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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

The Fabulous Crown wearing cafe. No contact thread part 9...

999 replies

seshi · 12/03/2018 21:01

Hello ladies for anyone attempting, going through or wanted to try No Contact. We don't judge on here... Just lots of lovely support and advice... Come join us

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Original poster
seshi · 19/03/2018 10:22

Morning everyone... Well it's all gone tits up again. I am 95% certain that I saw NC on TV yesterday at the football match I was watching with a woman. I waa devastated...
Got drunk and sent him lots of messages. I don't understand he was messaging me on Saturday and everything was fine. My text on sat says delivered but my ranting ones I sent last night just say sent and his phone is off... So I am frantically trying to work out if I can recall them... God what a mess.... I am feeling like I am right back at square one

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Ravenscloak · 19/03/2018 10:50

So sorry seshi sounds like he v happy to be offered tickets to a gig and come to it, but is not that committed and has other girls he is casually seeing as well.

Thanks for comments re 30 days. right now, NC is being done in hope he will come back. If I’ve heard nothing for 60 days I will give up, hurt again and move on. But we parted on good terms, I’ve been NC since and we did have fun together.

Original poster
seshi · 19/03/2018 11:09

@ravens thank you so much. I did my no contact with the aim of getting him back and just so disappointed as I thought it had worked. You are doing brilliantly x

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Belonger · 19/03/2018 11:47

Sorry seshi you must have been really upset. Please don't give yourself a hard time about the messages, we've all done things we regret. I'd tell him to shove it re the gig though, he's hurt you too much.

NK1cf53daaX127805d4fd5 · 19/03/2018 11:49

See I guess NC does work if they have feelings for us because they get a chance to miss us. If they have moved on though then they won't contact. Although painful it is good that they don't contact because at least they aren't leading us on, or using us for an ego boost or sex. And their lasting memory of us is that we were dignified and knew our value.

I stopped counting at around Day 23 as I felt it was holding me back and placing too much importance on him. I knew when Day 30 was though and that's when he contacted me.

NK1cf53daaX127805d4fd5 · 19/03/2018 11:50

Seshi I'd definitely tell him to shove it and bring a friend to the gig!

Ravenscloak · 19/03/2018 12:52

I think there is some sense in stopping counting. Especially as it turns out 30 days NC isn’t actually a ‘thing’ anyway. It’s supposed to be forever/until they contact you. I will contact him some time between 1 and 2 months, then I will call it a day and move on Sad

Original poster
seshi · 19/03/2018 13:12

Ok he's just called... Says it wasn't him at the football... I told him that I thought he was there with another woman and he laughed!! His phone is still knackered so he definitely hasn't seen my messages.
The whole thing has just highlighted how easy I have been reeled back in and how far I still have to go Sad

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gingergenius · 19/03/2018 13:13

Do you believe him @seshi ? X

NK1cf53daaX127805d4fd5 · 19/03/2018 13:14

Oh goodness Seshi how do you feel?

anonymous2018 · 19/03/2018 13:20

Sorry I don’t know how to quote people I don’t think.

Seshi that must have hurt a lot about the football. Did you believe him when he said he wasn’t there?

Someone posted a link a few pages back which seems to be full of quotes from books and that really helped me. If he loves you ... he’s going to contact you and leaving him in silence in the mean time allows him to remember the nice parts of you rather than the crazy messages. Much the same as we find it easier to recall the good parts of them.

Day 1 for me. I find it easy enough during the day when I’m at work, lunch time is the hardest part but it’s when I get home and I’ve found that other threads in this part of the forum make me worse. I’m not sure if I’d be better off leaving my phone at work? But obviously that means I miss contact from other people ie my mum etc. I’m seeing my councillor for the first time this week and I think that will really help because if I’m telling her I don’t want to contact him I’ll want to be able to report back the following week that I didn’t.

Chatted a bit too him last night but he’ll text back and forward a bit then just disappear which winds me up. I find it rude more than anything. You feel as if you’re getting somewhere then he’s gone.

Well done to everyone half way or so through another day of NC.

Would be interested to hear more about these books people are writing! I could write a series of books about heartbreak, I know that much!

Original poster
seshi · 19/03/2018 13:31

@nk @anxious I want to believe him... God I don't know. I certainly believe that his phone is knackered... He is always breaking them. I just need to see what happens now with Friday. I am going to try and get busy now and not obsess over him..... Famous last word's! @anon welcome to our cafe... You will see we are all at different stages.... It's a hard road but NC does work. You will have good days and bad ones... Just keep posting. No one on here judges... X day one of a new start xxx

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Original poster
seshi · 19/03/2018 13:33

You know what it really had frightened me how quickly I fell into total devastation

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gingergenius · 19/03/2018 13:36

Yes @seshi it's very fragile, the veneer of 'ok-ness' isn't it? X

Basseting · 19/03/2018 13:43

I agree about the 'veneer of Ok-ness' (great term, ginger!)

It is easily disturbed, one way or the other.

That's why NC is so important. (((()))) Seshi

NK1cf53daaX127805d4fd5 · 19/03/2018 13:52

I also agree with the veneer. I thought I was 'managing' my guy okay but he disappeared mid conversation on Fri night and I was really upset yesterday. I called him up on it last night and he said because he was getting too deep. We only get so far and then he freaks out and goes AWOL. And so the merry go round goes on and on.

I did have the pleasure of calling him high maintenance and a diva though!

Ravenscloak · 19/03/2018 13:59

I completely understand that seshi You think you’re doing ok and then something just triggers it again. Perhaps you can go to the concert and find out where you stand, and then depending on that make a plan. It also shows why NC is good, stops you reacting when in an emotional state. I’m sorry you’ve had such an up-and-down time of it all.

I suspect you can do better than someone who is so hopeless with phones as well!

Bloodyuselessatthinkingofaname · 19/03/2018 14:10

belonger Yes that sums it up - not contacting seems like the natural thing to do.

ravens yes we also parted on good terms relatively and we both said what an amazing time we had had together . In a way it makes it harder .

seshi it's the second guessing all the time that does your head in . We all deserve better .

Basseting · 19/03/2018 15:00

I am having a tough day.
Dd is school refusing (SATS...) and apparently it is 'because I am ' causing her anxiety by bringing her to school' (she's 10 and we live a mile away, rurally, no pavements on part of it, recent heavy snow still lying). She has dyslexia but school wont investigate. They wont reply to letters. I asked a County person who was a speaker at a recent public meeting and she said school were not being correct and she'd phone. Just got hauled in and the Head went loco about that and spoke of 'her concerns about the family'. ExH has severe depression and is really struggling so I am totally on my own here. I have to go back in for parents eve appointments later.
Sorry, not NC related I know and DOM would be awful and MF prob wouldnt know what to say either. But I am sitting here shaking.

NK1cf53daaX127805d4fd5 · 19/03/2018 15:26

The head sounds very unprofessional. What were her concerns? Hope you are okay Flowers

ThePartingLass · 19/03/2018 16:19

That sounds really tough Basseting. Can you contact the county person? Maybe she can step in? Good luck with parents evening Flowers

Belonger · 19/03/2018 16:23

Sorry about all that basseting, sounds really harrowing. So hard to have to deal with it on your own too. Big hugs

Original poster
seshi · 19/03/2018 16:24

@basseting thats so tough... You have so much to deal with aside from the NC you really are a strong woman. We need you on what's app so we can arrange our meet up.... You definitely deserve a treat... Flowers

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anxiousnow · 19/03/2018 17:30

Basseting sorry you are having such a tough time. Don't let the head try to deflect their failings on to you with concerns about the family rubbish or about SATs. They really do not matter. My youngest ones school offer a trusted member of staff coming to your home to help bring in DC's if they are reluctant to go in. Can your school offer anything like this? Big hugs Basseting Flowers

Basseting · 19/03/2018 17:30

NK Lass Belonger seshi THANK YOU!!!

I just got back and managed not to cry. The Minutes of the meeting are 'creative' too (and leave lots of bits out). The teacher I spoke to just now who is in charge of dd's 'well being' has not even seen the Head for 2 weeks - the lack of communication is incredible for such a small place.
seshi I will. I will pm you too re dates.x

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