Support and Wisdom at the Crown Cafe (NC Part 10)

[Basseting]

welcome to all going / maintaining No Contact
for whatever reason. Support, advice, wisdom and fun available here.
(and virtual coffee and cake too).

Nk thank you, darling person. x I have pm'd you.x

Yy re 'attaching ourselves to any bit of kindness that comes our way'.

Feel so weak :( BUT, I have not contacted DOM. So that is good! Day 9 since i sent him the HB card and that was only my 4th 'reaching out' contact this year. So i am improving! (searches for mislaid Crown)

Belonger 'set fire to his car'
Sometimes you have to be direct with them.
I remember moaning to a friend about a bed. I had just moved in with my boyfriend and his bed was old and grubby - I hated it. She burst out laughing and said: 'sleep on the sofa for a couple of nights, the tightwad will soon buy a new bed' He did, next day. It is something about valuing your power and focussing others on it that I need to learn, certainly.

Morning all
Ravens sorry you are struggling. You are doing so well not to contact. Could you try thinking less about the 30 day timescale to try and release the pressure of 'Do I Don't I'

Belonger yes post on here. What do you want to say to him

Basseting hope you are having a better day. I have tried to get one of my DS's accessed for aspergers but with no success. Because he is high functioning no-one seems to want to help then make me feel bad as if I want to label him.

Have a good day lovely people. Please can I have a muffin and a latte. Thanks

Am busy with work this morning but will post this afternoon to try and stop myself chasing crumbs. A big pot of tea for me please

anxious Yes that sums it up for me too. Hard when they school refuse and they decide you are the issue when kid is in fact holding it together (just) at school but comes home and falls apart and doesnt want to go back :( Onwards and upwards.

basseting try to think of what you ARE doing ( not the ideal of what we "should" be doing ) - and you said it , you did not contact DOM! Great achievement !!

Also you are getting up every day , getting on with life and looking after your kids to the best of your ability ! Some people would still be in bed ! ( I know mothers who have done this ) So what if you are crying by 9 am ? Definitely better out than held inside! You're still on here and posting - all kudos to you , girl ! x

Ravens sorry you're struggling, and well done on day 26. You're doing so well not giving in.

Bassetting such a frustrating situation, I'm not surprised you're feeling overwhelmed at the moment. Hope you reach a breakthrough soon. Would it be such a bad thing if SS got involved? Maybe they could give you extra support? One of my friends has a DD very like yours (refusing to go to school / anxiety related) and school referred her to SS when she said she was struggling to know what to do. SS got involved, I don't think the situation magically got sorted, but they were supportive rather than critical to be fair.

I've got dental work going on to improve front four teeth ... in the meantime I've got 2 temporary crowns which make me look like Mater but worse! Appointment to get things properly sorted is in mid April.

So that means NC with the whole wide world in the meantime as I look so awful! Apart from family and very close friends. In some ways I feel good about it as it means no dating, no messing with existing irons (farmer / old flame). No pub socialising etc. I'll try to engage in reading and watching box sets to fill time. Then the super slim (I've lost nearly 2 stone since mid-January) and more smiling-confident ME will emerge in April ready to take on the world!

Lass sounds good re your freind. I know that SS around here doesnt have the best rep amongst parents of kids with ASD tho' I think it can be patchy as to provision? But yy to keeping going (keeping them going too). Head was doing a real good cop bad cop thing with me and ExH y'day (perhaps if Dad brought her to school, we feel Mum is a bit anxious - well actually it is Dd anxious about a particular piece of work and being shouted at and Dad is on a truckload of meds and cant get out of bed, but hey ho, Mum usually cops it, it seems)

Hello lovely ladies. Jumping back into the thread with shame. Blew nc. But am back on it. Day 5 today. Have been following you all and newcomers.
Feel rubbish for failing. What am I doing so wrong.

Huge hugs rhubarb, really lovely to see you. I'm having a right old wobble today, we're all just human after all!

So nice to be welcomed back belonger.
It’s a tough ride this nc. But progress of some kind is always being made.
The wobbles always pass. Just ride through them.

Waves to Rhubarb
If you fall off the horse it hurts and you feel sad but you have to just get right back on I think. (with Crown design hard hat, naturally!).x

Ah so nice to see you Rhubarb.

I'm back on the NC wagon as well. No man is worth these feelings of anxiety. If some thing is this tough and draining it's not worth it.

I feel sick and broken.

We’re all having it hard at the moment aren’t we. nk yes none of this should be as difficult as it is. Up and down with the slightest thing throwing us off track.

NK (((()))) you are right, if it leaves you feeling that way it aint worth it.

Fancy Afternoon Tea, or an early cocktail? (Cafe's still open! :)

Sorry so many of you are struggling today. NK is there a funny moon tonight? You are so right, no man is worth the anxiety or head space we give them. So sorry you feel broken. You are dealing with so much and really are inspirational. For me personally the way you are dealing with H. Something I fail at. Bug hugs lovely lady xx

rhubard falling off but straight back on it. One of my fav quotes from Oldbrook about not healing in a straight line.

basseting sorry that you again get blamed. They are not listening to you and just deflecting it all on you. I would be livid them saying you are anxious etc. I agree with bloody, the things you are dealing with are huge. You took your own stitches out. You are fierce.

I too have fallen into the trap. Lookalikes constant initiation of contact. Then I message and bam no reply. I am ok though and slightly smirking at it all.

I think the bad weather really isn't helping any of us in the UK. Hopefully soon things will look brighter but for now the cafe is looking very cosy.

Belonger you rock. Set fire to his car

Thank you everyone for your comments. You are right, I’m getting wobbly as 30 days approaches. I know 30 days means nothing anyway. I will stay NC and come to terms with it being over
NK basseting belonger anxious oldbrook bloody hang on in there. Sorry we’re all struggling

There is a new moon guys and some thing about mercury going into retrograde this week too.

I'd love a cocktail Basseting. Feck the tea today my need is real! Anxious is right. You are fierce!

Thanks Anxious I'm refusing to let him occupy my head any more. H is really wearing me down. He is everywhere. Insisted on getting the same train to work as me today and then spent the train journey messaging me photos of dogs. It's too much.

Rhubarb if you feel you want to message him on Day 30 then you do it

Sorry I meant Ravens not Rhubarb

I just got a text on my spare phone. The only ext message I have sent on that phone was to NC last week. The anticipation of opening it only to find out it was giffgaff. Again I am ok but just highlighted to me how that dread heart sinking feeling can return so quickly. I am honestly thinking should it be more like 30 weeks rather than 30 days.

Omg NK 😐 that must be unbearable. Dog pictures 😩 do you sometimes want to just run? I get that feeling a lot. I really do understand what you mean about him being everywhere. I have no advice sorry just hugs xx

Sorry that the text wasn't what you wanted it to be Anxious. Hopefully one day when the message pings it's from someone we really want it to be from. Yes I do want to run. Very very far away.

Dont mean to be negative but I met DOM in 1991.... 30 YEARS????

(there was a big gap in between! :)

Wow 30yrs ago Basseting that's a long time have shared history.

I'm actually feeling fierce this evening despite having a hard day. Feeling strong now I've decided to sack him and his ego off. I deserve complete and utter adoration. We all do.