Support and Wisdom at the Crown Cafe (NC Part 10)

[Basseting]

welcome to all going / maintaining No Contact
for whatever reason. Support, advice, wisdom and fun available here.
(and virtual coffee and cake too).

I'm new to this thread, so I've bought some virtual cakes & drinks.

I'm having problems with a family member who is so two faced it's unreal. The first I found out was the family was out, a text message was read out loud, then it went from there and stuff was said that I'm really upset/angry about. Firstly I don't know how they got the info, as I never told them anything about the subject, which was me getting a DNA test. It was my Dad's sibling who floated about it. Things with my Dad have been really weird since.

When I had a lift from them they were slagging off various people, when other people have been near, who the family member has slagged off, they then stirs the pot some more.

How sad an existence must you have to get pleasure out of doing this.

Sorry but I'm struggling to make sense of your post. Hope things get better soon for you.

Literary you are so strong and speak a lot of sense.

I also can promise that you can move on. I thought I’d never love anyone like my ExH, but now I feel nothing for him. You can love someone again, but you have to be open to it.

I hope you’re right Raven!! Can just see myself as an old lady all alone xx

How is everyone? Raining again.
Day 16. Doing ok. Starting to be a bit clearer about how I feel. The illusion of him is starting to fade. And I think I just feel annoyed and irritated with the situation. I’m so over feeling like this. It’s boring.
Still want him to miss me. No idea how he is. Still shouldn’t care, but I do.
Aiming for 20 days now.

Hi rhubarb... I am on day 2 of my second round of NC... Am feeling incredibly sad and low today... Struggling to see the point in anything today x

seshi I feel a bit like that today. Might be the blue moon and the rubbish weather.

Day 2 is difficult. The realisation that it’s a long road. But the days start to fly after a week of so.

I hope so... Its been 12 weeks since we split up and I honestly don't feel any better

What’s the longest nc you’ve done with him?

Some days it feels ok and then the next day it’s like going back 3 steps. It’s exhausting

Seshi it won’t be long before you are feeling the same as you were before the gig. I know it doesn’t feel that way now xx

I did three weeks then we got back in touch and we saw each other a week ago and it was a disaster. I have felt totally broken now I know that there's no chance of reconciliation

Acceptance is hard. But know it will get better and this is the worst it will be.
Look forward to the time when it seemed like a lifetime ago.

Thank you I am sorry for being such a miserable cow

I’m a way it’s good because the hope is gone. You can PROPERLY move forward now without thinking in the back of your mind ‘it’s still going to happen’ xx

Tomorrow marks 4 weeks since I finished with him. It doesn't feel that long yet feels longer somehow. I've not really missed him. A little on occasions but generally not. There were just so many unpleasant things about him at the end that it was really no big deal to say goodbye. I'd been distancing myself since Christmas I think. I'm also pretty sure I wasn't in love with him. I loved him, but I wasn't in love. I might have said that already. Too many red flags waving to let myself fall I think. I knew it would never be more than it was, would never live together, never see more of each other, he'd always be tied to his ex-wife and he'd always have a small dick

Literary lol at the small dick!!!! You sound very positive and so ... wise! Onwards and upwards lady :)

Struggling today
Struggling with everything
With life, with how everything has always gone wrong
With him on holiday being happy.
How do you not let it destroy your life
I just don’t even want to exist anymore

Aww sameold :(
I’ve been there. This time last year I was a walking disaster, would just burst into tears at the smallest things, thought about him every minute but now I’m not as bad. I still get sad, I still wish we were together but I can almost live without him now. I’m getting there. You will be ok. I promise, this time next year (I know it feels a long long way away) you will be feeling much better - even next month you’ll not feel as raw xx

sameoldsame Feel free to vent. It’s fine. It’s always up and down. You will get through this, it will feel better. I know the depths but it can only get better.

Can you think of some good things you have now and appreciate them? Kids, friends, family, your health. You have things that other people wish for (and let go of the things no one would wish for -like a shit ex!).

Be kind to yourself

Update - I messaged NC an innoculous ‘hope you are ok’ message on Friday. He’s read but ignored it. That was after 36 days NC. I’m having to now accept it’s really over no hope. I think I am going to send an email just saying a few things I never got to say - but say goodbye and wish him well. I don’t expect a response. Then I delete everything and draw a line under this. I won’t be counting up NC on here because numbers won’t matter - it will be forever.

Happy easter everyone!

Happy Easter!
After a bottle of wine last night I messaged him. Back to day 1 for me