Support and Wisdom at the Crown Cafe (NC Part 10)

[Basseting]

welcome to all going / maintaining No Contact
for whatever reason. Support, advice, wisdom and fun available here.
(and virtual coffee and cake too).

[seshi]

@belonger hi are you having a good break? X x

[Belonger]

Yes thanks seshi, back now. Lazy day with a book and chocolate I think. You ready for your hols?

[Olikingcharles]

Ravens i feel exactly the same been in bed all day. Can't motivate myself to do anything. Evening here and i've had a shower opened a bottle of wine which i've drunk the lot of. Loads to do but can't manage it.... Fucktard NC why couldn't he just leave me alone....what was the point of it all....nothing has changed......I was moving on and it's all gone to shit....No joy in anything :(

[Belonger]

Happy Easter @basseting

[Belonger]

I shared this link a while ago but it might still be of interest

glynissherwood.com/relationship-addiction-what-it-is-how-to-get-over-it/

[anonymous2018]

I really don’t think men go through what we do after a break up. Because let’s face it women are less likely to end things with no explanation or by saying I still love you but acting the complete opposite.

We’re all in this together ladies.

Seshi I think the way you are looking at it is helpful and kind of what I’m doing too. Just telling myself that for now it’s definitely over and most likely forever ... so act as if it is ... but what harm does a tiny bit of hope do as long as it’s not consuming you?

I think if anything happens with him and I it’ll be years and years down the line when he’s left his girlfriend in a way that’s completely separate from if he’d left her for me. Which will be healthier anyway.

So sad to hear some of you are really struggling. Just hold onto the fact that it does get better. As hard as it is ... try and sort the house out because you will feel SO MUCH better in a tidy house. I’ve really focusing on the house thi week and it’s boosted my mood hugely to be able to sit down and relax at night with no guilt because there’s something I should have done but didn’t xx

[seshi]

@annonymous I agree about the house... My head maybe a mess but it does some good to get things sorted around you. I have my DS here and have to get ready for the holiday but if not I would probably open a bottle of wine and drink myself into oblivion...

Sending everyone lots of strength to get through the day x

[seshi]

@belonger that's a good article... X

[Olikingcharles]

Seshi tbh i have done just that drunk myself silly. It's not really helped. Feel complete crap....wish i could just sleep that's what the wine was about to try to sleep to forget the pain for a while.
Annonymous wish i did have a messy house to sort as it would be something to focus on but that was cleaned yesterday. Living alone not much mess to sort though.

[seshi]

@oik I have done that more times than I care to admit. I could honestly drink myself into oblivion every day but work children etc won't allow... Please be kind to yourself tho... It's natural and actually part of the process for some of us. Trouble with me is my booze blues the next day are horrible. I do find that exercise really helps although there are some days that I can't face that. You have to hold on to the fact that it will get better one day... Be kind to yourself. Its not about you it's about him. Easier said than done I know. As I said to @ravens before I really really do feel your pain and I am living it.

[Belonger]

Another fab Natalie Lue article, comparing a break up to a bonfire:

'Just as the embers are going out, you panic that the embers are going out and how it means that you’ll need to have a new purpose and focus on you, so you throw some stuff on it like a text, email, drunken phone call or showing up at the bar where they hang, and you feel better temporarily... Eventually you have to realise that if you want it to stop, that you’ve got to stop trying to keep the fire alive, stop trying to change the nature of the fire, and let it burn out so that you can face you, your present and your future.'

www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/let-the-breakup-bonfire-burn-you-can-control-how-much-more-pain-you-experience-post-breakup/

[LiteraryDevil]

Sorry so many are having a crap weekend 😔
We are having a lazy Sunday really. We had a pre-breakfast of chocolate followed by mid-morning pancakes and showers all round. We have played out doing bike races on a homemade course around the cul-de-sac and are now chilling. I've made a vegan coconut and raspberry traybake, the girls are doing loom bands and I'm watching Columbo are enjoying snuggly time with my boy who is falling asleep whilst feeding. I've got a roast dinner planned (without the meat) and am looking forward to stuffing my face. As for NC, I must admit I'm tempted, but absolutely no point and quite frankly I have no interest in him or his shit show of a life with his ex and kids. I've got everything I need right here and you guys do too. You're just not in a place to realise it right now but you will be one day. Big hugs all round x

[mermaidsandunicorns]

Happy Easter all x day 4 here I still feel glad I've done right thing. I've written my list down (and keep adding to it as I think of more stuff) I want him to realise what a selfish twunt he is but I doubt he'll ever see past the end of his own nose.

[Basseting]

Belonger THANK YOU.x

I have been taking part in a pilgrimage which ends at the place where NC first kissed me again (after 25 yrs). So I am overlaying that strong memory with something more positive. I have been in Church today singing about new beginings and forgiveness (for others and self). I really felt it. But I know that it is the wiggly line that OldBrook posted a meme of and that it is a long road. But each step is progress.

I send love out to you all. It really is as simple (and impossible) as offering ourselves the love we have given to others. Obvs all our circs are diff but it seems to be a theme that we can give and give selflessly to NC's but find it so hard to give much kindness to ourselves.

Sorry no personals but about to start meal / egg hunt with kids.x

[Tictactic]

Sorry to hear others suffering too. I have spent most of the last few days in bed unmotivated. I have tidied the house.
I think he has blocked me on WhatsApp and I feel distraught. Message shows 1 grey tick

[Basseting]

Waves to OldBrook x

[Tictactic]

Great articles esp relationship addiction is not love.
Any ideas how to truly believe it's over? I think I'll write that list

[LiteraryDevil]

Tictac how long is it since the relationship ended?

[Tictactic]

1 week Lit.
It was very short, a matter of months but o held so much hope and we were both falling for each other. He broke it off as not ready for a relationship

[NK1cf53daaX127805d4fd5]

Thanks for the beautiful message Basseting

[Basseting]

Oh I SO WANT to send him an Easter greeting
and kiss him
I wont, but it helps to say it on here as I cant in RL.

[Tictactic]

Can understand that basset. Just think of the rejection though, it's not worth it..
I'm feeling a bit better now

[LiteraryDevil]

Tictac early days yet.

I feel really bad as my lb has been taking about my ex's children and saying he misses them and wished they could have easter dinner with us. My girls couldn't imagine anything worse but I still feel bad for LO.