GLAM & FAB TOUR - MEMBERS MEETING POINT!!!

[Ifonlyhewould]

Hi Ladies

Hope you don't mind, ive started this thread to save hijacking the thread of others.

I thought we could use it to attract attention of the other members if needed or whatever

and at what he is putting you through. You may have to seek legal advice r/e him seeing ds as i know for sure if she has a violent temperament i wouldn't want her anywhere near him. And you can't trust him to be honest about whther she is around or not. Sadly this is going to turn into a battle but ds must come first and he should have thought of that before inviting a nutter like her around ds. Am so sorry for you and hope that in time you will learn to love him less and find the right man who will treat you ds as no1 and not second best, you both deserve much more than him, you really do, stay strong.

Have emailed you - i know you can get through this - all of you that having to go through this shit at the moment.

baffy- just caught up im and seriously for you. Im gobsmacked i really am. And swearing on your precious ds life? What the fcuk? Im sorry i know you love him but you cant get much lower than to use your own child to cover up a lie like that.

I know you love him and i even understand why. But his not the man he was, his not the man you fell in love with and married. My stomach is turning over for you.

You know if there is anything i can do i will just say.

xx

Thanks everyone

I really appreciate your support, honestly it means the world to me.

I know he has put me through so much, for months now, and to stoop as low as swearing on the baby's life has really sealed it for me.

I have calmed down a lot now and am going to try to co-operate with his access to ds. I want ds to be close to his dad, and his dad's family, and it's my responsibility as his mum to make sure that happens. (H cannot think about anyone but himself can he!) I lay awake thinking about it last night and made myself realise that my concern is her, not H. So whether it be through supervised access, or access at H's parents house, (so they can all be with him but I know he will be safe if she turns up), is probably the answer. I will find a solution.

It will take a long time for him to rebuild any sort of trust and until then I just can't let him take ds for days on end knowing full well she may be there. What happens next time she gets drunk and he does something to upset her? I can't risk one of those outbursts in front of my baby.

But I've avoided letting this get nasty for the last 9 months. And I'm not about to let her outburst break me!

Strangely enough she actually sent me a text message yesterday afternoon apologising
Saying she had no right to turn up and throw herself around and she said 'I'm in the wrong. I know I am. I shouldn't have turned up acting like I have every right to fuck your husband. I don't...' and that she never meant to hurt me??
I have no idea if it was genuine. I think she believes that because she loves him it's ok! But my guess is she did it in some way to 'prove' to H that she is not a bad person... And she may not be a bad person somewhere deep down. But turning up having a go at me, and then turning up drunk and kicking his windscreen in... they are not the actions of a mature stable person are they.
No idea what to think to be honest. But not letting it bother me either way! Perhaps they deserve each other

Lily I really am going to try to learn to love him less and less each day. Me and ds deserve so much more I know. I have such a strange mixture of love for the man I married, hate for what he has done, and jealousy at him and her together. It's such a mess

Sugar I will reply to your message now. And hurtwife I will check my e-mail too. Thank you.

I'm still in work full time. Just about managing to get up and get through the day. Just so lucky my mum and sister are such stars with helping with ds. I'm very lucky in that respect.

A new day - i know i keep saying this but i really feel i need a new name now but somehow want to keep the HW so any ideas very much welcome

The sun is shinning here so i am looking forward to a lovely day with the children (lets see how long that lasts then!!)

Keep strong everyone - the more i find out about human nature the more determined i am to stick to my morals and even preach them to others - what is wrong with people we should 'interfere' if we know something is wrong. sorry rant over

You are amazing and dignified and so selfless your inspiring!

Im not sure there is a man out there who could ever be worthy of you! You deserve the absolute best there is.

Your ds is going to grow up so proud that your his mum. He is going to have such great morals. A whole new breed of man

I honestly dont know how you do it we all know how i handle my situation when i met "it" in oxford. Another thread for that is due soon major goings on there!

I hope each day each day gets better and easier for you. xx

Thank you

I'm determined my ds will grow up to be a man that any woman would be proud to be with!

Let us know what's happening with you, I hope things are ok?

Thank you for everything xx

hi all

baffy, what can i say? so sorry to hear about this latest episode. you shouldn't have to deal with this crap.

can only echo what's been said, you are incredibly strong and you're sticking to your own true self and that compassion and ability to try to see the best in everyone (even under extreme circumstances!) is what will help you find and trust a man who will appreciate you and cherish you the way you deserve and feel lucky for the opportunity.

sugar, text/call if you need anything. even just an ear. talking of which, how's ds going and when's he being "switched on"? can't be too long now.

things here aren't great. had a long heart to heart with MIL on saturday. she's devestated not to have seen dd for so long. seems dhh is barely at her place, stays in b&b near office apparently. so he says! he tells her we're in contact when wer're not etc. so now she has yet more evidence of his lying.

had several texts over the weekend where i ended up telling him to just stop feeling sorry for himself and be a father to dd.

had another couple of texts last night apologising and wishing he were a better father/husband etc.

i guess i am back to just letting that rumble on tbh. can't afford a solicitor so can't progress anything like divorce etc. for now. still not sure of my own mind either tbh......

the mortgage situation has been touch and go but looks like i've found a deal now. it's outrageously ott on arrangement fees, redemption fees and after the fixed rate expires it's extortionate! but, for what i want to borrow i have no choice. i can't rent for less than the mortgage payments would be and hopefully in 2yrs i'll be in a better position to re-mortgage to a better deal.

so, that's my little summary of recent days!

ps: regards a group on facebook. happy to set one up but it's not possible to make them private or invisible to anyone else so prob not worth it.

big hugs to all.

hi pc

Thanks for your kind words
I do hope I find that person one day!

I can't believe he is still behaving the same way. You are an absolute saint to still be putting up with this. I can totally relate to the in-laws being upset at not realising just how badly their own son is behaving. And totally relate to letting things rumble on because you don't know yet in your own mind what you want. Despite everything, you have so much love and understanding and you are still able to see the good in him, and how good things could be if he can get his act together and be the husband and father you and dd deserve

I suppose you have to do what you have been doing, follow your heart, and wait for the time to come when you are clear about what you want to do. Only when you are 100% sure, is it worth taking steps to change things. That's when you will have the strength to go through with it.

Until that day just stay strong like you have been. Keep focusing on you and dd. And focus on the positives. Great that you have found a mortgage deal, and it's just one step in the right direction. Like me, one step at a time!

Take care xx

PC my dp a mortgage advisor he may be able to get you a better deal firstforfinance.net/
Although not sure of your whole circumstances but i'm sure he would help you if he can.
Baffy i couldn't imagine your ds being anything else as his dad is showing him how not to do it!
That sounds like a great idea btw with the inlaws as you know he will be fine there.

thanks baffy, appreciate the support. i just wish i could get him to see that it's not all about money.......

lily, thanks for the link. the situation is difficult as i'm asking for about 30k more than any high st lender will give me PLUS i've been refused one mortgage due to a single late payment earlier this year.

this was due to dhh's money not going in on time and i paid it manually within days. my mortgage company promised it would not go on file but clearly it has.

am absolutely as i've never missed a payment in nearly 5 years FFS.

anyways, the offer i've got is do-able and in 2yrs i can switch. dd will be in school and hopefully i'll have got a new/better job with more money and will be able to switch back into the high street.

bloody men, they get off virtually scot free and leave us to clear up the mess!

ok pc up to you but if you want to email the figures to me i will run it by him and see if theres anything he can do any better for you, up to you my email [email protected] if you want him to look over it if not that fine at least you managed to get sorted.
At least you now know your going to be able to get straight doing ut yourself, hope your ok does iohw or cnc still pop by now ? Has our msn link gone now?

emailed you lily, thanks again

ok pc will get him to look and let you know when he gets home

LILY LILY LILY LILY!

YOU UTTER UTTER UTTER STAR!

Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!

Jeeezuz! The power of MumsNet is amazing.

But as I said to your dp, making this connection for me and broadening my options by offering to put me in touch with your dp is totally huge but the emotional and moral support you've (all) shown me is just as huge and important.

I am having a celebratory glass of wine.

I've come over quite emotional now!

No worries pc he can be useful for somethings
Wish i could join you with the glass of wine but am on the non alcoholic variety and it's not quite the same

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PC so happy we can finally put a couple of faces on here!!

Lily - cnc and iohw do pop in now and again to see how we're all doing. They're both fine. They've both been great to me with lots of advice and moral support via e-mail. I know that cnc doesn't have access to the computer during the day at the moment so she doesn't get chance to come on as much.

baffy- how are you doing?

pc- great news on the mortgage the power of mn! Switch on is the 15th and 16 august. we are very excited.

Major changes here.

H is back. The girl i saw him in the pub with being sat on his knee, turned out to be a complete raving nutcase! Nothing happened between them. Although she tried convincing me it did even down to the im pregnant text!

any way while h was with me i got him to phone her and put it on loud speaker. And he asked her " why have you told my wife your pregant by me when i hadnt touched you ?" Her reply " i never said that to your wife she is a liar, we never had sex so how could i be pregant by you? "

Also when ds was in hospital she has told him he want welcome and that i would have had him kicked out if he turned up there. As his scum family never passed on th emessages that he was actually more than welcome there he didnt know different. He did call the hospital a number of times. Had this confirmed by ds techer at st thomas's.

What really got me tho was she told h that ds operation had gone seriously wrong. And yes when h found she was lying he threathened her. That was also something he asked her on phone why did she lie about ds her reply " i just felt like being spiteful!"

and all the time i was in contact with her believing her lies and actually comforting her because he'd "hurt" her so much.

If i ever see the little madam again it wont be pleasant. Trying to destroy my marriage is one thing but to lie about my ds is another.

Dont get me wrong h has been a complete * but he never cheated and that means so much to me. We ahave been spending time together and with kids and his the h i fell in love with and married. We have a long way to go to get our marriage completely back on track but its a start. And im hoping its a long journey that will be together.Time will tell.

sugar I really hope this can be a new start for you. I can't believe that woman! But I'm glad you got to the bottom of it all and so happy to hear you sounding much more positive. I truly hope you, dh and the children can have a lovely future together. And I'm sure you can. Sometimes you do have to hit rock bottom before things can start looking up again. So now is the start of your good luck phase.

I'm in a bad way. Not coping at all well on the inside. Outside I'm staying strong and coping. Still at work. But inside I am literally falling apart. I have stopped the contact with H and only communicate when it's about ds. He has nobody except his parents. And I'm pretty sure that he will go to her for comfort.
Everyone around me says I should let go. He really isn't worth it after what he's done. And I will do. But it is killing me.

xx

Baffy, I'm so sorry, only just been on here first time this week. Will mail you, hope you're ok. (OSJ btw)

Thank you

Forgive me guys if I'm slow at replying on the e-mail. Struggling at the mo. But I promise I will get back to you.

You're all fantastic xx

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Oh Baffy it is the right thing to do but it's definately not going to be easy. You have never stopped loving him so you are having to switch off your feelings which won't be easy, it's the start of a long path but you will get there make sure you keep telling your mum how you are feeling though as you can't get through this on your own you need lot's of support to do it. Can't you take some time off or would you rather be at work keeping your mind busy ?
Sugar fab news am glad things look like they are working out.
Like the new name OSJ.
Hows things going for you Dior ? Saw your comment on another thread about relate.
Hi Pc hope things ok, it's weird thinking how i came to be on this thread and now my dp is actually speaking to you in rl, weird.

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