Little Friend??

[FriendOrFwend]

Been seeing someone for 3 months, things are going well. See eachother once/twice a week, speak every day, speak on the phone. He’s met my sister (not planned, we bumped into her on a date) and she loved him. We haven’t had a talk about ‘us’ yet but feels like it’s all heading in the right direction. Until today when he referred to me as his little friend in a conversation.

Now I can’t decide if he was being affectionate/jokey OR he does not see me as anything as other then a mate who he goes out with, has a good time then has sex with. What do people think?

He is texting you loads for a bloke
He must really like you to check in so often!

@SandyY2K

I'm exactly the same. I'm loathe to post too much about how and when to 'tackle the talk' because talk of exclusivity and all this modern dating stuff is foreign to me.

We just went out until we didn't or ended up married with kids and falling asleep with your mouth open 30 mins into the film on a Friday night.

^ Yep, that was my Fri. There was drool and everything. Luckily on sofa and not cinema. This time.

Friend, you had a much much nicer evening than me!

I would take it as affectionate. DH calls me his little sausage 😂

I think the mature way of dealing with this is to ask him, properly not jokingly, face to face, whether he sees you two as ‘an item’ or not.

However, I’m impatient, single minded & can’t focus on anything else until I’ve had a discussion I need to have. I try to control that, I know it’s a flaw, but it’s very hard. I’ve had some very serious conversations via text because I can’t ‘leave it alone’.

So, I think you should wait & talk to him, but I’d be the last person to criticise you if you don’t. What I would say though, is don’t be so offhand about it & bury it in a message if you want a reply.

Agree with @DrinkFeckArseGirls posts.

What I want to say but succinct.

I'm glad you had a lovely night op :),and even happier you didn't send that text..... Remember there's 2 of ye in this and you asking him are ye official almost means he gets to call the shots. I would enjoy what ye have,and not let this 'are we boyfriend and girlfriend' thing overwhelm you. Monday your seeing your gp,wait until at least then,and see how you feel about how you'd like to approach it. Ps,did you get your new outfit? :)

Ha ha, why thank you @DamsonOnThisDress 😌

OP, he sounds lovely, and he seems to make you happy - I have anxiety too, so I know how easy it is to get yourself into a spiral of panic over 'but what did that actually MEAN???' after reading a message. And then as soon as you're together with him, you feel silly for questioning yourself, because it feels so right.

Something I do is take screenshots of especially lovely things he sends me. So that when I feel that panic take hold about something that's open to interpretation, I look at those instead, and remind myself that from his point of view, he almost certainly didn't mean it that way, and my instinct is to always place the worst possible meaning on things.

And FWIW, he calls me 'little one' and I just absolutely melt when I read a message from him that says that. Which is not to everyone's taste, but it's his name for me, because I am short, and it's a running joke between us. Your chap sounds like he's just as unsure as to how to refer to you as you are with him. Perhaps he was just testing the water, but doesn't want to make it into a huge deal?

This thread is making me anxious for op. Pleased that pp's writing not to push. Damson, great advice!
Mum of boys here.
My sons get regularly wary of the ' where is this going?' pressure. It puts them off because they don't obsess like women over every little thing.
One of their friends signed up to a app, that is becoming increasingly popular, whereby the app sends generic texts every few hours so they can just get on with their days without having the pressure to text at work etc.
The app sends texts like ' Thinking of you ' ' Hope you're having a good day '
Op don't do anything! It's all going well without this.
When you initially started this thread and did text about being called a little friend note he backed off, ignored it and didn't call that night as planned. That was a warning sign.
Wait until you speak to your counselor about how to keep your anxiety in check to avoid pushing too soon.
It's only been a few months, there is nothing going wrong, let things progress with out all this pressure. Women on here are so aggressive and pushy.
You had a great last date because you didn't start nagging. Remember that.
I married a man with 6 brothers and had sons so I'm more familiar with the men's perspective and pushy women scare them off.

Your sons sound like a delight

Good Morning everyone. I’m up bright and early still reliving the trauma that was soft play.

Meow how are you today? Hope you’re feeling a bit better

I’m really glad I didn’t send the message. I’ve read it back and sound like an idiot.
I’ve woke up feeling really anxious again. I know you might think I just ‘pop a pill’ when I need to have this conversation but the physical effects of the anxiety are so, so strong. I could be sick with anxiety, my chest aches, I feel teary and shaky... and I can’t even pinpoint what I feel anxious about. I’ve got lots going on and when I wake up my brain instantly thinks of everything and I start to panic.

I am really going to try hard to enjoy it for a little bit longer. I gave it a lot of thought yesterday and I have this thing in my mind where I want to know if we are boyfriend and girlfriend. Now, I really like him and want to be with him. BUT I’ve come to conclusion that I also want a boyfriend. So this thing in my mind about whether we are official is more whether I can use the word boyfriend when talking about him. Just to be able to say I’ve GOT a boyfriend. I know how that sounds and I don’t want just any boyfriend because I have turned down people who wanted relationships with me over the past couple of years because I haven’t felt that way about them. But I think that’s a big part of my wanting to know if we are official thing. Does that make sense to anyone? Probably just sounds like ramblings of a crazy woman but hopefully it’ll make sense.

Trying not to obsess over the texting thing. Heard off him before work, break time, after work then he text about 6ish saying he was off out for his friends birthday and to have a good evening (amongst other stuff, it was a very long message). I replied about 8ish as I’d been out with ds and I haven’t heard anything since. But that’s fine isn’t it. He wasn’t out, said to have a good evening. And it’s only 7.30 am 🙈 god. I am ridiculous.

Anyway! Happy Sunday everybody. I was hoping for breakfast in bed but think it’ll be a McDonald’s breakfast on the way to visit dm. Then we’re off for dinner with dsis and my 2 nieces. No obsessing allowed at the dinner table!

He wasn’t out*

Aghhh bloody fat fingers and auto correct. He WAS out not wasn’t out

Oh and I just want to thank every person who has taken the time to reply. You have helped me SO much and I really appreciate it

Totally understand getting wound up about the boyfriend thing and that’s what this is all about isn’t it?
I would go ahead say he is your boyfriend to others anyway if you’re exclusive!

I really don’t understand the need to categorise it: you are in the early stages of an exclusive relationship with someone you don’t yet know well. Him being happy to be called your bf and calling you his gf doesn’t in itself mean the relationship will go well or be a long one.

His and your actions on other things are far more important. If he is into you he will be good to you, arrange to see you regularly, introduce you to his friends etc. You also need to see whether, as you spend more time with him, YOU still really like HIM! And want to introduce him to your friends.

I have an anxiety disorder and have every sympathy on your anxiety.

OP but you're a boyfriend and a girlfriend. What else you could be? I don't understand why you cannot call him your boyfriend. It's not like he needs to confirm, give you a permission. To me you're a couple not some mates with benefits. He is your boyfriend

OP do you ever message first?

I think I am very similar to you and was in tears waiting for calls and texts at the start of current relationship. After we became "official" he mentioned he wasn't sure i was into him as i never messaged him first and he didn't want to annoy me by always messaging or calling if i didn't want that level of contact. It's important for the man to feel wanted too!

Yeah I message him first all the time but we always kind of continue the conversation rather then ending it then starting a new one. I ring him and he rings me. I text him then if something happens,like something funny or whatever.

We aren’t very lovey doves at all. We are very touchy feely and hold hands, cuddle etc but he doesn’t seem the type at all to make big romantic gestures. We joke and take the piss out of eachother quite a lot as we have very similar sense of humours. We get on so well and laugh all the time. I was having some trouble at work (nothing dramatic) and he was quite supportive and reassuring. And he sorted my car for me the other day when I mentioned my brother was coming to do it for me. So he’s good like that. When we go out he insists on paying ( I insist on taking it in turns so if he pays I pay for the drinks, if he pays for the film I’ll pay next time etc). So really everything he does points to that he’s into me and I’m 100% into him. But I know he’s a very nice person and I worry that if he wasn’t into me he’s too nice to say. But that wouldn’t be the case would it? He’d start pulling away, cancelling dates and stuff? But I’m over analysing everything and reading into every single thing.

If he wasn’t in to you, you wouldn’t see him. So er yes he’s into you!

Friend - Anxiety sucks but it seems it’s going really well. Distraction, deep breaths and one day at a time are your own friends here. And prescription meds, if they help.

Damson’s comments are absolutely spot on. Genuinely some of the best ‘advice’ I’ve ever seen on here.

Go ahead and enjoy a busy day!

He definitely isn't doing all that because he is too nice to say!

I think it’s utterly crazy to think you can’t/aren’t allowed/would look too needy to TALK to him about this.

You might have all your fears immediately assuaged or you might find out he’s happy with how things are and doesn’t want to promise you anything, blah blah.

All this ‘you’re doing really well! Deep breaths! Take your drugs!’ is really disempowering crap.

Talk to him, be honest - speak your truth.

You are having sex with him and falling in love with him - talk to him! You have every right to.

You're not looking for a cast iron guarantee, after all. You just want him to know you're happy with how things are going and you'd like to know if he is too.

He sounds like a nice guy. He treats you well and is helpful to you. You called him your man and he was fine with that.

Try to relax and enjoy what you have. You're in an exclusive relationship...the exclusive part would be most important to me.