A thread to moan on until I’m rid of exP

[UnimaginativeUsername]

(Ex)P and I are separating but we have to live together until we sell this house (due to finances). So I thought I’d start a thread to help me get through the next few months.

Yes. I think treating it as a source of amusement is the best policy.

Ahhh
I've posted once or twice but generally quiet on your thread.

I do look back on my tinder escapades with joy and happiness. There were some weird ones, some nice ones, some go with the flow but so not right ones (ahem - sex). And totally keep it lighthearted. I think you need to travel a journey after divorce etc and dating is part of it.
It absolutely does not lead to new man, knight in shining, head over heels in any way shape or form.
It does show you that you are a confident and attractive woman again.

Have fun. Try NOT to spend the whole evening talking about your ex's although doing so is part of the journey

TBH, we’ve managed to completely avoid talking about our exes so far. I think we can just focus on ourselves and what we have in common (a lot, some of it quite unexpected). I don’t want to talk about ex to other men.

And I’m not looking for any knight in shining armour. Just a nice evening out at the pub really at this point. I’ll call that a win. Actually, I don’t think I’ve ever been looking for a knight in shining armour. I’m more of the getting myself out of scrapes kind of Disney heroine.

How is everyone doing?

I’m still waiting to hear back from the solicitor about exchanging and completion dates.

Ex is taking DS2 to visit his parents’ for 2 weeks on Sunday, so I’m trying to get him to understand that he should pack everything and move out first. He’s refusing to do it until we exchange. 🙄

It’s really annoying as he’s away for most of the summer. He says he’s keen to move ASAP but doesn’t seem to understand that he won’t be here so he needs to just move out so that we can complete and I can move!

Ah well if he has to return from somewhere to move out that's his problem. Tell him it will be dumped on front lawn otherwise!

I have pointed this out. He’s allegedly going to a conference in the USA for over two weeks. That sounds very much like a holiday to me. No conference is that long! And then he’s away at an actual conference at the end of August (one of those ones that I could go to, but have never been able to since DS2 was born because ex always goes).

He should just move out NOW. That’s what I would do if the situations were reversed. Apparently he’s organised somewhere to store his stuff (a friend’s house ), so he can just bloody move immediately.

I think he’s trying to stall so he doesn’t have to figure out where to live (or spend money on rent) until September.

He may have been given advice by a solicitor not to move out beforehand. A friend of mine was told this after a disastrous house-share went wrong.

Or he's just doing it to be a dick

I'd go with the above approach - if he's not there it will thrown into a skip. You're not prepared to leave the house with things in for the buyer to deal with. Or to face a compensation bill from the unhappy buyer either. You're not packing his stuff up. You're not paying your removal co to deal with his crap. No no no.

Fingers crossed you get a date ASAP

He waiting for you to to it for him. He doesn't understand it's not your problem anymore. It's the same reason why he still eats your food and expects you to cover ds2 food needs when he with him.

Have you told his parents about DS2 diagnosis so they can get food that ds2 can eat with out being ill. I'm sure they wouldn't want him to be ill just because their son hasn't given them all the information.

Did you buy a fridge box in the end?

Hope you don’t mind me having a whinge about my ex. We don’t live together anymore, thank goodness.

It’s his w/e to have the dc next weekend. Picks up at 3,15 Friday and drops them off 6.30 Sunday. We have a wedding to go to on Friday so I asked if I could keep the girls a few hours longer so they could stay for the disco. Nope, he’s taking them away that weekend (fair enough it’s his weekend). Then he TELLS me he’s keeping them Monday too as he’s away. Apparently I should have known this, as it’s a yearly thing and it’s been arranged for months. Well I don’t know, as he’d not told me! My dh has also taken that day off, unpaid, as it’s school holidays to look after the dc, but might not be able to cancel the leave so we’ll be out of pocket. I wouldn’t mind so much but my ex flatly refuses to give up holidays, except 1 week to help with the school holidays, as he needs a holiday too and needs time for his hobbies - he has them Eow , poor sausage, he must be exhausted. So me and dh, have no holidays together except a family holiday as we take time off separately during school holidays, whilst ex knob head swans about!

So I finally flipped and told him if he won’t give me the few extra hours on Friday he can stick Monday up his arse and bring them back Sunday evening as normal - he’s currently not talking to me

@UnimaginativeUsername and all

Hi Everyone, just checking in.

@UnimaginativeUsername, if I where in your shoes I would want Ex to sort his stuff and move out asap too however I think @ahitwithsugaron has a fair point about waiting for contracts to be exchanged

In the meantime are you looking forward to going on your date this weekend ?

Hi just jumping on in here, I'm an avid MN reader but I've finally joined up to comment on this post.

I've loved seeing all of your journeys, and at times have cried for the things you're going through. Laughed and whooped when you've had a small triumph over those narasassistic bastards.

Well done you Unimaginative, your journey has been incredible and I feel this is only the beginning for you. You're an incredibly gracious, patient woman, and your DS both sound amazing. (Really hoping my grammar is okay here, haha!)

Well done MN for uplifting each other so well it's beautiful to see women empowering one another. Wine and flowers to all. I highly recommend ' Part time working mummy a patch work life' if you need a good read from another female warrior. Her journey too has been hellish but her future like yours look amazing.

Love to all.

Hi @UnimaginativeUsername

Just checking in to see how everything is with you

Nearly time for a new thread at least move date is getting much nearer...

Hope everything is all right with everyone. I've been quiet because things haven't changed for me - but that's probably a sign, since he's been 'behaving' recently. I feel stronger about standing up for how I feel - I've been easily swayed by him in the past (too sensitive/expect too much etc etc). Not looking forward to the family holiday... I'm not quite in the same place as you strong ladies who are making the break, but you are all so supportive. It means a lot to be among you! Hope to see you on the new thread x

@UnimaginativeUsername

... hope all is ok?

@namechanged77

we've got a family holiday coming up as well. I'll be purely focusing on DC. Will be taking a massive bottle of patience with me.

@UnimaginativeUsername

I hope everything is okay?

Hi there hope all’s well? Did you start another thread in which case could you send the link? Thanks 😎

I hope you are ok OP I've loved keeping up with your thread and keep rooting for you to have a happy ending in your new home! 🏠

I read this thread end to end last night & kudos ladies, I was in a similar space 15 years ago, and I wish MN was around then. The advice I got in RL was rubbish (screwed by ex being thought of as wonderful by the rest of the world), compared to the support & advice on this thread which is just awesome.

Keep strong and keep going, the first part after you finally get your own space is hard. Narcs may try to unbalance it, but stay strong as by heck does it get better, the longer I was away from the gaslighting, the lies & the bloody grief - the stronger I got. Yes he left me, but thought I would always be there as the fall back as who else would want me....

Yes it got nastier at points, but my life now is good, it's solid, it's real & has been for over a decade. Ex's life on the other hand is chaos, littered with ex's & more children, now his looks are fading - the charm isn't enough, and he currently lives in a bedsit. Karma is a bitch.

@unimaginativeusername ! Hope you're ok! Come back!

Beware the gifting of computer games, especially if he usually plays them with DS2.
It might be a Trojan horse manoeuvre, where he will suggest or manipulate DS2 into inviting him to play games together and once in he can have nosy around your house/start criticising or "suggesting"....

I'll k