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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Totally infatuated with man I occasionally work with

211 replies

Userwho · 31/03/2018 21:40

I've recently met a man through work. I'd seen pics before we met and colleagues had talked very positively about him and I'd had a feeling he would be my kind of guy. The minute I met him I was completely blown away. He is the kind of man I have fantasised about meeting since I was about 16!
Anyway we swapped numbers for work purposes and exchanged a couple of work related texts. He then text me at 10pm one night complimenting my profile pic and again the next night with quite a flirty but brief message. I replied in a jokey way but had nothing back except a laughing emoji Hmm
I literally cannot get him out of my head. I really want to ask him out but I have no real idea that he'd say yes and I have to work with him quite a bit this month. I'd also be absolutely terrified of actually going out with him if he did say yes. He just seems so far out my league, without meaning to put myself down!
Any ideas on what to do or not to do, or how to get him out my head?!

OP posts:
LoveforPGTipsMonkey · 01/04/2018 00:02

no OP, don't ask him out yet as you have a perfect situation where you'll work with him this coming week - I'm pretty sure he's working up to asking you out.
You say he's not chasin - but he initiated TWO late might texts with compliments/flirting. He was testing the water and you replied positively hence the smiling emoticon - he's happy and planning his next move. Enjoy it!
I'd be AMAZED if he doesn't make more moves next week.

LoveforPGTipsMonkey · 01/04/2018 00:04

and especially taking into account that you've just met through work, two persona texts is something! plus kissing you on the cheek when it's not the norm with others.

LoveforPGTipsMonkey · 01/04/2018 00:05

The only thing I'd caution you about is, he sounds like a confident guy who knows exactly what he's doing and pretty sure can see that you like him a lot, so don't jump in emotionally before getting to know him a bit.

Original poster
Userwho · 01/04/2018 08:48

I should definitely find out if he's single. And I agree PGTipsmonkey, I think he knows exactly what he's doing! I'll keep you updated as to whether he turns out to be a player or a married sleaze, or hopefully a really nice guy who asks me out!

OP posts:
SadieHH · 01/04/2018 08:54

Dear God, ask him out. Why on earth do people always suggest playing games like teenagers. Presumably you’re not one so if you like him ask him out. Just bear in mind that you’ve got a working relationship to think of (I met dh at work so been there done that)

SandyY2K · 01/04/2018 09:15

I would definetly make sure he's single first. You can ask questions like "Any plans for the weekend?" "Do you live on your own?" ... or cut to the chase with "Are you in a relationship?"

Original poster
Userwho · 01/04/2018 09:26

I know the answers to those first 2 questions Sandy! Didn't get me closer to finding out if he's single. I think I need to stop overthinking it and wait to see him in the week!

OP posts:
Original poster
Userwho · 01/04/2018 10:20

Argh just realised all shops will be closed for Easter Sunday which scuppers my plans for spending my childfree time shopping for a confidence boosting outfit for Tuesday!

OP posts:
Babymamamama · 01/04/2018 10:27

Don't ask him out. Get a copy of The Rules and follow that. He will ask you out in his good time. Meantime enjoy the flirting and build up. What's the rush?

Original poster
Userwho · 01/04/2018 10:34

My general thinking is that if I need to follow something like "The Rules" (which I can only imagine are a load of misogynistic crap which will irritate me Grin) then it can't be meant to be.
I do however need to slow down. I've already planned our wedding in my head!!!

OP posts:
Addictedtohavingbabies · 01/04/2018 11:06

The thing is though, some men like the woman to make the first move, confidence is attractive and so on. But some will say it's needy or full on and won't like it and you won't know which it is. So I think give it time and give him the chance to make the first move.

AnchorDownDeepBreath · 01/04/2018 11:32

God I hate all this "the rules", "let the man chase you" bollocks. And I'm only 27.

Decent men don't do it. They don't care if you make the first move or if they do; they don't care if you text first.

I remain convinced that you increase your chances of ending up with a knob if you play these games. Maybe that's somewhat better for some people then being single but god, I hope not for the majority.

Wordsmith · 01/04/2018 11:42

Ask him out. I don't know what 'The Rules' are either but they sound like something from Pride & Prejudice. It's 2018 FGS. Make it light-hearted so if he turns you down it won't seem such a big thing. If you're working together could you perhaps suggest lunch or a quick drink after work? Make it sound like something normal work colleagues would do?

Wordsmith · 01/04/2018 11:44

Anchor I'm twice your age but agree 100%

Granville72 · 01/04/2018 11:45

Do you have the type of job that would / could allow you to 'discuss work' over a coffee Wink

Original poster
Userwho · 01/04/2018 12:03

We already 'discussed work' over coffee and it felt nothing like a date although about 90% of the conversation was very far away from work! If I'm going to ask him out I need to be upfront I think. Because of the field of work we're in, things are quite casual and loose anyway, meetings are often held outdoors for example. He's also very unconventional - a drink after work would probably send him to sleep...

OP posts:
daisychain01 · 01/04/2018 12:39

I agree, don't bother waiting around wondering if he'll ask you out.

He isn't an alien from another planet he's just some bloke like all the millions of others. Sorry to bring it down to it being that mundane, but that could help stop the big build up in your head OP.

He will only become special when you both connect and want to spend time together, until then he's just the person from your work.

Keep it light and casual, just ask him if he's free one evening for a drink. That way, you've covered the Relationship bit as well - if he's already attached, ie not free, it gives him the chance to say thanks but no thanks, if he's any sort of decent bloke that is.

daisychain01 · 01/04/2018 12:42

He's also very unconventional - a drink after work would probably send him to sleep...

Not sure what this means exactly, but asking him out for a drink is just the opening gambit, it doesn't matter if it's a drink or bit to eat, it's a starting point to 'check out the lay of the land' right?

Original poster
Userwho · 01/04/2018 12:54

Very true daisychain. He is not a rare exotic species, even though he may look like one Grin
I guess I meant that he is much more likely to respond positively to an unusual offer involving our mutual interests than a drink after work. I think the same could be said for me.

OP posts:
Original poster
Userwho · 01/04/2018 21:18

Bumping to stop myself texting him!

OP posts:
MrsJoshDun · 01/04/2018 21:20

Lol.

Honestly I don’t see it as playing games but ime guys don’t seem to like it if they’re asked out. I could be totally wrong but in my mind they don’t like women who appear too keen. I know that sounds sexist and it shouldn’t be the case.

MrsJoshDun · 01/04/2018 21:21

So that would be my fear, that if you asked him out he would see it as a negative. On the other hand he may be flattered and see it as a positive.

Original poster
Userwho · 01/04/2018 21:23

I don't think I've ever actually asked a guy out. I had a disastrous marriage of several years and prior to that I seemed to get asked out all the bloody time. So I am new to this and don't know what to do with myself!

OP posts:
Oddcat · 01/04/2018 21:26

Please don't follow the Rules or play hard to get ! Just be yourself , enjoy the flirting and let things take their natural course. If he seems keen ask him out !

Oddcat · 01/04/2018 21:28

Just ask him if he fancies going for lunch , it doesn't have to be formal.

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