GLAM & FAB TOUR - MEMBERS MEETING POINT!!!

[Ifonlyhewould]

Hi Ladies

Hope you don't mind, ive started this thread to save hijacking the thread of others.

I thought we could use it to attract attention of the other members if needed or whatever

Thats hard, MacD.

Oh well he spent the night here last night as I went out and he was babysitting and was supposed to come with me for scan this morning...
She rang at 4am to tell him that her waters broke and then phoned hourly he tossed and turned (as did I) and has just got up and showered and said he might as well go and get it over with ...asked him what he was going to do if it wasn't born yet - hold her hand ....also told him not entirely comfortable if he goes to her now for her birth as I will be having my baby in same unit in 5 months (have worked in NHS and midwives have long memories) don't want to be the source of yet more gossip and public humiliation while having my baby - so looks like will have to ask my sister to be birth partner....
Oh well just proves to me am making right decision in making a proper split now

Poor you. You knew this moment was coming but it must be really hard now it is finally here. Remember we are here for you. x

Oh mcd I feel so sorry for you - are you hoping she goes through hell? Is this her first?

I am feeling a bit low today as BIL coming to stay for a few days - i think he thinks i am a complete fool to put up with h and his antics.

I too feel i just want it all to end but does it ever - i am looking for the absolute end to it and dont know what it is. I feel i am pushing him away again - as he has to prove to me how much he wants all this.

My life is great i have a fantastic family - we get to most of the things we want. I am now woriking in a job i love and can really do what i want - and yet i sometimes still think - what if there is more out there?

Oh well better get the place looking spic and span and go and get some food in for them all.

Am trying not to think of her at all have spent so much of the last year letting her dominate my life and hating her I am worn out - the thought of him holding her hand and watching her baby being born (and he has made the choice now not to be there at my baby's birth I just cannot be that much of a mug anymore)is making me feel ill...just trying to think of myself my wonderful DD and my new baby and a better happier life - it is just that he will always be in my life as the father of my DC
Had enough I feel like it now has to end and I think a divorce is the only way to make him see that it is over between us
Bad bad day today scan this morning and can't even feel excited all too much no more tears have shed a sea and more this last year

Is that what he wants too? To not be there for you and your baby.

You are punishing yourself over something you have no control. Is a divorce really whant you want or is it a way to 'hurt' him as much as you can. I am not saying you are not right - god you should not have to put up with all this. But is that what you want or just the only way out of this pain?

I dont know your whole story - sorry there are so many to keep up with.

I hope your scan goes well today - bringing new life into the world is a wonderful thing and the most important reason for being here.

Of course you will always be linked to him - but try not to make that so negative (so much easier said than done).

I still wonder whether i have done the right thing and sometimes feel weak and pathetic and that maybe i should have been strong and just called it a day and got on with a new life. Which is what i have done to a certain extent - getting on with my life because whatever that evil woman has done i cannot change it and i am dammed if she is going to ruin it anymore for me or my wonderful children. He is still with me, still brings in the money (well most of it!!), still takes us on fantastic holidays ect. She wanted that for herself now she wont ever have it - and i can have it for as long as i want.

It is good to have the choice and maybe you are right to call it a day - get strengh from that though and dont be too hasty - hope you dont think i am preaching as i am thinking about you today. Be strong.

macdoodle I'm so sorry I can see how much you're hurting and I wish I had the words to help. Just try to focus on today and on the scan and look at that wonderful new life inside you as the start of your fantastic future.

Is H able to go with you to the scan or is he at the hospital with her now?

Try not to make too many decisions about the birth now and the divorce. You have so much to deal with just take one day at a time. You don't know how you'll feel in 5 months time or what the situation might be.

You're doing amazingly well. I would not be anywhere near as calm and collected as you are right now. We're here whenever you need us xx

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Dior - just in answer to your questions before...

Even from that one small session I could see when we summarised the situation that we took each other for granted, we focused on ds instead of each other and we lost sight of being a couple. (All probably perfectly normal with a first baby and me working full time a long way from home.)

But basically he didn't have the balls to speak up and say how much it was affecting him, I was happily plodding along looking to the future, just enjoying our weekends and the times we had together as a family and a couple (and we did have a great social life even with ds).

But at the same time, in his head, he convinced himself that his life was that bad he no longer wanted to be a husband and father as it was too much responsibility, so he wanted to go out there and have some excitement instead. At all costs. With literally no thought to the effects on anyone but himself

After 14 years, and being together since age 16, he decided to ruin it all because he couldn't speak up and give us chance to address things.

I don't think H does believe it's over no. I think because I have let him come back so many times, he thinks deep down that when he is ready to come back I will have him. And god knows I want him so much. My heart is breaking every second because I miss him, our old life, our house he made us sell, everything... it feels like physical pain. I look at families all out together with their children and I feel physically sick trying to understand what went so wrong that I lost everything I'd ever wanted when all I did was work hard to provide for us and be the best mum and wife I could.

But I can't have him back. I can't risk him doing this to me again so I have to find a way to let go. Whatever it takes I have to find a way.

MLS - you are so strong and it is amazing to 'watch' you getting stronger . I'm sorry he let you down so much. Is he still with the other woman?

No it looks like she's completely off the scene now.

She was just a kid, 19 and very immature with it. He never wanted her I don't think. He just wanted the ego boost she provided. The minute she wanted more he ran a mile.

He's lost the best thing that ever happened to him and everything he could have ever dreamed of. He needs a full brain transplant I think!

MLS I so get how you feel - I want my old life back too the one I thought I had the future we planned and worked for together - but I think I know in my heart I would never trust him and I also suspect that once he has done it and "got away with it" (so to speak) what would happen the next time he felt unloved and some bimbo came onto him he has proved he is not strong enough to say no...sorry hurtwife no implication for your DH just how I feel about mine And of course the obsessed lunatic OW who is now linked to him and my DC for ever
I think it is so hard when you love them and like you MLS I think (D)H doesn't really believe me when I say it is over - I am desperate to keep things amicable (I came from a very bitter divorced family my parents don't talk even now 20+ years later) I so don't want that for my DC I want them to be able to have us together at school, shows, graduation, weddings all the things I couldn't have

Well she had to have crash section in end (can't help feeling little pleased that it didn't go smoothly for her) - both are OK - (D)H wasn't in theatre so didn't see birth or cut cord (which was a very emotional link for us with DD and was so dreading him having that with another woman and child) - he has seen baby though didn't really talk about it - though he must have bust a gut to get to me at ANC in a different hospital as it was he missed scan but came rushing in - just can't see this forthe rest of my life him rushing to her when she shouts then back to me What a fucking mess - DD came to scan and kept saying where had dad gone as he had told her we would all go together
Hurtwife not rushing into anything this has been going on more than a year now (affair since about last March, threw him out when I found out last June and him back and forward till he told me she was pregnant in Dec and made him move out for good) - I truly don't believe we can be married anymore and it has been a long hard road to that decision I have tried so hard to take him back but he hs just not tried hard enough....he won't face it though (am not even convinved he wants me he just doesn't want me to find someone else he is VERY jealous and territorial)
Bugger and fuck feel completely shellshocked ...out with best friend tonight free tickets to Hairspray premiere so will be nice break - his MIL babysitting so told him to tell her as I am not going to but also can't lie to her we get on very well but it is her grand child too

MLS and Mcdoddle - you are both so strong, and doing so well.

I completly understand about the life you though you would have - i think that is what hurts the most. We all work hard and then it can be destroyed by the weakness of a quick ego trip.

McD i am not sure i can trust him again either - but he is doing everything to assure me and has said he will continue to prove himself to me. But i am under no false illusion and will not put my head in the sand. The way i see it is - this is my life now and while it is good i am going to enjoy it - not worry too much about the future (already spending saving ect on going out together more and holidays ect!!). I will never cheat on him though and if there are problems again i will be true to myself and still do the talking it through. i guess only time will tell. I am not happy not planning my life too far in the future but i feel i have little choice. He seems more able to long term plan so i let him do that now.

How did the scan go though? Everything ok?

I think you do seem to have come to your decision. It is a total nightmare isn't it. Complete and utter mess. What an idiot

Glad you're getting out tonight I think it will do you the world of good.

(And totally agree about the territorial thing - my H doesn't want me, he has made that clear by his actions, but I'm certain he will go off his head if and when another bloke does show an interest... In fact I can't wait for that day if I'm honest! Plenty of people I could go out with or have one night stands with but that would not be me and would not make me happy right now. But I can't wait for the day when I find someone who I actually want to be with... It's gotta happen eventually I'm sure! )

Scan was fine healthy active 17 weeker - took DD and she was beside herself her smile was something to see - baby kept waving and she was shouting "hello I'm your big sister" if nothing else am so pleased this has happened for her Not sure about sex but likely girl me and my girls
(D)H runing off to see her has kinda firmed my resolve - best friend been over and as she pointed out he didn't have to be there for the baby today the only reason for going was for her and I agree he could have seen baby later when they were hom but why does his actions surprise me - not going to spend my life waiting for her to shout so he can go running - going to make a life for me and my girls and when/if someone better comes along he will just have to lump it and serve him bloody right!! (and I have had offers too this time gonna be someone with a better job than me who earns more money not doing supporting the struggling H thing again!)

Good for you. You sound much more positive

I am a wreck as chat on phone with H about picking ds up tonight, has just turned into hour long discussion and him saying he thinks divorce is the only option. After 14 years in a relationship he wants to be single and that's the end of it. I've spent half my life with this man and he's walking away like he hasn't got a care in the world.

I'm a wreck. I know it's for the best. I hate him so much now. But I love him and I wanted us to work through this. We built this family. And he has decided it's over. He'll regret it I know he will. But it is too late now.

All I can say is that I must have been the worst wife in the world.

I've lost everything.

Catch up with you all soon

MLS firm voice - you WERE not the worst wife - he was the WORST H and you know it - trust me I know how very hard this is - so repeat after me -" we are better without them"

I know

xx

MLS - you know that none of this is YOU. He has let you down. YOU decided that splitting up was the only option, not him.

Please keep strong. You are doing so well.

MLS you have not lost everything - maybe the future is not so clear as it was but hey what a future you have now and its all for you to make it what you want it to be.

Hope you have a good weekend everyone i am off to entertain the family now which will be exhausting as BIL is so intense (great fun but very full on) But thats for another thread.

excellent web-site this, so glad i was pointed in this direction

You are not welcome on this thread go away

??

that's not who i think it is is it?

coincidence no?? cheek yes!!!