Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Support and Wisdom at the Crown Cafe (NC Part 10)

993 replies

Basseting · 19/03/2018 21:06

welcome to all going / maintaining No Contact
for whatever reason. Support, advice, wisdom and fun available here.
(and virtual coffee and cake too).

OP posts:
Thread gallery
12
user1493423934 · 20/03/2018 01:26

Oldbrook Unless it is absolutely necessary for your job, I think you really shouldn't go to the work thing sorry! how are you?
I hate having to talk to him and I kinda have to obviously . . . it sucks. Have to go and find DS shoes etc . . . i just want a clean break and not have to see him.
Sorry you're feeling so bad NK
If anyone wants to PM me for support feel free!

Ravenscloak · 20/03/2018 06:38

Morning all
Day 26 NC for me. I’m really struggling. I just miss him so much. I will keep going though - every day at a time.

Belonger · 20/03/2018 07:09

Morning all. ravens I admire your strength so much, you are brilliant at staying NC despite really missing your bloke. Keep going!

basseting hope you have a much better day today

nk sorry you're feeling confused by your lad. I'd be so tempted to tell him about the separation but my logical self knows that's a bad idea! You have so much else on your plate, it makes sense to wait until you feel fully free to see if you want to try something with him. I think he totally sounds up for it, but I guess he won't make a declaration if he thinks you're still committed to your husband. The ball is in your court! I'm feeling a bit impulsive today, don't listen to me!

Belonger · 20/03/2018 07:12

seshi lol re reposting the thread! I'm so glad you had lots of support from your friends, good luck with whatever happens this week.

Teensandfuture · 20/03/2018 07:52

Good morning lovelies.
I switched off last night, only found new thread now..
Life's ok, busy which is good thing: less time to think of NC..

Oldbook don't think you should go , you just recently started to feel better, you are still vulnerable.

NK yep your NC doesn't know you're separating so maybe just maybe trying to protect himself by distancing. I would be honest and say I'm in the middle of separation and need time to deal with this. Let's catch up in 3(or how many) months and reassess situation..that would be fair to all hopefully.

Raven you are nowhere near ready for casual contact, 30 days is not enough .Maybe aim for 60 days? Remember you have to be in best form emotionally when you reconnect otherwise more chances then not the attempt will not go as you wish.He needs to see a better happier version of you, and believe me he will feel if the change is fake or genuine.

Oldbrook · 20/03/2018 07:52

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Bloodyuselessatthinkingofaname · 20/03/2018 08:00

Day 40 for me ( OK I said I wasn't counting ) but after brief possible sighting yesterday was in a tizz.

ravens although I am thinking about him less and have accepted that it is over I am not 100% sure that I would resist him in real life. Obviously I have a different objective here which is get over and not go back when he is still in the same situation.

Oldbrook · 20/03/2018 08:00

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Bloodyuselessatthinkingofaname · 20/03/2018 08:01

Yes congrats ravens on reaching Day 26 - you must feel some sense of pride ? I remember getting a bit panicky getting towards Day 30 - you are realising that it is crunch time . x

user1493423934 · 20/03/2018 08:35

bloody and Ravens Well done on your NC's!
oldbrook Strut into the sunset wearing your highest heels! (Thats what I pictured)
Ugh I have to see ex tmrw and next week (school related DC stuff). I hate it so much ! It sounds so pathetic but whenever I see him I keep wondering if theres a chance . . . he'll relaised what a huge mistake he made and want me back. i know thats not healthy so thats why I do NC . . . but I can't properly . . . it sucks.

Belonger · 20/03/2018 08:51

Help- I'm feeling a bit lonely and impulsive today, am at risk of trying to get some attention from my NC. Stop me someone!

NK1cf53daaX127805d4fd5 · 20/03/2018 08:53

You are amazing Oldbrook Star I know it's hard not to go to all these things but it is to protect your lovely heart.

Well done on Day 26 Ravens and Day 40 Bloody. It's so tough some days isn't it. I feel like I'm wading through treacle today
At some point I'm going to have to pull myself together

ThePartingLass · 20/03/2018 09:04

Love the quote NK

Stay strong Belonger and hold that crown tight, you can do it!

user1493423934 · 20/03/2018 09:12

Hold your crown tight Belanger ! PM me if you want to talk/vent!

Belonger · 20/03/2018 09:12

Thanks parting, will try!

NK1cf53daaX127805d4fd5 · 20/03/2018 09:12

Come on here instead Belonger and tell us all the reasons you shouldn't contact him.

In answer to your and Anxious question. No I haven't told him about the separation.

Belonger · 20/03/2018 09:13

Thanks user!

This is such a lovely group, I actually feel a bit tearful, I think I'm generally so rubbish at asking for help, it takes a lot. Your encouragement means so much

Oldbrook · 20/03/2018 09:18

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
Basseting · 20/03/2018 09:20

Waves feebly. Can someone else fire up the grill pls? I have coffee...

OP posts:
Oldbrook · 20/03/2018 09:22

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

NK1cf53daaX127805d4fd5 · 20/03/2018 09:27

I think he does suffer from that Oldbrook as it's him always testing the waters. Then I react and then he pulls back. He has openly said he's hiding or going AWOL but I feel we are stuck in a loop

Original poster
Basseting · 20/03/2018 09:35

I am really jangled from yesterday and think I might be for a while. To try to cheer up I was reading the 'most minor reason you dumped somebody' thread. There are lots of silly ones about wearing the wrong colour socks/liking wrong music (when you were 17), lots about being mean/smelly, but lots and lots about being too keen too. Hmm.

Yy re the 'oversharing' hangover concept.

NK I love the dandelion clock quote.
Old I love your post from 6pm y'day.
Sorry not to do more personals. It is 9am and I'm already crying. Shit.
Not about NC but 'life in general'. I have 2 x kids with dyslexia and some ASD traits but 'not enough' for school to help. I cant afford private input. exH is similar so no help and aggressive /suicidal. I am still linked to him via the children and financially so it is really hard. I can see why NC was such a tempting diversion Sad

OP posts:
NK1cf53daaX127805d4fd5 · 20/03/2018 09:40

Basseting it's really so very hard when your child/children have extra support needs and you feel powerless to help them. I completely get where you are coming from. Do you feel they have Aspergers? Can you contact Contact A Family and get some advice from them re: assessment. Might you be entitled to some financial help if they do have extra needs? I am fighting a long and lonely battle myself with my DD and it is exhausting. It definitely is no wonder we are attaching ourselves to any bit of kindness that comes our way Flowers

NK1cf53daaX127805d4fd5 · 20/03/2018 09:41

Basseting ring them for emotional and financial support and advice

contact.org.uk/about-us/contact-us/

Belonger · 20/03/2018 10:14

oldbrook you're way more tolerant than me. My NC guy used to go quiet for a couple of days after sex, which infuriated me. I called him on it and said I'd set fire to his car if he did it again, JOKING OF COURSE!?!??? . He got the message.