NC (No Contact) thread #11: learning all the way

[Belonger]

A thread for anyone going/maintaining/struggling with/succeeding in going NC with someone for whatever reason. No judgement, just lots of support. All different situations welcome.

Many of us have found www.baggagereclaim.co.uk useful, worth a look for helpful articles and podcasts

Good stuff woss!

My NC said to me I should forget him and know that I've had a lucky escape as his life is going to get harder. Only a few weeks ago he was planning and talking about holidays later in the year. So confusing and a real head f%#k. It's hurts. Rejection is awful, my self esteem feels shot.

I was looking in the mirror after my shower this morning and noticed I still had sleep in my eye and it reminded me how after his shower he would still have dried sleep on his face and it was pretty grim. Every morning it was the same and I found it quite gross as he obviously wasn't washing his face. I did enquire at one point what he used to wash his face and he said just water so I bought him some men's face wash. Didn't bother using it. I don't think he even put his face under the shower spray. Grim. Am sure he was cleaner when we first started going out.

My point bring that it's good to focus on their negative traits when you are feeling wobbly about them.

Tictac the man is an emotionally immature fucktard x

Ewww literary. That's grim.
At the moment I can't see any bad points. I still have rose tinted glasses on. I gave to accept he doesn't want me. Although he is separated from ex for over a year he still seems emotionally involved.. I'm angry at myself for getting involved.
Literary he is emotionally mature in every other way but clearly not in a relationship. Is he trying to be kind to put me off I wonder or is he genuine..

Tictac stop trying to figure him out as you'll drive yourself nuts. Work on accepting it's over and doing things that you love x

Hi all... just back from an internet free weekend!
How I managed I'll never know.

Day 22 NC here. In the shittest of moods though and can't figure out if it's the NC, exDH, dire work and financial situation, or all four jumbled up together.

I feel incredibly stuck and quite despondent. Every time I read sthg about taking back control, my response is to kick myself for giving it away in the first place.

How on earth to move on? So much to fix, not least me.

Own worst enemy.

It's so hard soso but we have just got to keep on going. I read a quote earlier 'the past is in your head, the future is in your hands'..
I too am annoyed I gave it a go but I would have never known otherwise.
To move on..Good question. Keep busy but also allow time to think about it. Write things down? Do nice things for yourself. Reconnect with friends..
I need to take more of my own advice.i generally feel low and unmotivated

tic tac. That's it. Totally demotivated.
I keep asking myself at what point will I be able to move on, or, am I doing so already but can't see the wood for the trees.

I suppose we could all do with asking ourselves what do we do now, as a result of what we've been through, that we wouldn't have been able to do before.

For me, that's having a better honed twatdar. The shite I accepted from some men (Inc my husband)I know for a fact I wouldn't do now...eg; superiority complex/sperm receptacle/substitute mother.

Urgh!!

I think it's normal not being able to see wood for the trees. Early stages of NC are crazy. Each day that passes is another day forward.
I'm going to work on being my best self and recovering. I'm not looking for another man. I'm really fed up..

Admirable stance Tic. Am fed up too ... and you know what? It's ok to be fed up.
Quite normal in fact (I think), we're just conditioned by society/social media to always be 'on'. I don't think that's possible, or ok. Too much pressure.

Yes I get you soso. I am so fed up of false starts. I really thought this one was different. I'm dissapointed. On a positive it didn't go on for months and months so less investment and less time wasted.

Aminuts- great to hear such a positive update. Glad you are doing so well.

Pineapple - I made that excuse for mine too but would you do that to him or anyone else? We all go through hard times but don't screw the people we love up. I know I don't know your story though so may be off track.

Woss- great list! I agree doing things to make the other aspects of our lives better so that we don't need NC's as a distraction or to fill a hole.

sosogOOd - twatdar I like that !!!

Day 53 here - I am not hoping for him to contact by me doing this . I am stopping myself from contacting him as the ball was left in my court - yes, "can we be friends and still have coffee " ? Umm no FUCK OFF . Of course the temptation is still there but as DJ Gollum says "Don't look back " ! He doesn't deserve to know what is going on in my life , he doesn't get to keep in touch and every day he has to wonder if I am going to bust him. My silence is my power !

anxious no, I'd never fuck anyone else over just because I was going through a bad patch. Quite the opposite...I'dwant the people that make me feel good to stay close.
Basically a couple if years ago he wanted to be with me, wanted to leave his partner and said things weren't right between them.. I said i didn't want anything to do with him as he had a partner so we lost contact. It was an EA on his part I think. Now he's single and wants me to be his fwb!! I told him fwb isn't for me. Had no contact since! I'm angry and sad at the same time.

I'm going to buy my train tickets tomorrow for our little adventure so am feeling positive

basseting hope you are OK ?

Evening all - really wanted to message today but have stayed strong. I will gain nothing from it he's a twat he hasn't miraculously changed. Sending you all love and strength xx

It's quiet on here tonight. I've distracted myself by watching a film. I miss him

Woss great list
I'm going to
Redecorate hall and and stairwell.
Join a group exercise class
Stop smoking on 1st may.
Buy new clothes (lost 2 stone with all this angst)

Feeling slightly better. Weepy this morning but somehow mustered some strength from somewhere this aft, felt a bit calmer. Hate this. I thought I'd be well over the worst of it after 2. 5 months but in some ways it's getting worse. Panicking so much that I'll bump into them in the next few weeks. I'm nowhere near ready to deal with that.

Good to hear that some of you are coming out the other side, that gives me hope!

Oldbrook am loving your attitude tonight!

My LO still keeps saying how he misses ex's kids 😔

parting it's still tough and yes I have that initial "bumping into him " still to come. Am hoping I am going to look at him and think WTF was I thinking !

It's shit. I'm close to texting him tonight. It's draining. He's a twat. I've realised my self esteem must be rock bottom.
I need some hobbies but as a LP to 2 dc I have no free time. Distraction would be great but I have no interest in anything.