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Original poster

How many people are having affairs?

312 replies

wondering79 · 27/03/2018 20:43

Not looking for praise or vilification and I know what I'm doing is wrong. Speaking to a friend last night (who knows nothing of my situation, haven't told anyone) she told me a mutual friend of ours has been having an affair for 3 months. I asked a few questions and changed the subject, didn't want to mention mine obviously.

But it got me wondering how many other people are having an affair and for how long? Everyones situation is different and not here to judge or be judged, just interested in how common this is?

Mine's been going on for a year.

OP posts:
GertieMotherwell · 30/03/2018 21:23

EmmaGrundyForPM
But I am sure my dh isn't or hasn't been unfaithful. If I turn out to be wrong then I would be as shocked as if the earth turned out to be flat not round, or Donald Trump was proved to be a genius

Yep - that was me. Zombie Apocolypse would have been more likely.

Guess what?

Thatsquiteenough · 30/03/2018 21:40

That's the thing Emma, NO ONE believes their partner will ever cheat!!! We ALL swear blind we never would but bloody thousands are !!!

I adore my DP but I have far too much self respect to be complacent.

justanotheruser18 · 30/03/2018 21:42

Never.Ever.

ghostmouse · 30/03/2018 22:11

I didn't believe my ex would ever cheat either, in fact I swore blind to everyone that he never ever would. It wasn't until he left me out of the blue I realised he had had other women. He slept with my best mate as well and I never knew

10pmixupandafreddo · 30/03/2018 22:13

You make me sick ! Fuck off with your affair bollocks !

Thatsquiteenough · 30/03/2018 22:15

You don't have to have one freddo dear...calm down.

10pmixupandafreddo · 30/03/2018 22:18

When you have been the victim of an affair then maybe you would understand my rage . It hurts like hell being cheated on

Thatsquiteenough · 30/03/2018 22:43

You have no idea if I or anyone else, has or hasn't.

It's best to save your ire for the person who betrayed YOU , not some random on tinternet.

polkadotpixie · 30/03/2018 23:12

I was cheated on by my first real boyfriend and it broke my heart. It took me probably 10 years to really be over it and be able to trust someone again

My second boyfriend (at uni) also cheated on me but I wasn't emotionally invested in him, he was a coke addict and he wouldn't let me leave him (threatened to kill him self repeatedly). Eventually I cheated on him, just to get rid of him. I'm not proud

My current husband I can safely say I would NEVER cheat on him & I would be devastated if he cheated on me

Irishtwinmumma · 30/03/2018 23:21

I think there’s more people that don’t have affairs than people that do. I think it’s a lot to do with insecurities of the cheater. Either way... karma will catch up with everyone that cheats. I personally couldn’t live in a lie. Nothing beats respectful and strong relationship.

CalibriCalibri · 30/03/2018 23:28

Either way... karma will catch up with everyone that cheats. Hmm

Utter tosh

CalibriCalibri · 30/03/2018 23:30

Nothing beats (a) respectful and strong relationship.

Absolutely true but by definition anyone who cheats doesn't have this.

annandale · 30/03/2018 23:30

I was completely faithful to dh and in fact to xh, though during both marriages I had little workplace crushes during bad patches that barely went beyond passing in the corridor - everyone has those, right? (Right?) I would bet a lot of money on both men being completely faithful to me, but then xh and I were together five years in total, and 15 years with dh during most of which he was pretty ill.

I'm with MeganChips in some ways, I don't think things are that black and white - there are affairs that are totally explicable and that in some ways work. I know that quite a few people I know have had affairs, one family member has been the OW for 24 years Shock I think though that it's much more common for them just to be a combination of selfishness and opportunity. I'm terrified of stumbling into becoming the OW now I'm single and allergic to the idea of living with someone again. At my age it would be incredibly lucky to fancy someone who is not with someone else, who would also fancy me. I hope I can stay clear because about the last thing I need is being an affair partner.

Thatsquiteenough · 30/03/2018 23:31

Or anyone who is cheated ON, calibri. Whether they are aware of the cheating or not.

CalibriCalibri · 30/03/2018 23:35

Yes, also very true Thatsquite

Samsbakery · 31/03/2018 11:03

I’ve just started a affair, I feel sick even writing that down.
I’ve been married for 18 years, together for 23, we’ve not had sex for over 5 years, my fault though, just no sexual attraction anymore, he’s an amazing dad and partner but we are more like siblings than lovers.
I broached the subject of separating just over a year ago and it made him suicidal, he lost so much weight, couldn’t sleep etc, said he couldn’t cope without me.
So this is where i am, feeling incredibly selfish but in a stupid way hoping this affair will make me feel more settled at home and less miserable, have to be honest, it is helping.
No, things are always black and white.

DrMorbius · 31/03/2018 11:10

Samsbakery my mate has had someone on the side for 18 years, it helps him stay married.

TheLastNigel · 31/03/2018 11:13

Loads unfortunately

Samsbakery · 31/03/2018 11:13

DrMorbius, really? It’s so sad but I just can’t see any other way.
I feel guilty of course but not enough to stop. I never thought it would come to this.

theredjellybean · 31/03/2018 14:18

Samsbakery ..you could be me
many yrs ago i started an affair 'for fun , for sex' my marriage had been sexless for 5 yrs and pretty poor sex life before that ( turned out he was gay)
however husband was great friend, great dad etc and i thought a bit of harmless fun sex on side would settle me.

IT DID NOT....

it led to the most awful time i have ever experienced.
ok the first period was like a honeymoon..amazing experiences, wonderful hotels , dinners out etc, felt i was a million dollars..but of course then home seemed rather dull and shabby in comparison and the jealousy of his family and other life was awful

and then we fell in love..proper , real in love..and then his wife found out...omg...i can honestly say it was awful beyond anythign i have ever felt before. We agreed to stop affair despite admitting we wanted to be together but big mortgages, young kids, scared of what people would think etc etc....

a few yrs passed and i was effing bloody miserable every day, never got over him .
My dexh came out and met a man and we agreed very amicably to separate.
Ex AP got in contact out of the blue..he had never got over me and he left his wife ( kids all now young adults, older teens) and we got back in touch and anyway fast forward 5 years and we are so happy together and he really is the right man for me.

so even with my 'happy ending' i will say DO NOT HAVE AN AFFAIR...it will destroy your peace of mind, your self esteem and your everyday happiness

Samsbakery · 31/03/2018 15:56

Thanks for sharing your story theredjellybean, I’m so glad it all worked out for you both in the end but it does sound incredibly stressful and devastating for all parties.
AP isn’t married or in a relationship and doesn’t have children which I must admit makes him more suitable for me as I’d feel more guilt for his partner if he did.
We haven’t gone beyond kissing yet, I’m just trying to get my head round it all.

Certcert · 31/03/2018 18:09

When I lived at my old address, around 20 years ago, my next door neighbour was having an affair with her best 'friend's' partner. She confided in me that two of the children she had, were his. Hmm

I didn't really take it seriously until I met him for the first time; the children looked EXACTLY like him Shock

I wondered how the best friend didn't notice it, but I guess, if you're not looking for it..

mzcracker · 01/04/2018 10:43

What a bizarre thread ..someone asking for details of people's affairs while giving no information.
Is it just me who finds it weird?

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 01/04/2018 10:51

The info is in the OP. She's having an affair. What more did you want to know? It's up to posters what they share or don't. I think it's weirder to post as you've done, mzcracker.

mzcracker · 01/04/2018 11:03

Really? I think someone posting very few details while others come on posting with quite a lot detail about their own private lives..it's odd in my opinion.

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