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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Totally infatuated with man I occasionally work with

211 replies

Userwho · 31/03/2018 21:40

I've recently met a man through work. I'd seen pics before we met and colleagues had talked very positively about him and I'd had a feeling he would be my kind of guy. The minute I met him I was completely blown away. He is the kind of man I have fantasised about meeting since I was about 16!
Anyway we swapped numbers for work purposes and exchanged a couple of work related texts. He then text me at 10pm one night complimenting my profile pic and again the next night with quite a flirty but brief message. I replied in a jokey way but had nothing back except a laughing emoji Hmm
I literally cannot get him out of my head. I really want to ask him out but I have no real idea that he'd say yes and I have to work with him quite a bit this month. I'd also be absolutely terrified of actually going out with him if he did say yes. He just seems so far out my league, without meaning to put myself down!
Any ideas on what to do or not to do, or how to get him out my head?!

OP posts:
PinkFluffyFairy · 04/04/2018 20:09

I'm in a very similar situation to u OP.

Hope the person with the girlfriend info is wrong.

Good luck.

seventh · 04/04/2018 20:12

I was going to ask if you wanted to go bungee jumping with me next week but then Morag in accounts said you had a girlfriend that lives abroad-too bad.....

seventh · 04/04/2018 20:12

This 👍👍 ^^

blueskyinmarch · 04/04/2018 20:20

Or he maybe has an ex girlfriend who lives abroad? How can you shoehorn that question into conversation?

DextroDependant · 04/04/2018 20:52

Ask of he is going away this year and see what he says, if he mentions the country his gf lives then you can ask about her.

Userwho · 04/04/2018 21:10

Info is definitely current, they were talking about it last night apparently.
When he told me he was single his words were "I've got nobody to look after, no wife no kids" in the context of me having kids. He failed to mention the girlfriend abroad Hmm

OP posts:
Mellodrama · 04/04/2018 21:21

Read 'He's Just Not That Into You' by Greg Berehndt - DON'T ask him, if you do, and he was to say yes, you may always be wondering whether he would've asked you eventually or not Hmm

Mellodrama · 04/04/2018 21:23

Oh good Lord, hadn't noticed your last post then Sad Yup, lying twat Angry

halfwitpicker · 04/04/2018 21:25

Hmm, that's not good.

Sounds like he wants his cake

halfwitpicker · 04/04/2018 21:25

God yes obviously don't ask him out

PinkFluffyFairy · 04/04/2018 21:27

I'm so sorry OP. What a bastard.

crimsonlake · 04/04/2018 21:28

If he was that into you he would be asking you out, wait.

Dingdong1975 · 04/04/2018 21:51

I had few ex colleagues who lied to me they were single because they want to eat the cake and have it?

I am sure you can bring up some casual conversation about his girl friend (pretend you thought he has one). If he doesn't have one he will say.

loveyoutothemoon · 04/04/2018 22:01

Or the colleague is jealous?

GammaDelta · 04/04/2018 22:06

Or just go for casual drinks after work woth maybe one or more of your colleagues... he might not really"be with her" anymore... i don't know... feeling bad for you OPWineFlowers

DrMorbius · 04/04/2018 22:27

Remember me? This would have saved you 3 days of turmoil.
Hello I was wondering if you are in a relationship, and if not would you like to go out for a drink sometime?

Gingersmum100 · 04/04/2018 22:29

If you are both working this late, perfectly reasonable to suggest going for bite to eat/drinks straight from work ? Then have a chance to chat :-)

MrsJoshDun · 04/04/2018 22:49

Oh, what a twat. I’:m sorry.

scrabbler3 · 04/04/2018 23:40

I think he'll make a move, he is interested. At this point you'll need to clarify his relationship status, explaining that someone mentioned a woman abroad.

When I separated from my ex husband I didn't tell colleagues straight away. There were a few to whom I was close as well! They'd say something like, "is [ex] going to the rugby on Saturday?" and I'd answer honestly -"probably" or "no" or whatever. I didn't want to get into discussion re the separation so I just failed to mention it.

Tread carefully though OP.

Userwho · 05/04/2018 07:36

I've slept on it and realised that I am way too invested in this man I don't know from Adam. He's one of those people that make you feel like you've known him forever and I was swept up by his charm and dashing good looks! Time to move on methinks Wink

OP posts:
MrsTylerJoseph · 05/04/2018 07:47

Sounds a good idea. Sorry it didn’t work out.

ThisIsTheFirstStep · 05/04/2018 08:26

OP I think it’s a good idea. If you build him up, he can only let you down and people who charm everyone are usually wrong uns.

RavenLG · 05/04/2018 08:43

DrMorbius agree with everything.
Screw the game playing, the “guys don’t like women who are too keen” bullshit, the possibly incorrect/deliberately false info from someone. Ask him outright, get an answer and move on from there.

HipsterAssassin · 05/04/2018 10:17

He sounds like a classic charmer to me. I bet if OP stops flirting he will ramp up the charm.......

sadie9 · 05/04/2018 10:37

You are right to take a few steps back, or even run a mile, OP. You were over invested before you even met him. You created the 'ideal' partner out of this chap before you even met him, and could not see a bad side to him.
He has a girlfriend, but conveniently doesn't mention her when he is flirting about the workplace.
Is it not a bit unprofessional to be commenting on people's profile pictures in the first place? If he is commenting on your profile pic, and texting you at 10pm at night, how many other women are on his list?
Don't ask him out. Just spend some time trying to see him in a realistic way without the bright dazzling halo over his head and the angels singing when you look in his direction.
It's disappointing, but in reality your life is no worse than before you met him.

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