A thread to moan on until I’m rid of exP

[UnimaginativeUsername]

(Ex)P and I are separating but we have to live together until we sell this house (due to finances). So I thought I’d start a thread to help me get through the next few months.

I'm sure once the adjustment period is over it'll all become second nature to him.

Shame about the disco, he shouldn't feel as though he can't go. Would it be worth having another chat to him about it ?

.... it's been tough going this morning trying to get DC1 to do homework. DC1 had just started ( finally after a lot of debate ) when ex walked in and said " don't worry after that you can do something fun with me" he then looked at me sniggered and went back to watching the Simpsons.

Maybe I shouldn't of done the following but whilst the debate was going on I told DC1 that C should feel appreciative that I am the only one in this house that takes interest DC work so please don't get cross with me as I just want the best for DC ( if all that makes sense )

@UnimaginativeUsername , please set up a new thread when this one ends

I will set up a new thread when we’ve filled this one up.

Eventually your DC will recognise that giving a shit about the boring stuff is the important part of parenting. You can be the reliable one that’s always there too.

I don’t think DS2 feels that he can’t go; he doesn’t want to. And he’s a stubborn little bugger (unfortunately he gets that from me).

@UnimaginativeUsername I've read the whole thread over the past few days and I was so hoping to see that you'd moved out and got rid of the wanker. You sound like an amazing mum and I have no doubt your DS2 will see through your ex at some point

Thanks @hamandpease.

Hopefully it will be soon. My solicitor asked me to suggest some dates for completion at the end of last week. I’ve told him the short periods that I’ll be away and said any other date is great - the sooner, the better.

So maybe by the time we need a new thread, I’ll have escaped! I’m going to think of a more inclusive title for the next one so that it’s obvious that it’s for anyone in the same kind of situation.

I will set up a new thread when we’ve filled this one up.

Pleased about that! 😊

Eventually your DC will recognise that giving a shit about the boring stuff is the important part of parenting. You can be the reliable one that’s always there too.

Oh, I do hope so 🤞

I see about the school disco. I still think it's a shame but on the other hand if that's what he wants to do then I'd go with it .

Ex has taken DC out for a few hours so I'm here with mn and a book.
Ex went out last night and stayed at one of his latest conquests ( in the meantime leaving me to struggle ) just before DC asked him if he enjoyed his night ( we were all together in the same room )and he was all "oh, yes. It was wonderful. In fact fantastic . Best night ever " obviously they don't know where he has been but his voice was so smarmy and smug. I just did not rise to him.

I AM NOT BOTHERED WHERE HE HAS BEEN OR WHO WITH BUT DO NOT COME BACK HERE PUTTING IT ALL IN MY FACE TO CAUSE A REACTION OUT OF ME TO MAKE ME LOOK LIKE I AM THE BAD GUY 😡😡

@UnimaginativeUsername

That's good news from your solicitor and yes, maybe when the new thread starts you would of escaped (or on the verge ) by then 🤞

sorry for my rant up thread about Ex. My situation is giving me a lot of thinking time . I offer you these 💐

sorry for my rant up thread about Ex.

I think you’ll find that’s exactly what this thread is for. No need to apologise.

You can come and tell us about his shitty behaviour so that you don’t need to feel any compulsion to rise to his provocation.

I find that imagining telling everyone on this thread about his latest antics really helps me to stay calm when actually dealing with ex.

He’s taken DS2 out today. It’s 27C so they’ve gone to an indoor gaming event, which will be swelteringly hot. Imagine being in a hot sports hall full of computers and sweaty gamers today... DS2 was really looking forward to it though.

I didn’t need to pack a lunch because ex has asked for the car (asked for is putting is strongly; assumed he’s entitled to is more like it) and was planning on going to Nando’s for lunch. I’m planning to ask him why he hasn’t filled up the tank with petrol when he returns.

I’ll give DS2 the packed lunch as his dinner instead.

sorry for my rant up thread about Ex.

I think you’ll find that’s exactly what this thread is for. No need to apologise.

THANK YOU

You can come and tell us about his shitty behaviour so that you don’t need to feel any compulsion to rise to his provocation.

YES, IT DOES GIVE ME A SENSE OF RELEASE AND THANKS AGAIN. CANT OPEN UP AS MUCH TO FRIENDS IN RL AS I AM QUITE PRIVATE PERSON. HATE THE THOUGHT OF BEING TALKED ABOUT

I find that imagining telling everyone on this thread about his latest antics really helps me to stay calm when actually dealing with ex.

COMPLETELY ON THE SAME PAGE AS YOU HERE

He’s taken DS2 out today. It’s 27C so they’ve gone to an indoor gaming event, which will be swelteringly hot. Imagine being in a hot sports hall full of computers and sweaty gamers today... DS2 was really looking forward to it though.

AT LEAST HE IS FOLLOWING DS2 INTERESTS EVEN THOUGH IT IS INDOORS AND PROBABLY SWEATY. NOTHING A NICE SHOWER CANT FIX

I didn’t need to pack a lunch because ex has asked for the car (asked for is putting is strongly; assumed he’s entitled to is more like it) and was planning on going to Nando’s for lunch. I’m planning to ask him why he hasn’t filled up the tank with petrol when he returns.

YES, YOU MUST ASK ABOUT CONTRIBUTING TOWARDS PETROL. ONLY SEEMS FAIR TO ME ( HOWEVER YOU SHOULDNT HAVE TO ASK )
NANDOS IS GREAT HOWEVER AT SOME POINT HE WILL HAVE TO START KNOWING WHAT HE CAN GIVE HIM FROM HOME ( OR DO YOU THINK HE'LL PLAN ON TAKING DS2 TO EAT OUT ALL THE TIME FOR EASE )

I’ll give DS2 the packed lunch as his dinner instead

AT LEAST THATS THAT JOB SORTED !

It is hard to share some of this stuff in real life. It’s just not things you’d want generally known.

The retro gaming thing is also ex’s interests. He has gotten DS2 into it (which is great, because it’s really nice for them to share an interest). But it’s typical ex, insofar as he can only sustain an interest if it was already something he wanted to do. It is also why it’s so weird that he’s not keeping his old consoles so he can continue to share the interest with DS2 in his own house.

I was out at swimming, so ex decided to order pizza for him and DS2. At least he didn’t text me this time. DS1 and I will do sandwiches for dinner instead.

Thanks for saying I can post on here, I asked if it was ok last week as am having a hard time with ExP (but have now Nced)

I don’t even know where to begin but maybe will feel a bit better by being on this thread. I cannot believe what is happening and that it is still going on.

Also I don't want it to seem like I'm boasting

It’s not boasting. It’s hope for the rest of us.

I’m really glad things have improved so much for you and your DD.

I don’t even know where to begin but maybe will feel a bit better by being on this thread.

I’m sorry that you’re in the same boat as us! Start wherever you like - it can simply be with today’s gripe if that’s helpful. We will understand your frustrations.

My weird news is that I have a date lined up. He’s quite good looking and has an interesting job. However, he is also still having to live with his ex and kids while they sell the house. So he’s basically someone else’s useless (and probably annoying) ex!

I am (as you can imagine) filtering what little info I’ve had about this through the ‘what would your ex have to say about this?’. He hasn’t said very much at all (because complaining about your ex is not good way to impress a woman you’ve asked out) and has not in any way insinuated any evil ex nonsense.

He seems nice and I figure I should give it a shot (if nothing else, it’s an evening out at the pub - and an ambiguous ‘pub with T’ in the calendar!). After all, relationships can end without one party being an absolute arse. Mine might have, but it is possible for it to be a different scenario.

Obviously I’m not going to swap my awful ex for someone else’s. I just need to work out if he’s a reasonable human being in a slightly shit situation or something else. It would be unfair to judge all men by ex’s standards.

If anything it might be good to have someone in a similar situation to chat to.

And you never know, it could be the wife who was a twat!

Also a date will do wonders to restore confidence after a break up

You are right. You usually are.

Maybe neither of them is a twat and it just didn’t work out. These things do happen.

He does seem very nice. And a date with someone who is very good looking (much better looking than ex! ) can only be good for my confidence.

@UnimaginativeUsername

Yes, you should definitely give your date a shot. Go for it, get dressed up, spoil yourself, have fun. Good to hear that he is pleasing to the eye!.
It sounds as though you'll both have things in common regarding your current situations he might just turn out to be your brand new friend.

Please don't answer if you don't want to but where do you know him from? Sorry, just curious

tinder

I gave it another go after the initial horror mostly on the basis that I don’t want to go on any dates with people I work work or people who are in any way connected to ex. So tinder seemed like a way to meet strangers. (Sadly it’s also an excellent way to not meet strange people).

I swipe left a lot.

I am, of course, being extra cautious due to the tinder factor. But I have managed to ascertain that he is definitely separated (and not some tinder chancer) and seems normal. He’s being interesting and quite sweet but not weird or flirty. I can’t flirt with someone I haven’t met.

He’s away with work this week so we’re meeting on Sunday (because I already have plans on Friday and Saturday).

Ex has obviously twigged that something is up. He’s started being nicer to me - in a weird way. He’s realised that I have a life he knows nothing about (and isn’t ever going to be part of) and people who are in my corner. So he’s started pretending that he cares.

I was talking to a friend about crappy stuff at work and he overheard. He asked if I was OK (I wasn’t upset; we were taking the piss about the absurdity of our workplace) and then he said ‘you know you can always talk to me about things if you need to’. That’ll be a no. I couldn’t risk talking to him about anything important while we were in a relationship (because it would inevitably become a stick to beat me with). So why would I start now?

I also wonder if the amazing life he imagined for himself isn’t quite working out how he imagined it would. He always kept me away from the (tiny number of) friends he made. And now he seems put out that I have friends of my own and that people actually like me.

Looking back, that’s often been the case. But people tend to like him less. And he isolated me from anyone who could be a support.

Yep abusive through and through!

I like those posters you see on Facebook. At the end of a relationship you see the woman in tears and the man jumping for joy. Then by the end of a month or two, the bloke is sobbing and the woman is blissfully happy I think the tables are slowly turning UU

I hope they are!

@UnimaginativeUsername

Thanks for sharing.
I've never looked at or used tinder / online dating.
There's probably a thread for it on mn somewhere! I'm sure it's full of all kinds of different people.

You do have a life beyond Ex and it seems that your making a start with it too!

To be honest, tinder is pretty horrifying in lots of ways. But I figure that there must be some decent human beings on there. It’s just finding them.

It’s free, easy to set up and (crucially) easy to delete if you decide it’s awful!

There is a thread on MN.

I used tinder after a break up from a boyfriend and I really just wanted people to talk to... if you take it all with a pinch of salt and delete those whilst smiling, who are just after a shag, it can be good fun and give you a variety of people to talk to on those boring evenings. But you really do have to treat it as a giggle rather than a serious dating app. I’ve a friend who uses it to meet but she’s ended up being ghosted and they have been a bunch of fuckwits.