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Original poster

Support and Wisdom at the Crown Cafe (NC Part 10)

993 replies

Basseting · 19/03/2018 21:06

welcome to all going / maintaining No Contact
for whatever reason. Support, advice, wisdom and fun available here.
(and virtual coffee and cake too).

OP posts:
Thread gallery
12
Tictactic · 31/03/2018 08:47

Morning all.
I've zero motivation. Was supposed to be away with him this weekend. I haven't messaged. On reflection and reading threads on he I've been 'lovebombed'.
I also saw him back on OLD with different username..Sad..
It's his birthday today. I'm taking it I don't wish him a happy birthday?

Olikingcharles · 31/03/2018 08:57

Anonymous i have got on with my life over the time been married( big mistake that was another story there). Had a long term relationship with a lovely man.( all went south when NC reappeared in my life. Feelings for him have never really gone despite me thinking otherwise). I have two fabulous adult children ( only good thing to come from my marriage). I have made some dreadful choices over the last couple of years mainly due to following my heart. Dating i'm considering it surely it's got to be better than what i'm doing now. Burying myself in work and drinking to much.

LiteraryDevil · 31/03/2018 08:58

Tictac why on earth would you wish him happy birthday?? It's OVER, he doesn't give a shit and neither should you. Message someone on OLD maybe but seriously, block and delete. It's the only way. All this clinging on is going to get you exactly in this same miserable place for weeks to come to unless you take control of yourself and the situation. It's really not that hard is it to block then delete?? You are compromising your own future and happiness by keeping yourself connected, if only by a message. He's gone, the relationship is gone. Why prolong things?

Tictactic · 31/03/2018 09:05

Literary. Thank you. Wow, I've certainly been told! I really can't believe he's done what he's done. I thought I'd send it as a kind of no hard feelings message. Be the bigger person? Perhaps I'd just look a fool and he'd feel sorry for me.
I'm not fussed on blocking/deleting.. I feel I can move on without having to do that.
I think I was still a little in the denial stage that it's actually over and still daydreaming of getting back together. Silly me.

LiteraryDevil · 31/03/2018 09:31

Tictac sorry if I was harsh but I believe in telling it like it is. I read all the second guessing and trying to read between the lines looking for glimmers of hope on here and it makes me so sad because these men are doing exactly what they mean even if they are saying different. Actions speak louder than words. Believe what their actions are saying: they don't want to be with you because if they did they would be, they are liars, they are cheats, they are unreliable, misleading, spineless insecure fucktards who don't deserve a moment of your head space. There needs to be time to mourn the relationship, the loss of a future with them etc but then there comes a time when you have to tell yourself that enough is enough and you've wasted enough of your previous time on this wanker and it's time to claim your life back and start living in the present not the past. It's hard, I know it is but it's the only way. Someone truly amazing could be out there but you'll miss out on him because you're too busy thinking about the fucktard.

Oldbrook · 31/03/2018 09:35

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Ravenscloak · 31/03/2018 09:41

We all desperately want them to change their minds. But I think a lot of men make a decision, and because they are always right, don’t let doubts creep in.

Tictactic · 31/03/2018 09:47

Thanks Literary. I guess I'm licking my wounds. Feeling fragile, like I've had a mini breakdown. I thought he was the amazing man to come my way. I'm feeling much more accepting now. I wonder if these men ever suffer as much as we are? It takes me ages to move on yet he is back on OLD.

NK1cf53daaX127805d4fd5 · 31/03/2018 10:22

Oliking I know exactly how you're feeling. Please don't let that man control you for a minute longer. He has made his position clear, he's not leaving his wife. If it were meant to be and he truly wanted to be with you then he would be with you Flowers

Tictac sorry you're feeling so bad. It's so hard sometimes.

Oldbrook that article is absolutely fab. Love it.

Hi Ravens and Literary

Day 13 and the eve of the blue moon

anonymous2018 · 31/03/2018 10:42

Day 1 for me :(
So stupid to text him yesterday.
I just need to hope he’ll get in touch when he’s back to himself xx

ThePartingLass · 31/03/2018 10:50

Hi everyone

I hit an all time low last night I'm afraid. Saw on fb pics of nc and his gf with big gang of friends having a long boozy lunch. At the pub where we first met which stung. Sobbed my heart out. Forgot to have tea. Got very drunk. (Male) friend came round and looked after me. Shared a bed but nothing happened.

I have now blocked nc (big step for me) but because several others on the photos were tagged, they're all still coming up on my newsfeed.

Friend left about an hour ago. I'm still sobbing. I really hope this is rock bottom and that the only way is up. Sis has just rang and she's coming over bless her.

Sorry this is all me me me

LiteraryDevil · 31/03/2018 10:54

Anonymous he's not going to get in touch. Or if he does it will only be to tempt you back into the fucktard merry go round. Why do you want him to get in touch? Do you want him back? Why? Ask yourself honestly what you would get from him and do some soul searching. What positives did he bring to your life? X

anonymous2018 · 31/03/2018 10:57

Well done for blocking Parting.

I love him Literary :(
I love him in a way I will never ever love anyone else. No one else will ever compare. I love everything about him other than when he treats me badly.
I know I sound pathetic xx

LiteraryDevil · 31/03/2018 11:00

When real, respectful love comes along you'll realise that this wasn't love at all. It's just really hard to see that now. You have to love yourself first.

anxiousnow · 31/03/2018 11:01

Anon it's not pathetic. It is why we are here as it is so hard.
The parting so sorry you saw that. But wrenching. Well done on blocking

LiteraryDevil · 31/03/2018 11:03

Parting well done! I'd recommend coming off social media where pictures will be for a week or so or just unfollow those friends so you don't see stuff. The only way now is up and sometimes we do need to hit rock bottom to realise that now is time to release ourselves from this hell that we keep ourselves in.

NK1cf53daaX127805d4fd5 · 31/03/2018 11:17

Theparting well done that's a huge move.

Anonymous I know that feeling but you will meet someone else. There isn't just one person out there for us. There are loads Flowers

anonymous2018 · 31/03/2018 11:20

I really hope you’re right. I’m so worried about the future right now and reading things like people have been in my position for 30 years is terrifying. I don’t know how to move forward from this. My OH who has just moved out loved me, maybe not in that fairytale way I wanted but he’d have done anything for me. Unfortunately I didn’t love him and I’m fairly certain I never would. I’m trying to focus on the kids and the house, keeping busy with housework and reading xx

Olikingcharles · 31/03/2018 11:50

NK yes i know all you are saying is correct. I was moving on quite well to a point until i spoke to him. It has made me feel like i'm back to square one though with all the emotions along with it. Going nc was so hard to do and it was working now i feel it has all been undone...

Olikingcharles · 31/03/2018 11:52

Oldbrook thanks for the article it's brilliant.

NK1cf53daaX127805d4fd5 · 31/03/2018 12:26

Oliking it's so tough when there are memories from the past. In a way I wish I'd never bumped into my NC but then I feel he was the catalyst to me ending my marriage so I should be grateful to him

LiteraryDevil · 31/03/2018 12:32

Nk I truly believe everything happens for a reason.

Stay strong everyone. I'm feeling a bit blah this weekend but think that might be as I know I should be going away with him next weekend. No urge to contact him and his numbers have all been blocked and deleted so I can't anyway even if I wanted to.

NK1cf53daaX127805d4fd5 · 31/03/2018 12:56

Thanks Literary and of course you're bound to be feeling blah if you were meant to be away together.

I suppose in time I'll look back and be grateful but right now I'm just furious at him.

anonymous2018 · 31/03/2018 14:23

Wish I didn’t know his number off by heart! I begged him to block me and he wouldn’t xx

LiteraryDevil · 31/03/2018 14:51

I'm going to buy my train ticket on Tuesday and do some planning for the trip. I had tables booked for dinner both nights. I can use one of those but the other one requires a car to get to and we'll be on the train back at dinner time so will be having a train picnic. I'm actually looking forward to going although a little nervous as I've never been to this place before. Part of me thinks I could contact him and apologise and maybe he'd still go but I don't actually want to see or hear from him again. I'm good without him. So we are going to go on our little adventure, visit the castle, eat pizza and ice cream and have a great timeSmile I'm also going to book our summer trips this next week. We all love our little city breaks, cheap and cheerful in a travelodge or premier inn.