like you're feeling isolated. Don't worry too much about mistake. I think when we feel as we do it's easy to catastrophise. I hope you have at least one supportive person at work you can confide in? I've also got the feeling of packing up..I think our brains are trying to find solutions. I hope your revision is going ok this evening.
i went to see about a new job today but don't think I have the confidence. The experience with my NC has really knocked me. I feel lost, I don't know what to do or in which direction or even where to start.
@baby that's really tough. what planet is he on?
@Literary. it does sound like the OLD is proving positive for you.
@iwouldmarry. congratulations. The new job will force you to keep distracted

In fact blokes that use photos of them with their kids on OLD profiles are instantly rejected by me. Hate it. Kids should have privacy I think. - Totally agree with this LiteraryDevil - Also I move things from OLD to chatting via phone when I feel ready. One guy I spoke to all day and gave him my number that evening - if he's weird I can block him at any time. Others I won't give it at all. I'd say move it to phone chat when you want to, it's not that forward, especially if you don't use the apps much.

Tonight has been very uneventful for me. I still feel sad about being unwanted. I'm actually sad hearing so many NC have reached out and mine hasn't. How pathetic am I.

It's his birthday Tuesday, I wonder if he's waiting for me to get in contact then. Will have to stay strong and not. x

tic don’t let your nc affect your chances of going for a new job. Mine has knocked my confidence but I still know my strengths. Your nc can’t take that away from you

@meow. mine hasn't reached out either. it's hurts to not be wanted. I try to think he's suffered a little too rather than wind myself up thinking he is dating again.
@Iwouldmarry. thank you. I've done the same job for 12 years now as it fits around my ds following split with ex husband (not NC).. I've lost my way and I feel this new job would be too much. I do know I need to make a move though. I've stood still for a long time

@Tictactic go for the job, you never know what will happen and what is the worst thing that happens? You stay in the same job you’ve had for years. You don’t lose anything for at least trying. Might get you your confidence back!! I just keep walking around with a fake smile and nobody knows what’s going on. I just need a fresh start, just where I don’t know yet.

@meow my NC hasn’t reached out as such just the odd social media like but the blocking has stopped that. Also wish he would reach out but then what would I achieve?

Argh so I stalked my NC’s Instagram and I can’t see anything as he’s blocked and his profile is private. However every time I click on his profile it comes up with some hot brunette in the suggestions. I know that means she’s following him/he is her. So must be off Tinder. I’ve now requested to follow her - her account is private! Yes I’m mad I realise that.

I hope she accepts. I just want to see if he’s flirting with her or anything on her profile. He’s such a scum bag if so. Especially as he led me on for so long so for him to move on like that. Ugh I hate him. I just want to see proof that he’s a dirty dog like I know he really is and then I can feel fine that I’ve blocked him and got rid of such a moron! X

My NC hasn't reached out either. And I doubt he will.

I have reinstalled WA. His number isnt in my phone & I don't intend to put it in. I feel quite strong atm. I couldn't stand the emotional head fuck of him so I feel empowered!

baby all 8th at time with no contact and he thinks you haven't broken up. He sounds dysfunctional and deluded. Not what you need in your life.

meow don't torture yourself. He's an arse. He led you on & wanted to use you as and when it suited him. You want someone who treasures you & respects you. Forget its his birthday. Don't break NC.

that not 8th

Pineapple great to hear you're feeling strong.

Dimael a fresh start sounds like a good idea for you but if you can't do that could you have a holiday? You need a break.

Meow instagram sounds a nightmare. Good to know you are going to block once you know for certain though.

I unblocked mine the other day on messenger but no intention of contacting him at all. Just so that if he looks he'll see that I don't care enough about him and his ability to contact me to have blocked him. If that makes sense. I'm just not arsed about him.

Baby how are you feeling today?

meow you are putting yourself through torture! Is it worth deleting IG for a few days until you feel less stalky?

tic please try and go for the new job and work the logistics out if you get it!!

Day 24 and feeling quite a bit better. Off for a run later

Mornings

@LiteraryDevil I feel a little meh this morning, but not as bad as yesterday. I think crying it out helped in all honesty. Just needed to get that frustration out. Just shocked (well not as shocked) and annoyed that he's basically blamed me for not talking?
I ended up sending a message last night about how I can't deal with head games and how it's so unfair the ways he treated me. I also did state that I'm also to blame - I've had my crazy moments. He left me on read.

@pineappleeyes I know. When he said it .... I just didn't really know what to do or say, I did ask how he thought it was even possible. Like how he thought that being he way he'd been towards me he had maintained a relationship... and would think I'd still be ok for that.

@Iwouldmarrythebeast Amen! Enjoy the run later!! Well done on 24 days

@Tictactic Planet - I'm not doing anything wrong in a great guy. Commonly known as Fuck boy island 🌴

Not sure if I'm ready for the day tbh

I feel like I had another mad moment last night - they just come unexpectedly. I even debated driving over to his and doing something to his car like throwing paint on it! Lol - actually wouldn’t do that!! But I was just so mad and hurt.

I feel like I need a reason why I wasn’t good enough. I see him following these brunettes and is that the reason? He said he didn’t have a type but maybe me being blonde he just didn’t fancy me as much as these girls he’s adding online now.

I hate him so much. I never usually have regrets in life but he is a big regret for me. I know he was a massive lesson for me in dating but right now all I feel is anger and hurt.

I hate that I even feel anything when he quite clearly only has a slight bruised ego that I’m sure this new brunette will be helping him get over.

@meow you won’t heal if you keep going on his IG and adding his potential new gf’s. Delete the app for a few days at least and see how you feel then. You have to let go of this, I sense you are clinging on to get answers and sometimes we don’t get them.

@literarydevil holiday booked in July, get my exam done in June and then holiday. I need it now though. I haven’t liked my job for a while and the mistakes are happening as a result of work stress plus life stress.

@Babyblue good morning and hope you are better today? Take yourself out and get planning for this baby and focus on the future - I would love to go shopping for baby clothes!!!

@meowimacat
We all have crazy feelings, believe me I've been where you are. I once started driving to York, just so I could sit outside his camp and wait for him. But I didn't, don't become that crazy woman.

Unfollow the girls on instagram. Please take it from me. I did all of that, they either didn't accept and I kept checking or they do, and then delete you when you don't allow a follow back.

You're worth more than making yourself look like a head case.

You'll never get the reason, I promise you. He won't give you that because you need it.

Hate is good!! At least it's not you wanting him all day, hate will eventually be acceptance.
You'll get through it. We all will.

But being obsessed takes away time for your healing process

Be strong - stop look through insta please - I promise give it a few days without doing it and you'll get ther xxx

@meow why is he going for opposites to you? Because you are irreplaceable. He can’t have another you so he is going after the opposite to you if you get me. My first boyfriend was tall and dark haired, he was sensitive and intelligent. My recent NC was bald 🙈, uneducated and couldn’t express his emotions. See what I did there. It was not because I didn’t fancy my first boyfriend that I went for a bald man just he was so different it felt like a good idea. Just need to find the middle ground now don’t I. A blonde perhaps? 😂

@Dimael glad you've booked a holiday? Anywhere nice?? How you feeling today?

I'm feeling ok this morning, checked to see if he'd been on WhatsApp, but he read my message and still hasn't been online. So I'm aim today is not check.
Yeah I have my shower end of may :) so right now I'm preparing (cough cough my lovely parents) are getting th spare room read for a nursery.
I keep stopping myself buying bits, will wait now until after my shower lol x

@LiteraryDevil OLD guy, you have his number yet?

Agree with ‘baby’, you are going to drive yourself mad.

The last couple of days I have had a very strong sense of me rising above him and being so much more than he ever was. (Don’t want to sound big headed)