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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

A thread to moan on until I’m rid of exP

999 replies

UnimaginativeUsername · 17/03/2018 20:30

(Ex)P and I are separating but we have to live together until we sell this house (due to finances). So I thought I’d start a thread to help me get through the next few months.

OP posts:
UnimaginativeUsername · 30/03/2018 07:14

Yes. He has been staying out of my way. So that’s awesome. It’ll be a bit harder over Easter weekend though, as we’re all in the house together.

OP posts:
UnimaginativeUsername · 30/03/2018 14:09

Ex has gone to a nearby enormous shopping centre to buy himself some clothes. So we’re all having a super relaxing day. DS1 is playing videogames in his room and DS2 is curled up in my bed watching ninja warrior on my iPad.

My mum has asked if I want to come up with the boys for Easter. So I’ll broach that with ex when he returns.

We’re going to New York on Wednesday and flying from the airport near my mum’s house (because it was much cheaper). Ex is coming for the first two days (alas) but then going to a work thing. Then it’ll just be me and DS2 having and adventure (DS1 didn’t want to come, so he’s staying at his dad’s).

So it makes total sense to go and stay at my mum’s beforehand. My mum can give me and DS2 a lift to the airport. The sticking point is likely to be that it would mean ex has to get the train to the airport on his own (and spend Easter on his own), as I sincerely doubt he wants to visit my mum. So he might be difficult about that.

OP posts:
UnimaginativeUsername · 30/03/2018 16:02

His response to the idea of me going to my mum’s was to go silent. Then he said ‘and how am I supposed to get to ?’. I just said that I was just trying to have a conversation about it. But apparently he needed to send an email immediately and has sloped off to his room for the last 30 minutes. He claims (because DS2 asked if he wanted to play fortnite with him) that he’s still sending the email.

Honestly, he’s so self-involved that he doesn’t seem to understand that splitting up means that his life is going to be less convenient than it used to be.

I also noticed that he’s arranging to meet a woman tonight by text. Of course he hasn’t actually asked me if I am willing to look after DS2 tonight to facilitate his social life.

OP posts:
Boysnme · 30/03/2018 17:04

You should get in there first and tell him that you have a date and he needs to have DS2 tonight

GreenTulips · 30/03/2018 17:56

How he gets to the airport is irrelevant really - he'll have to make these grown up decisions all on his own in future so he'd beat start practicing

UnimaginativeUsername · 30/03/2018 21:05

You should get in there first and tell him that you have a date and he needs to have DS2 tonight

He’s meeting her at 8.30. He told me at approximately 7.30. I was so tempted to say that I actually had plans but I’m really tired and that would mean I’d have to go out (rather than putting my PJs on and watching tv in bed).

He was hilariously vague about ‘meeting someone’ and he’s been hiding his phone screen in case I catch a glimpse of his messages. I have no idea why though, since we are not in a relationship and I really do not care if he shags someone else. In fact, I’d encourage anything that gets him out of the house!

How he gets to the airport is irrelevant really - he'll have to make these grown up decisions all on his own in future so he'd beat start practicing

Well yes. That was my thoughts on the matter. I genuinely don’t care how he gets to the airport (and I’m pretty confident that, as a man in his 30s who can manage to do a professional job, he is capable of working out that the train is how you get from here to the airport). He has to get the train back anyway because DS2 and I are leaving 2 days before he is, so he may as well get some practise on the way there.

Even so, I still haven’t managed to resolve the visiting my mum thing because he’s stonewalling. I’d just go but I still have to negotiate with him about DS2 until we have sorted out residency properly. Tomorrow I’m going to force him to have the conversation. Or, if he won’t talk, then I’m going to tell him that the boys would like to visit their grandmother and it’s unfair of him to prevent that. He has always made it very difficult for me to see my mum (and he behaves very antisocially on the rare occasions she does see us). Not feeling something approaching panic every time my mum expresses an interest in visiting because I’ll have to run it by him is yet another wonderful thing I can put on my ‘why not being with ex is the Best Thing Ever’ list.

OP posts:
shitwithsugaron · 30/03/2018 22:16

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

UnimaginativeUsername · 30/03/2018 22:25

I’ve been thinking about the name of the woman ex is meeting. I thought it sounded familiar. I strongly suspect it might be one of my recently graduated students at work. It’s not a hugely common surname.

If it is, then it feels a bit creepy. I’m not entirely sure why though. I’m pretty sure it is completely ridiculous to find it weird. She would be considerably younger than him (and far better looking than he is). But it’s not that. I think it’s more that there are there are millions of women, and I’d prefer that he stuck to the ones with no connection to me at all (however minor and tenuous). Logically that’s quite silly though.

I also wonder if that’s why he’s been so cagey about it and is clearly unsettled by my having glimpsed her name on his phone screen (I wasn’t snooping; he sat down next to DS2 and his screen got in the way of my ninja warrior viewing).

OP posts:
UnimaginativeUsername · 30/03/2018 22:26

Brilliant stuff about the viewing @shitwithsugaron. I hope it goes well and they desperately want to buy your house!

OP posts:
shitwithsugaron · 30/03/2018 22:34

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

UnimaginativeUsername · 30/03/2018 22:36

Oh that’s disappointing. Hopefully you’ll have lots of viewers after the Easter weekend.

Apparently our house is going on the market on the 16th.

OP posts:
UnimaginativeUsername · 31/03/2018 10:57

Ex appears to have determined that he’d be a complete arsehole if he refused to let me take DS2 to visit his grandmother. So we’re going up there tomorrow.

He also appears to have worked out that trains are a miraculous form of transport that will take passengers to all kinds of destinations.

He appears to be quite hung over today. So I have suggested that he takes DS2 to an indoor inflatable obstacle course thing this afternoon (because it’s an excellent way of spending quality time with him!). DS2 is very keen to go. I bet that’ll be fun if he’s feeling a bit fragile. Grin

OP posts:
shitwithsugaron · 31/03/2018 11:07

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

UnimaginativeUsername · 31/03/2018 11:19

Wow. What a complete arsehole your ex is @shitwithsugaron. You must be so stressed. Do you think he’s going to transfer that attitude to child maintenance in future?

I really hope the Easter Sunday viewings go well and you sell the house quickly.

OP posts:
SneakyGremlins · 31/03/2018 11:36

Can't relate OP but just wanted to drop off these Flowers Grin

GreenTulips · 31/03/2018 11:38

So I have suggested that he takes DS2 to an indoor inflatable obstacle course

Genius!

UnimaginativeUsername · 31/03/2018 11:46

Thanks @SneakyGremlins.

I am very glad that you can’t relate to my experience. I wouldn’t wish it on anyone. Smile

I’m looking forward to some time away from ex. And also really pleased that I thought of the obstacle course. I’m not usually passive aggressive (ex most definitely is) but it is very satisfying.

OP posts:
SneakyGremlins · 31/03/2018 12:31

I mean if anyone has the right to be passive aggressive it's you!

UnimaginativeUsername · 31/03/2018 13:33

Possibly.

Apparently ex is ‘going to have a bit of a rest’ before he takes DS2 to the obstacle course. I don’t think he’s feeling very well. Mwahahaha.

OP posts:
UnimaginativeUsername · 31/03/2018 15:44

I have just dropped them off* at the inflatable nightmare of hungover doom. It is absolutely perfect. A huge, echoey warehouse with music, disco lights and excited children everywhere (making excited children noises). There’s also the constant him if generators powering all the inflatable stuff. It’s pretty much the last place you’d want to go to if you were hungover. DS2 had to wake him up to go too.

  • we only have one car, and I’m going to grab something to make for dinner and go and sit in Costa and read a book.
OP posts:
AuntFidgetWonkhamStrongNajork · 31/03/2018 15:54

I salute you Grin Next time he's pissing you off, just imagine the look on his face when it dawned on him exactly how bad the afternoon was going to be Grin

UnimaginativeUsername · 31/03/2018 16:31

Oh I will.

It’s even better than softplay. Not least because he has to go on the inflatable thing with DS2. No sitting in the cafe wishing he was elsewhere. He’s got to bounce his way around and play games with DS2.

OP posts:
UnimaginativeUsername · 31/03/2018 16:33

Well technically he doesn’t have to go in. But DS2 only wanted to go if his dad joined in the activity!

OP posts:
rascallyrascal · 31/03/2018 17:33

Hahahaha! This is beautiful! And elegantly done OP!!!!

GreenTulips · 31/03/2018 17:42

It’s even better than soft play

LOL

I so wish we were friends!! I'd take you out for wine and a right giggle!!

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