The Fabulous Crown wearing cafe. No contact thread part 9...

[seshi]

Hello ladies for anyone attempting, going through or wanted to try No Contact. We don't judge on here... Just lots of lovely support and advice... Come join us

Yes it's hard to break entrenched habits. I know this of old.

ginger the poor guy, having to put up with such outrageous behaviour, you should jolly well think yourself lucky to have him.... HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

'lovely, fun, professional, light hearted, funny, confident, understanding, loving'...
Aka
'willing to put up with my crap'

Hah yes. Poor chap. He could've had it worse though... I mean I could've put a profile on POF, or shagged someone else, or stolen a shit load of money and equipment from his business. Good job I didn't because that would be unforgivable, right? Unless you're him of course. In which case I refer you back to my comment about hormonal harpies. Because I just need to shut up and get back in my box, clearly!

Pfffttt.

How on earth have you managed not to reply with exactly that ginger!? You're stronger than I am But probably best, as he'd just ask if it was 'that time of the month' again.

@MyRelationshipIsWeird he's been texting me asking if I'm 'feeling better' as I had my period last week.

The reason I decided to go NC (well low contact at least) was because of a number of things leading up which bring me to the same conclusion time after time - that this relationship is not fulfilling my needs. I tell him these things are causing me a problem. I get to the point where I can't cope with the bullshit, I pull the plug and so it becomes about my cycle. Before my periods/peri menopause became the issue it was not taking my anti depressant meds properly.

The point is, my hormones may be up the swannie. I may be more erratic etc (more than likely), but in real terms, as said upthread, it means I'm reacting to his bullshit.

Eg he is always late. Oversleeps, reneges on appointments, doesn't remember to do things, avoids problems so I have to deal with them. This happens regularly and obviously if I'm at hormonal part of my cycle, I'm a lot Less tolerant. But his part of this pattern is miraculously whitewashed out (not to mention the trust issues I have) and it becomes simply about me. At new year, our problems were due to lack of time alone because my eldest was refusing to go to his dad's. now that's resolved, it's my periods/hormones.

Wow ginger he really is a piece of work. I can see how that would gradually grind you down though, until you really start to doubt yourself. It's huge that you are seeing all this for the crap it is!

I don't know much about gaslighting but is this an example of it?

I do feel crazy. That's why I know I have to steer clear. We've been together nearly 7 years but really only the first two were good. I moved closer to his home town nearly 5 years ago and it started slowly unravelling from then on really. A slow, steady erosion of trust, respect and kindness that as you say, has just ground me down to expect almost nothing and accept it willingly. What a sap!

I think so. My stepfather was uncannily similar so read into that what you will!!!

DO NOT BLAME YOURSELF!!! We're all just human, and we are sometimes vulnerable to love kernels that's all. I know I am. We have histories/upbringings that make us susceptible as well I think and I don't underestimate the impact of that.

The important thing is that we're here now taking steps to unravel and change old patterns. I feel much better for just writing down how crap I have felt sometimes from the pattern I got into.

(I just realised that I really want him to text me today because I am so in the mood to delete and ignore! Not because I want to reply)

Ah yes the elusive 'upper hand'

What a misogynistic twat he is Ginger
Lets blame women hormones for not tolerating a thief, a crook and a twat.
I would not have put up with that ...

@Teensandfuture

That's the thing though @Teensandfuture I didn't! I put a rocket up his arse and he retaliated by stealing one of the family dogs. He doesn't care how low he stoops because he can put it in a box marked do not open, and pretend it doesn't matter any more.

he stole a dog? wtaf

Love the love kernels song!

Btw, am going to have some creative writing sessions in the cafe. We've got some amazing stories to tell and a fabulously supportive group to share them in!

Yep. Kids were devastated. It was after I chucked him out for finding out he'd been on POF. He dog sat for me while I was away with the kids and I came back and he'd taken one of the dogs ("his" dog, according to him). After that I discovered he'd been shagging someone else and then I discovered he'd been siphoning client money into his personal account. He then stole equipment I needed and started dating immediately. It was a difficult time. Dog was paid for and funded/adopted/insured/microchipped by me/in my name. Not a damned thing I could do about him. Didn't see him Xmas time because he wouldn't let the dog come over on Xmas day saying it was his fucking dog and I need to get the fuck over it.

I love a bit of creative writing!!! And if you've never watched crazy ex girlfriend, get yourself on Netflix!

ginger
I am just back from an autism meeting where I got support (fellow parents not profs but never mind). It is VITAL.

Your 'NC' is an utter wankbadger is he not?

So he steals, lies, and gaslights.
But the problem is your menstruation issues?

FFS!!! (he makes DOM seem enlightened...)

ginger just read yoru 12.54 post.

He has got NO proper boundaries has he? So he has to violently project all his crap on you. If he faced it himself it would be so enormous as to be unbearable. Well, he can dump it on someone else now! ((()))

@Basseting at 'wankbadger'

Yes he is indeed an utter twat.

It's only when I read it all back I see how low I've got and how little I'm prepared to accept.