NC (No Contact) thread #11: learning all the way

[Belonger]

A thread for anyone going/maintaining/struggling with/succeeding in going NC with someone for whatever reason. No judgement, just lots of support. All different situations welcome.

Many of us have found www.baggagereclaim.co.uk useful, worth a look for helpful articles and podcasts

Literary - how long were you together? Sad for the kids too isn't it.

The parting - how are you teeth now? Great list too. Are you quite likely to bump.into each other?

Pineapple - that is harsh. You would think he would be less likely to mess you around now single.

It is hard to start new things when in midst of NC isn't it. Start with self care. Eating better, exercise, pampering, anything that helps you feel more healthy/together

Anxious 11 months. The trip this coming weekend was for our one year anniversary. LO doesn't see his dad so he was with me most of the time I was with my ex except for the odd evening date we went on. We didn't see an awful lots of his kids but we did go on holiday and stayed over a couple of weekends and had days out all together. My older ones couldn't stand them though.

Lit that is hard but glad you are still going to go.

Evening all. I’ve written an email which I will send my NC tomorrow. It’s nice, gives my thoughts on what went wrong and that I think we could work it out but also says I’m moving on and goodbye.

I’d love to send the email where I tell him he’s a shit who isnt nearly as emotionally mature as he thinks he is, but i won’t.

He won’t answer, I even say I don’t expect an answer. But it gives me the last word and a chance to reply. But once this has gone it’s NC forever. And move on. Maybe he’ll come back one day, hopefully I won’t care.

Morning all.
Dreamt about my ex husband again last night. Well I say ex but the divorce has yet to be finalised as he keeps delaying it. He's been gone 5.5 years ffs!

Morning Lit.
I bet you'll be pleased when the divorce is finalised. Like you say it's your minds way of processing.
I have an awful sinking feeling this Morning, like the world is too big a place? I think reality is setting in and I know it's over. I'm so annoyed at getting involved with him. I knew it was risky because only been separated a year from wife of 20 plus years. He lovebombed me, had me look line and sinker then did a complete u turn and ended it by text. I really didn't deserve to be treated that way.

Morning oldbrook. Glad you're feeling better. I took think the worst is over.
Keep strong

Sounds like things are looking up this morning old and tictac
I saw the husband yesterday when he came to get the two girls. He always looks half dead. I'd feel sorry for him if he hadn't been so abusive both in the marriage and once he'd left. He's just got a new, very expensive car and he looks like he's a vagrant so I bet people think he stole it

Haha Lit. That made me giggle. I haven't smiled in a couple of weeks. So hard I'm finding to find a sense of humour. Feel like I've been knocked sideways

I feel crap. I see a light and then I’m deflated and want him back. I’m reading and re reading chumplady ans baggagereclaim. We have to be our own best friend. And look after ourselves as we would a friend. It’s just so hard

I just saw this thread, I'm having a hard time right now, it doesn't make sense I was in the most abusive relationship with a class A addict, I had to finish it, couldn't take it no more. It's day 4 and NC, my anxiety has gone through the roof.

The fact is he destroyed me, made me feel boring, stupid and stripped me of any confidence. I need to get back to being me again, but it's so raw right now.

What would be one small thing to help me feel slightly better? I went for a pamper but still feel crap.

All we can do is keep going. I listened to a lot of Matthew hussey on YouTube.. lots of breakup advice there. Strangely listening to breakup songs think is training my brain it is over. I've done nothing over Easter. I really do think it's time. We just have to be kind to ourselves. I've also written things down.
Ice.. well done for getting out

Morning all. Sent my email. I’m done now. I’ve had my last say. He won’t reply. I’m sure he’s moved on in his head. I’ve told him how I felt and been very kind. He can do with that what he will.

So NC forever from him now. I’m not counting, but will pop in here occasionally to say hi. But it’s about moving forward now. I will be strong, I am not going to get sucked in to little messages here and there, dealing with him not replying. I’ve got to draw a line and move on.

Good luck everyone here. Honestly I did 36 days NC and it was brilliant. I then reached out in a calm cool way and have kept my dignity. Just keep to NC. Don’t rise to any emails/texts/triggers they know you can’t resist. It gives you a huge amount of power!

Welcome Ice. Write a list, a pen and paper list, of all his bad points and negatives if the relationship. Then write a list of all the positives of no longer being with him. It really helps focus your mind on the actualities rather than the emotions.

icepink well done! Cut yourself some slack, be kind to yourself. Try to distract yourself with mindless TV, talk to people about it, vent on this thread whenever you want to message him. You can do it!

Waves to OldBrook Ravens and sends thanks to Bloody for thinking of me

I am down this morning. It was exactly a year ago it began to climb to a full affair again, so it is hard not to think of: 'a year ago this a year ago that'. But, pointless to do so.

I wonder if I will ever see him again. I cant imagine not doing so but I dont want the rejection.

sorry. me me me...

LOADS of new folk joined the thread.
Sad you need to but GREAT you found us!

Cafe opening up for morning ...
Coffee and brunch or cocktails and nibbles avail, depending on your time zone... Good Company avail 24/7

Ravens I sent my final letter too about 6 wks ago.
I know I wont hear from him now. I was not unkind but I called responsibilities where they lay and he wont have liked it. But it needed saying.

Tickets bought Felt a little sad when I saw my ex's name on the railcard but otherwise happy to be having an adventure!

My bosses were really kind to me today. They sensed that I haven't been myself for a while and knew that I wasn't getting on with NC so I explained what happened but that I was fine. They came and gave me a hug which I didn't expect but was lovely

Off to the post office to return some of his kid's things. His stuff I've happily bombed but his kids deserve their stuff back. No note inside, just the stuff.

Hi! just checking in