NC (No Contact) thread #11: learning all the way

[Belonger]

A thread for anyone going/maintaining/struggling with/succeeding in going NC with someone for whatever reason. No judgement, just lots of support. All different situations welcome.

Many of us have found www.baggagereclaim.co.uk useful, worth a look for helpful articles and podcasts

He rang this morning!! FFS!!! I didn't answer i left the phone there ringing out, and it killed me. Then he texted me saying urgent please just call me. I didn't text, this is none of my concern now, I have enough to deal with in my head and in my work. Another text about a legal matter, so I texted back a short reply straight to the point, free legal advice he gets now. Got a text back thanks and that was it.
At least he is not lying in a comatose drugged state in some drugs den, and now I can get back to my work.

I am not answering and more calls or texts from friends or family today, it seems they want to know all the gory detail, and pick the relationship apart. It does not make the situation any better, in fact its started to make me feel worse and more down. I didn't lose him to another woman, I lost him to hard class A drugs, which dominate and control his life. There are no winners apart from the dealers just losers. I tried and I failed, the drugs won. I am lucky I am free from such worries but I know he will never be free from his addiction.

Ice block his number and then delete it. Disengage.

Checking in too. Mental health has taken a dip so off to gp this arvo!

Oh ginger I hope you are ok. My thoughts are with you

Good luck at gp ginger, hope you feel a bit better soon

Hope you're ok ginger.

Really missing him today! Argh what's got into me!

Checking in for day 19. Pretty pleased with myself. Feeling ok. Definitely moving in the right direction. But a long way to go.
Nc put some photos on sm which a few weeks ago would have upset me. But it hasn’t affected me too much. Just a slight pang. Still miss him but the scales are falling.
How is everyone else doing?

basseting and ravens they don't like it when you call them out or state that they were hiccups or issues or sometimes even just simply stating your unhappiness/concern with how they behaved. You know what ? Too fcking bad !

ginger hope you are OK . I'm feeling a bit crap too as been a bit housebound compared to normal and it lets me ruminate .

I think when you’re in the fog and call them out on something, you just put up with their response even though you know it doesn’t feel right.

Anything negative you say to them about their behaviour or anything within the relationship or since is cancelled out by continued contact as they just think they can't be as bad as you're saying if you keep contacting them or engaging with them in any way because that says you still want them in your life even if it's just a telephone or email presence. I was tempted to email mine today then realised exactly this.

I think you’re right literary. Tolerating what they offer is interpreted as acceptance. And then you begin to accept anything they offer. And that’s when you start to feel rubbish.
Nc is good to stop that pattern. It helps you see what has been happening, your boundaries and expectations getting slowly eroded.
I ended up just communicating by message with my nc which suited him but made me feel pretty rubbish. Until I said enough of this and went nc. Fingers up to him.

Good luck Ginger.

Day 16 here and feeling good. Have taken myself offline so he can't see me. Don't want to hear from him. Rhubarb glad to hear you're feeling better. NC really does provide clarity doesn't it

It does nk. Definitely not out of the water yet, but I don’t have a strong instinct to message and I don’t check if he’s messaged me either really.
Do you think you’ll hear from yours?

I hear you Rhubarb. I'm not checking for messages from mine either. No I'm not expecting a message from him at all. Are You?

How are you feeling now Basseting?

Lots of positivity today on here I think the Easter holiday made things harder for lots of us but now Easter is over then things will settle down again.

I don’t think mine will message. Too much time has passed really. So it will be interpreted as a stand off.
I’ve got a nice weekend planned. Tempted to post some fan pictures on sm. Childish I know but I’d like him to see I’m doing fine

Checking in tonight. Hope everyone is keeping strong. I think work has helped me today. A good distraction. I really feel I cracked up last week. I just can't make sense of it all. I miss him but equally it feels like an illusion, almost like it didn't happen and I'm being haunted by a ghost. Sorry of that makes no sense..

I would post the photos. Why not?

Not sure how mine will interpret it but I'd say he'll wonder why I'm offline

nk I don’t think mine will know how to interpret it really. I just stopped messaging him. And then the weeks passed and here I am. I haven’t had much presence on sm so he won’t know what’s going on in my life at all really. Whereas as he’s posted a fair bit. So I will post any nice photos from the weekend I think. Embrace the immaturity in me for once.
tic I know what you mean about it seeming an illusion. It’s like life continues to patch over the gap that he left.

tictactic I know exactly what you mean. Sometimes you can almost pretend they never happened!

I’m trying to be positive today. Keeping a journal where I focus on what I’ve achieved. No misery allowed. Trying to see the good in everything and appreciate the small wins.

Keep on going everyone

Ravens glad you're feeling ok about sending the email and can draw a line now. You seemed to have gained some peace, which is great.

NK and Rubarbs well done on sustaining the NC . How are things at home NK? Not too fraught I hope.

I've felt better today. I think I needed to feel that grief and let it out on Friday night, but that level of upset wasn't sustainable thankfully so I have returned to calmer waters. Less than 2 weeks until teeth get sorted as well so there's that to look forward to. And a holiday in Greece in may with gang of mates and kids. Oh and some retail therapy today, got a dress and a couple of tunic tops in my new lower size, yay! Then came home and tipped out my wardrobe... everything innit is now too big. So need to sort what can be ebayed and what's to go to the charity shop. Will eBay as much as poss to fund more clothes in my lower size. Hopefully I can source replicas of my absolute faves as well on eBay, some I don't want to say goodbye to! Going for bra-fitting tomorrow as well ... a bit more support there will do wonders, I'm sure!

Glad most of us are feeling better today, go us!!

titactic and ravens

How true is that - " it feels like an illusion, almost like it didn't happen and I'm being haunted by a ghost. " That is EXACTLY How it feels !!!!

But ending on a Positive here - tomorrow will be my Day 55 and I am really beginning to see him for what he was ! It does get easier but it is up and down , forwards and backwards ...

Had a bad eve with one of my DC so only just coming on to post something positive and can see there’s already a lot of positivity on here already today! Yay all of us!

I managed to hold things together today. I didn’t cry like I have every time he’s dicked me about before. I just ignored and he didn’t like it at all. Sounds v childish and it is. That’s one of the problems

Did have a good cry in the car on the way home but overall that’s a positive day for me (realise as I write that how low I’ve been setting my bar ).

ginger hope you’re feeling better soon. I’m going back to my docs end of this week to go back on my anti-ds in the hope I can start to tackle some of what’s wrong in the rest of my life.

to all