Daughter's boyfriend is going to propose this weekend he has asked me to keep secret she has always asked me to 'warn' her. What do I do

[user1471521184]

So, my daughter's long term, amazing boyfriend has just rung me to ask 'permission' to marry my daughter, I could not be happier.
The issue is he has asked me to keep this a secret, a surprise, she has always asked me to 'warn' her if he intends to propose as she hates surprises and is not fussed one way or another about marriage as they will be together for life anyway. What do I do for the best for everyone?

Warn her. She specifically asked you to. Your loyalty should be towards her.

What do people mean by not liking surprises
Probably that they don't like surprises? You expect to get presents at Christmas, and receiving some flowers is a nice thing but doesn't require a particular set of behaviour on your part.
Somebody 'proposing' (and let's face it, it's not really 'proposing' as in 'making a suggestion' is it, nobody does it expecting the answer will be 'no') does require you to respond in a particular way, according to script. I think proposals generally risk being quite manipulative.

In case he changes his mind:
call 1: 'hi dd's boyfriend, are you still planning to propose at the weekend? because it's only fair to tell you that dd and I have a long-standing agreement that I will forewarn her in this situation, because she may not have mentioned it but she does not like surprises and isn't keen on the idea of a proposal generally.
call 2: as per our long-standing agreement, your boyfriend has let me know he's planning to ask you to marry him this weekend .... not at all, sweetie, a promise is a promise after all!

I agree this thread is really unsettling.

I had no idea there were people who got their nails done in anticipation of a magic surprise proposal then get someone to take photos of their hands with a ring on them. Or that there are people who consult their partner’s parents rather than their partner themselves about relationship decisions.

OP tell your daughter directly and give her to chance to talk to her partner about it - it really doesn’t involve you (although I’m glad you are happy about it).

What’s the deal with the manicure obsession on this thread? Since when does a manicure link to being proposed to.

Just say to her: I’m pretty sure X is going to propose. I don’t have any details but you said you’d want me to tell me if I knew and he’s said as much to me this week.

Job done. It’s doesn’t ruin the moment and dd gets her wishes respected.

“What’s the deal with the manicure obsession on this thread? Since when does a manicure link to being proposed to.”

The photos, of course! Within seconds of the proposal, the moment in which two people make a lifelong commitment to each other, in peak intimacy and personal joy, they must Share To Facebook! Share to Twitter! Share to Instagram! Share to WhatsApp group of friends, and OF COURSE her hand must be beautifully manicured to show off the ring. The moment means NOTHING if you have bits of pastry under your nails or punky nail varnish

Oh yes. You must immediately hashtag with as many versions of the below as you can think of. #isaidyes #heputaringonit #engaged #omg #totalsurprise

#f’sake #fuckromancejustgetthephotoright

A woman should always ensure she is instagram-photo ready at all times - right down to the manicure. Even during the night - because her 'bae' might photograph her asleep.

(Joking)

So what did you do @Terftastic?

Hmm, tricky one.
So if DDs DP had not asked OP for blessing, there would be nothing to tell, (or if OP keeps quiet) it would be a surprise to DD from her DP.
If OP does tell DD the proposal is coming, it will still be a surprise to DD, just from her Mum not her DP. So a surprise either way!
DD wants to be with him whatever.
I think Dobby had it right, up above.

Surely any proposal is a surprise? Unless they say they want to discuss marriage next Thursday st 4pm? But even that would be a surprise?
I was asked one Sunday afternoon when on the sofa discussing upcoming birthday gifts. So that was a surprise but not s big ott public proposal which I assume is what the person doesn't want. Else she would have made it very clear to never ask as she does not want to get married.