Support and Wisdom at the Crown Cafe (NC Part 10)

[Basseting]

welcome to all going / maintaining No Contact
for whatever reason. Support, advice, wisdom and fun available here.
(and virtual coffee and cake too).

What has it been about this weekend that’s made is all message them?!

Hope everyone is ok.

Raven do you think the email is a good idea? I know it’s tempting to do it but if you know he won’t reply ...

My friend asked me if I was going to a local egg hunt and it made me realise how many places I avoid in case I see him :/

You okay Tictac

Happy Easter everyone!

Day 14 here. I stayed off Messenger last night and think I'll try and stay off it until tomorrow as he's far too used to seeing me online and texting me stupid one liners when he's drunk.

Block and delete. Block and delete. You can't contact them if you do so therefore you avoid putting yourself back to square one. Seriously guys, come in! This is self sabotage! How long has this been going on for now with everyone? I mean how long since the relationships ended.

I won't be blocking and deleting as I'm well able to withstand not messaging him. Plus I think NC is a process and people have to go through certain things before they are ready to do a final block.

I think it’s a process too. And can’t be overly rushed. Each relationship is different.
I don’t want or need to block mine yet. I haven’t messaged him for 17 days. And he is not necessarily a bad person, but I need to move on. Keeping my dignity is important. And you ladies have helped immensely.
Feeling a bit better today. Sometimes you have to write a day off. And hope that the next day is better. I don’t think the blue moon helped.

Literary I’m with you. My NC will never contact me. I will write but may or may not send the email. But he won’t reply, I don’t expect him to, and then it’s over. I won’t count NC days - its irrelevant.
Blocking is hard in case there is the tiniest glimmer of hope. But he has my landline and email addresses so could always get in touch.

Well done on 17 days Rhubarb. That's brilliant.

How are you feeling today Ravens?

@nk I am with you... Not ready to block and delete... We are all different. Yesterday was shocking... It was that flipping moon wasn't it? Feel a fraction better today / atm... It's the teeniest of progress

@ravens can you hold off sending anything today?... I still think you are too raw. I desperately want to contact mine but I am far too raw for the silence... X

Literary. I know it is self sabotage but like others say perhaps it's just part of the process. Anger is kicking in with me now. I feel such a fool at being lovebombed. He's only 1 year out of a 20 plus year marriage I was cautious but liked him too much not to try. Now I've been stung as he isn't ready.
Wine had something to do with the message yesterday.. so silly. I need to get a grip

@tic do not be hard on yourself... Dust yourself down and start again x it's hard and painful I know but you can do it

Silence is very powerful. Remember that if you want to message.

I can’t believe I’m not far off 3 weeks. Yesterday was flat and I felt down, but today is better. There is nothing to achieve by messaging. Will just take me back to the start again.

Silence is so so powerful

I’m not great today. I’ve gone back 3 yrs to how I was when my ex left. Listless, lying in bed, sad, no get up and go, can’t find joy in anything. Kids now with their dad for 8 days so on my own. House is an utter pigsty, I’m lying in unmade beds as children spilt something so I had to strip it, laundry piling up.

My family and friends put up with 2 years of this when my ex left - I just can’t be like this again! On paper I am a bright, successful, slim, attractive girl, solvent with an impressive job, car, lovely kids, family and friends. But in reality I’m a mess with low self-esteem beating myself up for failing at a relationship again, with deep-seated faults that can never be fixed and clearly I’m not enough for anyone as I am.

People tell me I’m great but it doesn’t help and doesn’t work. I’ve contacted my counsellor to try to get a few sessions. So, yeah, not great today

Ravens make yourself a cup of tea and then get up and clean the house. Honestly you'll feel tonnes better if your house is tidy. Then make an appointment with your GP to discuss how you're feeling. Your NC has been a complete ass to end things and not give a proper explanation. He isn't the man for you. If he truly loved you he would treat you properly

Hi everyone, popping in after a few days away. Sorry you're feeling low ravens, nk is wise when she says get up and clean your house, you'll feel much better for it. And counselling sounds a really good idea to help you get to the root of your low self esteem.

Will read back and catch up!

@ravens I feel like you do.... I was like that yesterday... I can't find joy in anything. Try and get by today hour by hour... I have shed loads to do today but I am taking it in chunks. So in all bit an hour more of packing then will allow myself to come on here. I do think that set backs like this are actually more down to opening old wounds.. Think of some short term things you can do to make you feel like you are making progress... Counselling, get some fresh air, make up a bed for you to sleep in tonight, read or listen to some Matthew Hussey,... I have accepted that I will feel crap so my aim is to just make a bit of progress each day... Whether that's having a tidy house (mine is a shit hole), exercise class... And not contacting him.

If it makes you feel any better I still hope in time that I will get him back... But for now it's not going to happen do I am trying to put the rest of my life back together... He is on hold... Probably permanently but for now that's too painful. I really really feel for you xx

Thank you NK and sorry for the pity-party.
I have plans later which is good.
I tried anti-depressants last time. They turned me into a zombie and made me so tired but thank you for the suggestion.

I just don’t know how you turn the thoughts off.
Ravens - I get where you’re coming from, it’s a good idea to have therapy, not sure how well it is working.
I had a dream about an ex from years ago and he treated me like shit and didn’t really love me either
Just makes me feel like I am totally unlovable
And all the meanwhile my NC is off on holiday enjoying his life probably not even thinking about me
And I’m lying in a bed that needs changing in a house that’s a mess too. Can’t even be bothered to get up. I haven’t actually really got up since Friday

It’s a difficult time. But you just have to tell yourself it will only last a few days. I hate that joyless feeling. No motivation for anything.
Do men think and behave differently? Anyone know?

Hi same, sorry you're having a tough time, but it's time to get up and start treating you like a good friend. If you had a good friend in this situation, would you encourage them to stay in bed ruminating or would you try your hardest to distract them and show them there are still good things in the world? It's time to make a choice. Experiment with treating yourself like a friend come to stay for the weekend