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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Witnessed child abuse tonight

159 replies

Crediton · 30/03/2018 08:14

Saw my cousin's husband abuse their 7 year old tonight. Tried to intervene twice, dp tried too, but escalated to him throwing 7 year old against a wall. Happened a ways off from the main group of the family party were at, dp and I only ones who saw directly what happened. I got my cousin but she became v upset and defensive with me. Told aunt who was upset at first but is now minimising. Dp and I are being told we got it wrong, wasnt what it looked like, we're being alarmist etc.
Not the first time I have seen him be rough and I have raised it with my cousin before, but this is worse. My poor nephew. He is ok tonight, cousin's husband went straight into repentant guilt mode, but there will be a next time. How do I help my nephew and my cousin without joining in the family whitewash? Dp and I both hate conflict but we can't pretend tonight didn't happen. Should I report? It will end our relationship as they will know it was me, will cousin and nephew get the best help that way, or should do and I try to help them first?

OP posts:
Original poster
Crediton · 30/03/2018 08:15

*should dp and I

OP posts:
frasier · 30/03/2018 08:17

Of course report. As soon as possible.

NameChanger22 · 30/03/2018 08:17

I think you must report it. Sorry.

Sycamoretrees · 30/03/2018 08:18

Yes! Of course you need to report it. It's not going to be easy, but do you really want to be the person who turned a blind eye?

frasier · 30/03/2018 08:18

Posted too soon. I was a battered child. The family turned a blind eye. My nose was broken and they still did nothing.

Report and write it how you did your op, telling them about the minimising.

ETgo · 30/03/2018 08:19

Yep definitely report, protecting the child is much more important than trying to retain any sort of relationship with your cousin and husband.

OurMiracle1106 · 30/03/2018 08:19

Call police. He assaulted a child and if your cousin Won’t step in to protect her child then social services need to. Although tbh it sounds as if she’s also scared of him.

confusednorthner · 30/03/2018 08:19

I can understand how torn you feel but please make a phone call. If that's what you seen who knows what else happens away from anyone else. School may already have suspicions and you reporting it may put the pieces together.

Littlechocola · 30/03/2018 08:21

Report ASAP. Fuck the rest of them, the child is more important .

wowbutter · 30/03/2018 08:22

You can call the nspcc anonymously. But you have to tell someone, imagine if it happened again and your nephew died.

QuiteLikely5 · 30/03/2018 08:22

It’s the police who you should call.

MrsEricBana · 30/03/2018 08:22

Yes that poor child. You do need to report it for his sake regardless of what the rest of the family will say to you.

flumpybear · 30/03/2018 08:23

Think of the child - report him! Of course he's sorry, he always will be til somebody stops him because he can't stop himself

Makingworkwork · 30/03/2018 08:24

If course you should report it! Contact the police today as the child is in immediate danger and only the police can ask immediately in child protection issues.

Original poster
Crediton · 30/03/2018 08:25

Thanks for replying so fast all. Am happy to report if that is best way to help nephew. But we will be out of his life from that moment on and it worries me not having eyes and ears on that situation. God the minimising. I know they are thinking what a nice middle class family they are so it can't be as bad as all that. I feel sick, imagine what my nephew is feeling. My DC saw it and were very worried. They asked and asked what had happened and all the aunties were saying 'nothing'. I said loud and clear to them 'uncle X hurt x and it was wrong.' My kids know what they see, no sense lying to them.

OP posts:
user1483387154 · 30/03/2018 08:25

WTF! call the police

HarryLovesDraco · 30/03/2018 08:26

Phone the police! Now! Bloody hell.

Oddcat · 30/03/2018 08:29

I would report but before you do have you thought how the child will be protected in the future? If it's a your word against theirs situation, especially as everyone else is minimising, I'd be worried that nothing will be done and he will take it out on the child. Poor kid.

mehfruittea · 30/03/2018 08:30

My nephew was placed on at risk register from birth. Over the years of intermittent contact (on DB's request) I felt secure that at least they had social service involvement. I didn't need to be the one to keep watch.

A visit 3 years ago changed that. DB said SS we're scaling back and had signed him off. During that visit I became acutely aware DB was in withdrawal, having come to visit with his drug off choice. Of course, if he'd brought drugs with him I would have never spoken to him for the rest of my life, so from his perspective, he couldn't win. I was alarmed at some of his behaviours and the impact on DN. I didn't need to think for very long, I phoned their social worker. That was 3 years ago and there has been no contact from him since.

Be prepared for this to cause a massive rift, and for SS to not necessarily do anything. A one off incident would probably result in a conversation, but unless school also supported a view that there was a risk to DN, it's likely to not result in any intervention.

This is just based on my experience, no knowledge of how it is 'supposed to work'.

teaiseverything · 30/03/2018 08:30

You have to phone the police. If that's what he does in public, that child will end up dead.

Oddcat · 30/03/2018 08:30

I'm not saying this is a reason not to report though.

supersop60 · 30/03/2018 08:33

Report report report.
NOW. No more MN.

RubberJohnny · 30/03/2018 08:34

Well even being with them your dh couldn't stop him. What the fuck happens in private? You are no help to this little boy if you don't report...you can't really keep an eye on things can you, unless you move in with them.
I'd report this. Emphasising how bad it was past events etc. And I'd keep in touch with the authorities and make sure they don't get fobbed off.

Lozxx · 30/03/2018 08:34

You have to report this! I wouldn't even second guess it. I work with troubled kids who have been in these same situations, if only they had people who had intervened. Come on you must watch the news and see how many kids die from this kind of abuse. I just hope you can live without yourself if something worse happens to him.

Angelf1sh · 30/03/2018 08:34

You have to report it. Do it anonymously if you’re worried