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Original poster

Totally infatuated with man I occasionally work with

211 replies

Userwho · 31/03/2018 21:40

I've recently met a man through work. I'd seen pics before we met and colleagues had talked very positively about him and I'd had a feeling he would be my kind of guy. The minute I met him I was completely blown away. He is the kind of man I have fantasised about meeting since I was about 16!
Anyway we swapped numbers for work purposes and exchanged a couple of work related texts. He then text me at 10pm one night complimenting my profile pic and again the next night with quite a flirty but brief message. I replied in a jokey way but had nothing back except a laughing emoji Hmm
I literally cannot get him out of my head. I really want to ask him out but I have no real idea that he'd say yes and I have to work with him quite a bit this month. I'd also be absolutely terrified of actually going out with him if he did say yes. He just seems so far out my league, without meaning to put myself down!
Any ideas on what to do or not to do, or how to get him out my head?!

OP posts:
RawhideRingpiece · 01/04/2018 21:29

Don’t do it.

Original poster
Userwho · 01/04/2018 21:30

Do you mean from work? If I asked him to go for lunch from work I don't think he'd see that as a date. I feel like I'd need to be a little bolder and more upfront than that!

OP posts:
user1487175389 · 01/04/2018 21:34

Ask him out. No point wasting time and headspace on some one who may be attached or just not into you. Better to bite the bullet. A 'no' will make it much easier to move on and find someone who is interested.

From experience, the ambiguity of not knowing soon becomes tiresome and time consuming, when you should be getting on with the rest of your life (as he will no doubt be doing) and any man with two brain cells to rub together will soon figure out if you're just pretending to be 'hard to get'. And the unpleasant ones will play you right back.

Mountainsoutofmolehills · 01/04/2018 21:34

find out his marital status. go for coffee. don't have alcohol. don't shag him. Repeat do not shag him for at least 4 dates. let time go by....

Oddcat · 01/04/2018 21:37

Yes ask him to go for lunch at work , it's more casual and will mean you'll get to spend time together . It doesn't matter if he doesn't see it as a date , but it could lead to a conversation about maybe going to dinner or the cinema another time.

Original poster
Userwho · 01/04/2018 21:38

Oh he is definitely not married and lives with a relative who he cares for, I know that much. Obviously there could still be a girlfriend. At the moment I have zero intention of asking him out or somehow pretending to be hard to get! If he asked me out I'd bite his hand off.

OP posts:
Original poster
Userwho · 01/04/2018 21:41

Bit difficult as we are out in the sticks so can't just nip out somewhere! Also he only comes in 2-3 days at a time for project work. And he's so popular with all our other colleagues that everyone wants to eat lunch with him!

OP posts:
eddielizzard · 01/04/2018 21:48

wait until after you've done this work you need to do together. just get to know him better.

Original poster
Userwho · 01/04/2018 21:51

Agreed, eddie! I'm going to make the most of the 3 days that I'll get to -slobber over- see him this week though, I'll also get to see him in action which should tell me a bit more about what he's actually like.

OP posts:
Original poster
Userwho · 01/04/2018 21:52

Why didn't that work? oh it's two lines

OP posts:
bluebell34567 · 01/04/2018 22:22

I wouldn't ask him out.
you will be working together and if he rejects you it will be uncomfortable for you at work environment.

Original poster
Userwho · 01/04/2018 23:27

I will not ask him out before the working together. I will probably not ask him out after either! I will however make damn sure I look my best and act my wittiest and most radiant self Wink

OP posts:
halfwitpicker · 01/04/2018 23:48

What are you going to wear?

Original poster
Userwho · 02/04/2018 00:16

Well it's an outdoor project so most likely wellies and a rain jacket! I am planning on getting some new jeans tomorrow to make my arse look amazing, I've lost some weight lately so may as well show it off!

OP posts:
LoveforPGTipsMonkey · 02/04/2018 01:22

I think many posters are missing the fact that he already initiated flirty texting with OP in the evenings, twice!
how can anyone think he's not interested or has a GF - he's being quite blatant (incl kissing on the cheek at work) he's just building up the whole thing gradually, so let him!

ThisIsTheFirstStep · 02/04/2018 01:29

mrsjosh if he’s the kind of guy who doesn’t like women asking him out, he’s probably not the right guy for the OP.

I knew my husband was right for me because there was no game playing and no desire to play games. We were both direct and upfront about everything. He loves that I was honest with him that I liked him and it meant that our relationship started on an equal footing and continues to be equal. I never have to worry about what he’s thinking.

Just ask him OP. What will you lose? Nothing.

Graduate223 · 02/04/2018 02:20

Don’t ask him out. Unfortunately most men don’t like it, they think you are desperate. Hold back and wait it out.

ThisIsTheFirstStep · 02/04/2018 02:45

graduate is that the kind of man you’d genuinely want to be with?

No wonder there’s so many shit relationships on this forum if this is the kind of guy you’re pandering to.

Date guys who are not scared of women.

Original poster
Userwho · 02/04/2018 08:42

Totally agree with pps saying if he's turned off by a woman asking him out then he's not worth my time! I'm biding my time because of the working together and also because I am a little scared of doing the asking - like I said I've never been on this side before!

OP posts:
bluebell34567 · 02/04/2018 08:44

are you sure he doesn't have a gf?

Babyplaymat · 02/04/2018 08:48

I would give it more time. You barely know him or anything about him, and have to work with him. That's not game playing or whatever, just common sense IMO.

SisterMoonshine · 02/04/2018 09:07

I think being witty and radiant while you're working together over the next few days is the right way to go.
Enjoy it.

DrMorbius · 02/04/2018 09:58

I think if your "sisters" from the Feminism Board saw some of the posts on here they would be HmmHmmBlush

So much for equality Smile

Insomeotheruniverse · 02/04/2018 10:12

Oh stuff all the game playing and playing hard to get, what a waste of time. If you like him op then ask him out, simple.

If a guy doesn’t like a woman asking him out then I would say he’s stuck in the dark ages and not worth your time and effort anyway.

I was in this situation a few months ago. Really liked someone I was just getting to know and decided to bite the bullet and ask him out. It worked for me and now we’re dating and it’s amazing 😄 I didn’t want to wait around and see if he’d ask me out in case someone else came along and grabbed his attention. Then I would have been kicking myself for not doing something about it and asking when I’d had the chance.

MinaPaws · 02/04/2018 10:22

Ask him out if you like, but if you're doing the running, also be the one who sets the ground rules. Make sure he gets that you're asking him out on a date, not just giving him the chance for a quick one night stand with a woman who is up for it. Men can be a bit basic (generalisation, I know) in their interpretations of stuff like this, and if you're hoping to start a relationship not just a quick fling, make it clear.

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