Support and Wisdom at the Crown Cafe (NC Part 10)

[Basseting]

welcome to all going / maintaining No Contact
for whatever reason. Support, advice, wisdom and fun available here.
(and virtual coffee and cake too).

[Basseting]

i guess i am 'rounding up' and there was a biggish gap but yes, Long...

I struggle with the notion of adoration but I certainly deserve Respect, Transparency, Consistency, Decency, Kindness (sex would be a bonus).

We all do. But for the moment I am having to be self sufficient.
Buffs up Crown. Adjusts. Gives big smile to fellow Cafe customers.

[Rhubarbginn]

You’re sounding determined nk. What’s triggered it with nc?
I find chatting is fine, but then it gets to a point where I think..god this is sad, there has to be something else or what’s the point

[NK1cf53daaX127805d4fd5]

I don't know what triggered it Rhubarb. Just the notion that my life is really hard at the moment and I don't need any distractions making it any harder. I have a tough road ahead of me and need to make a lot of changes. I don't need someone bringing me down and making feel like I have to jostle them along to say nice things about me. I need to learn my own self worth and not engage in any thing draining.

[Rhubarbginn]

I know what you mean. It’s a double edged sword. The distraction can be good, but with that becomes reliance on it. Seeking value if they message etc and hoping that say something nice. Completely opening ourselves up to being vulnerable with the wrong person.

[NK1cf53daaX127805d4fd5]

Yep I'm done with scrambling around for vague statements. I'm worth clarity and honesty

[anxiousnow]

NK glad Basseting has shared her fierce with you tonight. Cafe special. Oldbrook glad you are feeling better too. Yes it us way to soon for him to realise yet. But he will.
My lookalike wasn't ignoring me, he was asleep just further highlights how anything can rip me from calm and bouncy to slightly batshit and anxious. We all know the key to this is getting ourselves strong enough so that any man is an added bonus but that we are complete with and in ourselves. So how do you make that cake? Just when you think you are getting there, you realise it may in fact be another crutch holding you up (in my case lookalike) and so the strength isn't real. My little girl is already more advanced than me as tells me "Mummy I won't need a man"

[anxiousnow]

oldbrook that is a lovely idea. I have never been to any spa type places or any beautifying etc type places. Hairdressers is as adventurous as I get so am thinking of saving for me and my Mumma to go to spa type place. She isn't very well so would do both of us good.

[anxiousnow]

Oldbrook any ideas on location?

[Basseting]

That's exH texted. I nagged him over the weekend about bringing his GP appointment forward as he was off work with chest pains (again. GP is useless). He grumped but did it. Straight after the school fiasco y'day (after he'd shouted and thrown stuff at me) he went to the GP. They took a ECG. Then called him back today to say he'd need into hosp 'in next two weeks'. They just called him back and he is going in now. I hope he is okay. He can be a real prat but i dont wish him ill. He is the kids father and there would be a whole lot of stuff to sort if he were suddenly not around. Good thing I didnt go in for my Op 4 days ago or i'd still be in. Oooof.

yes a spa thing sounds good (lovely platonic touch and nurturing)

[anxiousnow]

Basseting. We sound vety similar with our H situation. Ending up helping them/pushing them into right course of action but then sometimes get hostility as a reward and then something comes up to stop you yelling at tjem to grow up, get sorted, have the kids etc. It isn't ok that he threw things at you however unwell/depressed he is. It isn't acceptable to feel unsafe in your own home. Hope he gets on ok at hospital though obviously.

Maybe we could do our own virtual spa in cafe. I have some very cheap eBay korean footsoak and face mask things. With some cocktails?

[gingergenius]

Hello!!!!

[NK1cf53daaX127805d4fd5]

I am booked to go on a girlie weekend next month. Can't come quick enough!

I think I'm right too Oldbrook. I need to get off that merry go round of vagueness.

Is it awful that I was daydreaming about the kisser today.

[NK1cf53daaX127805d4fd5]

Hi Ginger

[Basseting]

anxious Thank you! sorry your exH issues similar.

Yes, it is hard if they are unwell but then it doesnt excuse behaviour that frankly you get even when they are well. He went in with severe chest pains 18m ago (and got sent home in a taxi!) and I was not convinced it had been investigated properly then so I am not surprised. But worried. Yet he doesnt help/contribute anyway so more worried for kids though of course i wish him well. Another head mash!

Yes, a footsoak/facemask thingy sounds good pls. Better have a mocktail tonight tho.

((())) and Free Crown Polish today (whist your feet get pampered).

[Belonger]

Hi everyone, just a flying visit - of course my impulsivity got the better of me and I texted...has been some banter through the day...dignity mostly still intact for once and feel on an even keel. Sorry for not checking in earlier and for not heeding your wise advice. He will no doubt vanish now but am not going to feel hard to love , I refuse.

[NK1cf53daaX127805d4fd5]

Ah Belonger enjoy the banter. You know what you're at and you'll know when to pull away as well.

[anxiousnow]

Sorry Basseting was just trying to sympathise at having to mother them. Not jumping on your story with H and asd child. Mine is a much lesser extent. My son thankfully goes to school ok. I have concerns about my younger one too but again, although he struggles he does go to school. It is only if anything is different, like a trip or dress up day etc that he gets anxious. Has MF stayed quiet lately?

[Bloodyuselessatthinkingofaname]

Talked too much about NC to a couple of friends today - as a result fell asleep on sofa and woke up thinking we were still "together " , immediately went to his WhatsApp then realised ...How the fuck does that happen at Day 40 or whatever it is ? I guess the answer is in this post - too much talking about him . I know he is a total wankbadger . I need to read my yellow post it to remind myself of what a knob he is.

[Basseting]

anxious wot you sayin sorry about? I was very glad of your post.x
transitions are hard for both ds and dd yes. ds is improving a bit (nearly 14 now and at tiny school but he changes next year to huge school and am worried. just as he is improving a bit dd is hitting puberty and it is pretty tricky. she has to change too so its going to be a bumpy ride).

Just had call from exH. all tests clear so far. Yes heard from MF quite a bit but will post tomorrow as pooped now and off to bed.

Bloody I HATE it when dreams throw me like that.
Wankbadgers all, that's what they are! (need a badge with a badger doing rudies on it and a line through it :)
Good night all.x

[anxiousnow]

Night Basseting x

Bloody - that must have been the ultimate sinking feeling. Could you take a pic of your post-it and make it his contact pic so you see it everytime you go to check on him?

[Ravenscloak]

Night everyone.
So distracting myself on POF. Think I’ve even got one date set up! Has helped take my mind off NC, there are other men out there, and frankly, OLD is so tedious with the messaging and small-talk I just think he’s an idiot to so easily give up on what was a great and quite lucky match. Not that he’s dating right now I don’t think.