How many people are having affairs?

[wondering79]

Not looking for praise or vilification and I know what I'm doing is wrong. Speaking to a friend last night (who knows nothing of my situation, haven't told anyone) she told me a mutual friend of ours has been having an affair for 3 months. I asked a few questions and changed the subject, didn't want to mention mine obviously.

But it got me wondering how many other people are having an affair and for how long? Everyones situation is different and not here to judge or be judged, just interested in how common this is?

Mine's been going on for a year.

Yetmorecrap I agree- in my experience (others of course may see it differently), it's harder for older DC when parents split than when they are younger.

Dadaist - is an affair absolutely wrong when it enables a victim of long term abuse and violence to leave ? Maybe before a fatal attack?

In almost all parts of our lives these days, there is very little that is black and white. So I don't know why people think that cheating could be.

My ex of 14 years cheated on me with my best friend. This man who was always so disgusted when he heard of infidelity with any of our friends or acquaintances. The most vocal anti-cheater in the world. And of course I was upset when I found out; I was devastated. But I am also quite open-minded and the series of events at that time really was a perfect storm to "allow" such a thing to happen.

We split up but not because of me. He said he couldn't get over his guilt, etc. I eventually left because I can handle a mistake, but I can't handle the wallowing.

I never cheated on anyone but I have come close. Even after the pain I went through with my ex, situations arise that you thought you would never find yourself in.

I can't live in a bubble. I would love to think my current partner would never cheat on me. He was cheated on multiple times before so knows the pain. But no one knows anything for sure. Ever.

I think society is moving further and further away from traditional marriages and relationships. Divorce rates are high. People are getting married later in age than in the past. Sadly, I think those who are clinging to the idea of the marital unit being the central piece in their world and putting all their self-worth into that unit are going to get hurt ultimately... but I honestly hope I am wrong about that. I truly hope that all those who say it will never happen to them are actually right.

I have many friends, male and female, and through the years I have learned that approx 90% of them have had cheating as a part of their relationship at some point. And those are just the ones admitting it!

I think lots of people cheat.
Out of a small group of 6 myself and 3 others have been cheated on.
That leaves 2 friends one of those had an affair with a married man. The other is still married. As far as I know neither she or her husband has cheated but for all I know they might have done.

NoOneElseToBlame, sadly I think you are probably right that society is moving away from traditional marriage although all my 6 nieces and nephews (aged between 22 and 34) are either married or engaged as are just about all their friends. The ones that want children are adamant they are not having them until they are married.

I think though that my family seem to be unusual and maybe old fashioned. My parents have been happily married for over 60 years. I have been happily married for almost 40 years. Both my siblings have been happily married for over 30 years. I have 7 cousins and only 2 are divorced, the other 5 all having been married for at least 25 years.

The 2 cousins are the only member of my family who are divorced.

People often seem amazed when my mum tells them all 3 of her children have been married for over 30 years and all first marriages. Sad really that people think that is unusual

It's only a good thing if those marriages are fulfilling, respectful and good.

Many people live in marriages of tolerance at best, misery at worst.

i think its lovely to be able to have a long marriage but when i see some couples (esp my parents) i see it as more of an endurance test. Their communication towards eachother and the atmosphere certainly fucked up my sense of boundaries, what constitutes respectful and reasonable behaviour and an unhealthy aversion to conflict.

Im the first of 25 grandkids to get a divorce. the utter shame. mind you two aunts are now following suit.

Lovelydearie
‘is an affair absolutely wrong when it enables a victim of long term abuse and violence to leave ? Maybe before a fatal attack?’
Well, the example you choose is pretty rare and extreme and most affairs are far more turgid. But, like homicide if it’s self defence and reasonable force - it becomes an exception - though still a regrettable outcome. But it’s a very rare case that doesn’t make the other 90% of homicides ok - far from it.
Similarly, ‘abuse’ is always wrong - but can also be a grey area.

So I’d be wary of the narrative of a knight to the rescue of a damsel in distress when reflecting on cheating (even though that may be the preferred interpretation for the cheaters) and it’s probably not the best way to escape an abusive marriage - (however viewed) but that’s not to say I cant imagine it.

Me no way proud of myself but abusive controlling husband i feel he has pushed me to it ....

I've known dozens of women over the past thirty years who had affairs and most never got caught or left their husbands. It was lust and boredom as much for them as for men, heady excitement for a while.
Currently know two women friends in their fifties having affairs after leaving their husbands , but then going back to them for financial reasons while still seeing other man ...similar to another thread about having relationships for financial security .

Well if you look at the sex industry sleeping around is rife.
The punters aren't all single.
My dp told me recently that a man he was working alongside whilst away came into work knackered.
He said he'd been up most of the night after being with a prostitute and spending £300. He is married and has no intention of leaving his wife, just wanted the extra sex.