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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Totally infatuated with man I occasionally work with

211 replies

Userwho · 31/03/2018 21:40

I've recently met a man through work. I'd seen pics before we met and colleagues had talked very positively about him and I'd had a feeling he would be my kind of guy. The minute I met him I was completely blown away. He is the kind of man I have fantasised about meeting since I was about 16!
Anyway we swapped numbers for work purposes and exchanged a couple of work related texts. He then text me at 10pm one night complimenting my profile pic and again the next night with quite a flirty but brief message. I replied in a jokey way but had nothing back except a laughing emoji Hmm
I literally cannot get him out of my head. I really want to ask him out but I have no real idea that he'd say yes and I have to work with him quite a bit this month. I'd also be absolutely terrified of actually going out with him if he did say yes. He just seems so far out my league, without meaning to put myself down!
Any ideas on what to do or not to do, or how to get him out my head?!

OP posts:
Original poster
Userwho · 02/04/2018 10:40

Go on then drmorbius give me your best advice Wink

OP posts:
Original poster
Userwho · 02/04/2018 10:42

Glad it worked out for you insomeotheruniverse how did you first ask him out and how long had you been getting to know him beforehand?

OP posts:
DrMorbius · 02/04/2018 11:08

Hello I was wondering if you are in a relationship, and if not would you like to go out for a drink sometime?

MN-borg-mentality quote of the day Men can be a bit basic Biscuit

Original poster
Userwho · 02/04/2018 11:20

Men can be a bit basic
I've had men say this very thing to me.

OP posts:
MinaPaws · 02/04/2018 11:20

But they can Morbius (and I did say it was a generalisation.) You do see loads of threads on here where a woman is attracted to a man at work, moves quickly, has a shag and then is bewildered when nothing more comes of it. That's imho because the man has taken the wrong message. Caveat, DH is Aspergic so takes everything at face value and needs all nuances very clearly presented to him. Maybe I'm assuming other men are more like him than they are. Your suggested message is very direct and unambiguous, which is what I was suggesting.

MinaPaws · 02/04/2018 11:21

@Userwho Yes, me too. They like things to be clear.

Original poster
Userwho · 02/04/2018 11:23

Drmorbius's message (in my eyes) doesn't make the distinction between I'd like a quick shag and I'd like to get to know you better.

OP posts:
ThisIsTheFirstStep · 02/04/2018 11:23

mina don’t most people like things to be clear? I don’t think that is generally restricted to men. Look at how many posts there are on here of women who are bewildered by men’s actions - I’d say most of those women are lookig for clairity too.

MinaPaws · 02/04/2018 11:33

Thisis I suppose I mean that women may indicate or hint at things rather than demand them directly. And may assume that men will understand the hint or indication, which ime they often don't. But as I say DH is Aspergic as are DSs and my father so I may have a very skewed vision of how much more directly men need things to be said than is usual.

DrMorbius · 02/04/2018 11:46

Wow Userwho it doesn't have to be a dissertation outlining your life goals, aspirations and plans. It's an introduction, so that you can meet in a relaxed non work environment and discover where you both are at.

Original poster
Userwho · 02/04/2018 12:00

Wow Userwho it doesn't have to be a dissertation outlining your life goals, aspirations and plans
Good thing you told me that now before I got to 2000 words.

OP posts:
ChanandlerBongsNeighbour · 02/04/2018 12:01
Grin
Original poster
Userwho · 02/04/2018 12:13

On a lighter note...I get to see him tomorrow! Off to buy flattering jeans to show my nice new arse off.

OP posts:
DrMorbius · 02/04/2018 12:14
Smile
DextroDependant · 02/04/2018 12:22

I would only ask him out of you are certain you can handle rejection without it affecting your work relationship at the end of the month.

The way he is coming across to me is as q player who is 100% confident and likes the thrill of a little flirt. He's not shy so if he wanted to ask you out he would. The is q guy like this who comes into our work, good looking, full of charm, a smile that makes people week at The knees. He flirts and makes every woman feel like a queen but he has a girlfriend at home and to him it's just a way to pass the time.

Insomeotheruniverse · 02/04/2018 14:36

how did you first ask him out and how long had you been getting to know him beforehand?

I’d been getting to know him for a few months through a friend. I found out he was single and figured I’d only have to deal with a bruised ego if he said no. My friend offered to find out if he was interested in having a drink with me and I agreed. I met up with him later and we arranged a date. I was shaking but it was so worth it.

Original poster
Userwho · 02/04/2018 17:49

Good for you insomeotheruniverse Smile
I have new and very flattering jeans for tomorrow. Ready to get my f-ing swag on as the first pp said Grin

OP posts:
halfwitpicker · 02/04/2018 17:55

Work those jeans baby.

He'll be howling at the door, you'll see.

Original poster
Userwho · 02/04/2018 19:09

Hope so halfwitpicker Blush Grin

OP posts:
Bloodyuselessatthinkingofaname · 02/04/2018 19:24

userwho " I've presumed he is because of the flirty text "

I certainly wouldn't presume that - haven't you read any other threads on here ? Hmm

I know from first hand experience that this means bugger all.

Original poster
Userwho · 02/04/2018 19:39

Ok ok, I'll find out tomorrow!!

OP posts:
Original poster
Userwho · 03/04/2018 18:15

HE IS SINGLE
And we've been flirting all day
What do I do next?!

OP posts:
Oddcat · 03/04/2018 18:43

Ask him out !!!!

Original poster
Userwho · 03/04/2018 18:48

I'm too scared!

OP posts:
UninspiringUserName · 03/04/2018 18:49

What's the difference between banter and flirting? Are there long, lingering gazes? Any hair swishing or giggling? This is sounding promising OP...