The Fabulous Crown wearing cafe. No contact thread part 9...

[seshi]

Hello ladies for anyone attempting, going through or wanted to try No Contact. We don't judge on here... Just lots of lovely support and advice... Come join us

I see what you are saying lastchancesaloon but NC is about accepting it and moving on. And it actually keeps the drama down if you can stay NC - no more messaging back and forth. Many people here have said exactly what you suggest, let’s make it work but it still doesn’t. This thread is a safe place to say what you’d like to say to your NC but won’t, and eventually come to the place of strength and realisation that you are lucky to be at.

For my part a period of NC has been great for me to step back from the initial pain of rejection, evaluate our relationship more clearly, and I will get in touch at some point, exactly as you suggest, but having behaved with dignity and given him some space to consider our relationship too. I have great self-esteem and I won’t be counting my days NC and posting on here forever, I will have moved on.

I would say I'm also in a pretty good position recently. Not forgotten him yet, but I'm not hurt or sad anymore.
lastchance seem to completely misunderstanding the purpose of this thread .The ranting will be ignored by most anyway..

Yes Teens you are definitely in a good place too.

Ravens I agree with you. I think NC removes a lot of the drama!

So I was doing really well with NC - nearly a week- and then NC did something today to make me jealous on social media so I deleted him from my accounts.

He's then messaged me saying how he can't believe I've deleted him, thought we were going to be friends blah blah blah.

Stupidly I've responded telling him how upset I am because I like him so much, how much I missed him etc. WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME. Has anyone had a hiccup? I think this is pretty much it now, I've seen he's back on Tinder and has unmatched me. I know he's wrong for me, why do I care so much!!!!!!!! Why do I want him back?

Has anyone had to start NC again after messing up like I just have? :(

lastchance
Well I am here to get support from others to stay away from an abusive relationship (DOM).I am also practicising low(mindful) contact in another friendhship. It is very helpful for me. There is no 'game playing' element for me and I think it is rather more than that for others too.

Regaining / retaining Dignity is the whole purpose.

@lastchancesaloon81 you've come on to this thread and thrown about your judgement. That's not supportive and much as you might consider this to be 'game playing' it's actually a way of disentangling yourself from something that you know is toxic but also something you are frightened to be without. Try not to be so scathing. It works for the people here. If we wanted to be told how stupid we were we'd go on AIBU!

I’m doing really well. Have just sent him about 30 messages of abuse on day one.

anonymous2018 step AWAY from that device!

If you feel angry with him, he now knows. If you have more to express, do it (anonymously!) on here.
This thread is a place to vent stuff and also to receive support to make dignified progress.

@anonymous2018 I've been there. The only person you will hurt is yourself. As @Basseting says, you need to step away. Talk to us instead. X

anonymous if it's any consolation I did that once to an ex 3 years ago when we split. (sent about 5 angry ranting texts!) I was so angry and upset. Now, three years later we have reached a place of friendship. In fact he called a week ago and we had a good three hour long chat!

With that guy I was very raw for about 2 months but then met someone else, and 8 months later we had a chat and by that point I was pretty-much indifferent as to whether he was single or not.

Wish I could say the same for current NC. 2 months since NC started and I don't feel any further on at all! I know why that is but there's not much I can do about it.

Thanks. Have managed to calm down slightly. I just hate how heartless he is being and obviously I'm trying to convince him to stop this behaviour 'before it's too late' when in reality he won't and it'll never be too late because I'll always let him come crawling back :(
It's so hard.
Helpful to see that others have made it far past this situation though.
He is hiding behind mental health and I have to be completely honest and say while I think he has mental health issues - I don't think it's the one he says he has!

oldbrook good luck with your new job today. Let us know how it goes when You have a chance

We have all tried sending the magic message that will change their mind and they'll come running back a reformed character. Whether it be trying to make them laugh or telling them how sorry we are when maybe we don't have anything to be sorry for or highlighting how good it was etc etc. It rarely works but don't beat yourself up about it. We are reacting to their treatment. If they had been straight, honest, fair or explained etcwe wouldn't be reacting the way we have. Please write any more on here.

seshi sorry your run was cancelled. Hope you have managed to keep your spirits up.

Really busy weekend so sorry not much time to post on here or in group but thinking of you all as always xxx

oldbrook good luck for the new job. You'll smash it.

anonymous I did that a lot in the early days. I know his hard it is not to but it really does achieve nothing and just makes you feel rubbish. It was this thread that stopped me, someone said imagine his smug, mocking face when he gets the messages. That thought stopped me...eventually! It's tough. I am pretty much out the other side but it's been a bumpy road to get there!

Hear hear Oldbrook, it's so much more now then it seem to outsiders.
Good luck with first date at new job, you deserve great things !
For a moment I thought: what she's on about? How can she start new job on Sunday evening 😁

first day what a slip of the tongue 😂

100% agree with you Oldbrook and really what do we care what a ranting/venting person has to say. We all adore each other

Good luck on the first day Oldbrook. Let us know how it goes

@Oldbrook yes. I know we don't know each other but the care and support you've all given, and that I want to contribute to, has made me feel so much better about a situation I know is bad for me. It IS NOT just about NC. It's about reclaiming our worth and this series of threads has helped me more in 6 months tjan I've been able to do in 4 years.

@Teensandfuture who knows!!!!???? 😁

Good luck with the new job today oldbrook !

bassetting love the Japanese vase thing .

Am going to report back on that book Fck the Feelings - have started it and it is about looking at what you ARE doing that is positive . AS he says the real F words are Fairness and Feelings - those are the things that mindfck you .

Oh and this ....

@Bloodyuselessatthinkingofaname
I'm double bagging