The Fabulous Crown wearing cafe. No contact thread part 9...

[seshi]

Hello ladies for anyone attempting, going through or wanted to try No Contact. We don't judge on here... Just lots of lovely support and advice... Come join us

Thanks Bloody that is so true . . . not had a great day here (again! too many bad days. I hate it!)
Missed out on yet another job I interviewed for . . . the third this month. Thought I'd done really well in the interview too. Boo. Then mister 10 going on 14 was being obnoxious so I confiscated his phone . . . cue tears (from both of us). And I keep torturing myself with remembering conversations with ex about how he doesn't need me and has moved on and is having the time of his life without me. .. still getting over breakup and he was being an arse (hence why I am trying NC). Sorry to be so negative !
Oldbrook good luck with the new job! haha I have to admit the shredded pants thing made me smile! ginger sorry to hear that. Feel free to vent away some more here! Belanger good luck for your date. You never know - he could turn out to be OK?

@Oldbrook is it possible that the reason he hasn't replied is BECAUSE he knows it will hurt?

It is a temporary sting but I sympathise. Ex asked to accompany me to my blood test tomorrow 'in case I feel woozy'. So we're back to the 'nice' part of the cycle again.

Did you tell him to shove off ginger? The nice part is manipulative and not worth the nasty part.

I had a reply to my email in which I admitted my own issues and my part in our relationship breakdown (putting too much pressure on him to be everything to me and being jealous of his DCs when he dropped days with me for them.) He was very gracious and kind, said I was unique and beautiful inside and out, that he missed me too but was going to be ok and was feeling good. Not sure if it helped or not really . I certainly feel better knowing he doesn’t think I’m a bitch but as you know ginger, when they are nice it makes you forget the nasty side and wonder what you’ve done!

Sorry you're struggling a bit about the lack of communication oldbrook. You just can't know what it means, if anything, so try to put it to one side and focus on nurturing yourself through this wave of sadness. I think our minds try to protect us from feeling sad by ruminating, but it just delays the inevitable.

Oldbrook, was the message sent after the lunch? I’m sure he’s just feeling hurt that he’s not special anymore, he was part of a bulk mail, you weren’t fussed about seeing him at lunch (presuming it went ahead without you?) and so he’s punishing you by ignoring you (NC from the other side - it stings doesn’t it?!). Don’t read any more into it than you need to or let it spoil your day.

@Oldbrook @Belonger I say d I appreciated his offer but it was t necessary. It's only a blood test. He then texted back saying he insisted so I sent him this:

Not heard from him. Presume it's done the trick. I don't feel good about myself when I'm with him. I just wish I could shake the longing and wishing that it could be somehow different. But it never is.

Will be interesting to see what he does with that! What usually happens at this stage in the merry go round with him? Is he likely to be nasty or try to win you round now?

OldBrook
"If he was indifferent I think I would have still got a short 'good luck' or some such. I could drive myself mad thinking about it. No response could mean anything from not caring to not wanting to say goodbye.
Or what ginger said, to punish me"

It's very hard. You did the brave (imo) thing by not going. Yet still it is possible to be tormented. I doubt he is indifferent. He probably 'didnt know what to say' (as he does care) so took the cowards way out and stayed slient. Thing is, even if he does care, if this is how he handles it then he is not much good to you.

I know what you mean about 'moving away from the alt future and the prospect of forever feeling clearer'.

What's on the breakfast menu then? Eggs, spinach, tomato and coffee for me pls?.

Morning all!

Belonger how does your NC make you feel hard to love? That doesn't sound good at all.

Bloody sorry you are feeling nauseous. Yucky feeling.

Agree with the others Seshi send that message!

Ravens I read a lot of them sites at the begìnning of NC. You will get past it.

Oldbrook how are you feeling?

It won't ever be different I'm afraid ginger. You know exactly who he is and he isn't going to change. The longing is like a wave you need to ride it out and it will subside with time.

How do you feel in general about being single? Sometimes a fear of being single can make people keep giving a bad relationship another try.

Yes. Actually I do feel a bit different this time. I think because instead of trying to make him understand how HIS BEHAVIOUR affects me (which he can deny/ignore/deflect etc) I am focusing on how I FEEL when we are together. He cannot control that because it's not about him, it's about me and how I feel. I've no doubt he'll go back to frosty/stonewalling etc after that last comment. I said it to him: "I don't feel good about myself when we are together". He won't like that.

I do feel a bit better. Flat and neutral at best, but not in the pit of despair. Probably because I haven't seen him since Thursday. Life is calmer when I don't see him.

@Belonger I'm not frightened of being single per se it's just I'm suffering with the 'sink costs' argument I think. Neatly 7 years of my life wasted on trying make something work that clearly doesn't. It's the waste that gets me.

I'll have a full English and a mug of builders tea please. Haven't eaten properly for days - didn't wine last night though so that's positive!

Oldbrook I'd say you not showing to the lunch really stung him and he's sulking. He's not used to you not idolising him. Good on you. You are so brave and really know your self worth.

Ginger good on you telling your guy to bog off

My I'm glad you got a nice email back, that's good.

Basseting I'll have an Eggs Benedict please with a nice cup of tea

Gets pans out. Rolls sleeves up.

Eggs benedict huh? now I have to concentrate a bit...

Some fresh Danish for brekkie 'pudding' (like I had on Sunday?)

I'm very high maintenance Basseting

No, I am the HM Queen NK (according to DOM)
I was when I was younger perhaps.
but actually last time I stayed the weekend (and he popped out to see someone else i later discovered!) he said I was 'exceptionally loving and tolerant'. He almost sounded disappointed. Part of me wondered/s if he was revealing his horrible behaviour deliberately to see at what point I would crack and make a scene. Part of me thinks he would like that / enjoy the paroxysm of guilt / grief / apology etc. (this is a pattern in ALL his prev relationships) plus he does a lot of time praying on his knees etc
So.... NC is actually what he wants from me, interspersed with demands. FFS no wonder being kind reasonable and patient got me nowhere!