The Fabulous Crown wearing cafe. No contact thread part 9...

[seshi]

Hello ladies for anyone attempting, going through or wanted to try No Contact. We don't judge on here... Just lots of lovely support and advice... Come join us

Just popped back in to catch up. Good luck Oldbrook with your new job and arf at you double bagging Ginger made me laugh. for all

@MrsGryllsTheSecond 😁

We should gag and double bag so they can't melt us with their sweet words either. Imagine hi do you mind if we meet for coffee but you are not allowed to talk until date 4. Actions speak louder than words and all that oh and just gonna wrap your jewels

God anxious you're so right there x

We could go on forever couldn't we. No hugging me too tight with those big arms either again due to the melting.

Morning Day 25 NC for me here just starting. Let’s be strong today.

Morning all, hope everyone has a good day. I had a screen-free day yesterday which I really enjoyed, but have lots of posts to catch up on today! Hope everyone is ok x

I think I’m going to contact him at some point after 30 days NC. I sort of need to know if he’s moved on or not. What he’s thinking. I’m dipping my toe in OLD but just not sure I can be bothered.

So lots of advice is to contact them after 30+ days and then with low key texts not about where relationship went wrong etc. Other advice is never contact them, wait for them to contact you, but then a little bit of me thinks (as last chance said, though of course it’s not nearly that simple) just to tell him how I feel and then draw a line under it. Oh well - I’m still going at least another week!

Hope the new job is good oldbrook

Hope your new job has gone well oldbrook!

What do you mean "using screens " less now ? oldbrook

ravens congrats on Day 25 ! I would agree 100% though with what oldbrook says on the Day 30 situation above. To me if they haven't got in contact then they have moved on. If it makes you feel happy that you are having "one last go " then fair enough but you then will have to go through all those feelings again . You never know you may feel differently in another week's time . I think a lot of us though can't accept the truth until our noses are well and truly rubbed in it .

I think I have stopped counting Days now as I have accepted that it is over so no need. I think it's just another stage that you get to .

Ah Ok thought that was the case and yes you are right - we all fall into this trap . You go to do something "legitimate" and before you know it you have diverted to random stuff .

Waves to OldBrook

how is new job??

how is book going?

I agree with you. I think sometimes we need it absolutely spelt out with no shadow of doubt for us to finally get the message x

I’ve deleted Facebook from my phone and am spending a lot more time reading as I find it properly distracts me in a way that TV doesn’t. I don’t have NC on Facebook or WhatsApp so that wasn’t an issue but I felt Facebook just wasn’t helping at all xx

Morning all. So glad the job went well Oldbrook.

Ravens I agree with the others. If he hasn't contacted you within the 30 days it means he has moved on

Basseting well done on the screen free day. I am trying to go longer periods without going on mine too.

Morning Bloody and anonymous

Someone ( ?) on here had said they had stopped counting ...it put it in my mind ... I think that the actual counting is actually tying me to him in some way whereas now I am on about Day 39 ? ( I think ) . TBH I think it is just "time" that has helped and I am just accepting that it is really over. I am realising that lack of direction in other aspects of my life were also making me cling onto him. He was a great diversion while I went through the final stages of my divorce but now I need to move on .He has made his choice and it doesn't involve me . I also realise that I was mad to even consider him as "viable".

When I was on my OL date on Friday this guy actually referred to going out with people in the past for a while then spending a couple of months "getting over them " and I think I thought - yes this is normal, I am not a freak ! Was reassuring to hear a guy say it I suppose .

Sitting here actually deleting some of his "file " - various things I had written about it all at various stages - some of it was password protected anyway ( in case I died in the night ) and I have forgotten the passwords now. I haven't deleted all but maybe this is a step in the right direction.

To add - however I am well aware that how I feel this morning will not be how I feel in 6 hours time . I am trying to concentrate on what my new book (F*ck Feelings) is telling me and that it to focus on the POSITIVE that you are doing as opposed to what you are not doing . After all I spent 7 months doing that - telling myself the positives of seeing NC and disregarding the negative - so well practised !!

I also feel like the counting is holding me back a bit - and I also agree very much with 'this is normal' - it does take time to get over someone, and I think I had forgotten that. I do think that this era of instant and constant communication makes it harder for things to end healthily. Before social media, surely when a relationship ended it was much more 'finished', you weren't going to be seeing their life unfold in front of you, and i think that was psychologically much easier (although of course painful).

So I'm on day 9 maybe, of NC attempt 7 million! But the counting doesn't feel so relevant now because I'm not having to grit my teeth to stay out of contact, it feels like the natural thing to do. Don't get me wrong, I still think about him and sometimes I long for him, but that is massively much less than earlier.

oldbrook is your book the project you mentioned that you're enjoying? Is it a memoir?