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Original poster

The Fabulous Crown wearing cafe. No contact thread part 9...

999 replies

seshi · 12/03/2018 21:01

Hello ladies for anyone attempting, going through or wanted to try No Contact. We don't judge on here... Just lots of lovely support and advice... Come join us

OP posts:
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NK1cf53daaX127805d4fd5 · 13/03/2018 09:43

What do you mean he popped out to see someone else Basseting? Do you mean another woman?

gingergenius · 13/03/2018 09:54

Ooh if we're turning into a bar can I get on the microphone and sing a few mins Simone tunes as light entertainment?

gingergenius · 13/03/2018 09:55

Nina Simone. Obvs!

gingergenius · 13/03/2018 09:57

So still no reply subsequent to my 'I don't feel good about myself' message.

More punishment for not doing as I'm told/what's expected.

There's still a tiny part in my Pandora's box brain that still hopes he'll see the light/have some kind of epiphany/realise the error of his ways/have an empathy transplant.

Hope is a bitch.

Basseting · 13/03/2018 09:58

NK yes - I still can't quite believe it!

So, 25 yrs ago we dated for a year - he left his wife (whom he had not mentioned) for me. Too late - I didn't trust him so I left him.
He then met S. Spent 20 yrs with her ( the 'Asian girls' phase was towards the end of this - he said he was 'looking for me' (!).

Then he left S for his wife (needed somewhere to live i suspect).
only he still meets S twice a week. then he met me again.
He told me about his domestic living arrangements (they have sep rooms with Yale locks. she is now nearly 80) but he had not told me that he was still 'in contact' with S (70). He went to help her with her bags at the station. he was gone an hour and when he came back they'd had brunch. I had intended to pack up and leave ( a day early) but i'd been 'up all night' (ahem!) and fell back asleep which rather spoilt my flounce. When he came back I was still in the shower. Doh!

I believe i am the only person he has been physical with for a decade. but he is emotionally intimate with S and will (rightly) not abandon his wife again. goodness knows about his asian leanings. If he had told me the truth at the beginning I could have avoided a lot of pain.

Basseting · 13/03/2018 09:59
gingergenius · 13/03/2018 10:02

@Basseting COME BACK AND PUT YOUR CROWN ON RIGHT NOW

gingergenius · 13/03/2018 10:03

Honestly @Basseting what a total headfuck for you. But this is the problem is t it? It's the invested years that makes it so hard to shake them off.

Oldbrook · 13/03/2018 10:08

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Basseting · 13/03/2018 10:20

Ginger Thank you.
If he had told me then I could have decided for myself if / how much I wanted to get involved. But he kept quiet about S.
I am upset by his low contact as I want him to care how I am and check in every so often.
But I think he finds that hard as he feels passionately about me so 'checking in on Mummy' (which is defo an element of the other two, both older than him) is a problem for him?

Or he is just a smelly lying old Steptoe!
But yes it has been a complete headfuck and regaining any dignity is proving hard.

gingergenius · 13/03/2018 10:24

@Basseting he sounds such a catch lol!!! It's funny isn't it, who end up floating our boat!

gingergenius · 13/03/2018 10:27

@Oldbrook if you listen to mine you'd think I should be sectioned. He loves to tell me that he knows me and recognises the cycle, but won't acknowledge that he is part of the reason that cycle perpetuates. It does make me crazy. But I'm not like it when I'm alone. That speaks volumes, I think?

Basseting · 13/03/2018 10:28

Yes, I know what you mean.
But he has been the love of my life (so far).
Our contact (then and now) has been brief, then sporadic then long gaps but during some really intense times. And the physical side. Oh my!
I am trying to see the funny side. Being on here helps.

gingergenius · 13/03/2018 10:30

Sending hugs @Basseting, it all sucks really. Yes to the physical side of things too. I feel ruined for anyone else.

Oldbrook · 13/03/2018 10:42

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Oldbrook · 13/03/2018 10:44

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

gingergenius · 13/03/2018 10:53

Ffs I've just had this reply from him:

I'm sorry that you feel this way. I honestly felt like I have had no choice other than being completely honest with you about how things have been. Hinting and hoping for the best was getting no where. I love you enough to risk everything to see you recognise how things are. If I didn't love you it would have been easy to say not my problem and walk away. I haven't done that. So I get cut out because I was honest with you?

Wtaf????

Original poster
seshi · 13/03/2018 10:55

Ok so his phone is still off so I messaged his work colleague who said he would get him to call me soon...

And so the horrible waiting game begins

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Original poster
seshi · 13/03/2018 10:56

@ginger what does that mean..

? It's not giving you any answers!

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gingergenius · 13/03/2018 10:58

Apparently my mood swings and our crappy relationship cycle is down to my periods! Nothing else.

Belonger · 13/03/2018 11:10

Oh my god ginger , he talks complete nonsense! Wow, he really makes it all about you doesn't he? A master manipulator.

gingergenius · 13/03/2018 11:13

There's more:

you have recently acknowledged some of what had been going on. I can quite literally look at my diary and predict how things will be between us based on where you are in your cycle. Fact. Okay the issue that sparks something off might change but not the when, because it's about how we cope. Our ability to cope and handle things IS stuck in a regular, repeating, four week pattern. It always has been, the difference for me now is that I'm willing to talk about this even if you don't like it.

This is why I'm happy that you're finally having a meaningful conversation with medical people about this.

Am I going mad?

Belonger · 13/03/2018 11:14

I wouldn't engage with any of his nonsense tbh. I'd do the thing we learn in assertiveness training and just stick to what you want to say. 'Thank you for explaining that. It doesn't change anything. I do not want to see you.'

End. Of.

gingergenius · 13/03/2018 11:15

What smug, sanctimonious twat!!!! Honestly! I think he's expecting me to be grateful for sticking by me or something!!!!

Belonger · 13/03/2018 11:18

Regardless of any issues you may or may not have with your cycle, he doesn't sound like someone you want to be making a life with. You don't feel good around him. He has committed fraud I think? He is not a trustworthy man.

Don't let him blame your body for anything. If he was kind, respectful, honest, made you feel great about yourself and lifted you up, you wouldn't be where you are now.