Literally just saw a text on DH phone from my best friend saying lumu :(

[autismmumwithafamily]

What do I do.
Standing in the kitchen waiting for the kettle and my husbands phone beeps. It's a delayed text from midnight. It's from my best friend. It says 'nite gorgeous lumu'
I am stunned and my heart is going like the clappers. We have 4 children. She has been on family holidays with us, my children call her auntie. My marriage is not great but mainly because he's been foul to me recently. I can't even cry.

Do what creditons mate did

Only on mumsnet have we gone from very suspicious texting to rows of ducks and aggressive divorce lawyers in the space of a few hours.

Your DS will still see him. You can't stay because of the kids. It just won't work.

I'm so sorry you are going through this! Absolutely awful for you.
I know people do text others by mistake but based on what you've said my suspicion would be that its highly likely that something is going on.

1. If he texts her about shopping etc which is innocent enough, why does he need to delete the texts?
2. They seem to have plenty of opportunity for something to happen, e.g she lived with you for 6 months, stays over, they have time alone. He I texting her regularly
3. He has done this before at a horrendous time (no time is excusable), its likely he could do it again.
4. He is being foul to you which is a pattern you recognise and in itself suggests he is unhappy

What you do next depends on if you feel you need more evidence to be certain (or if you will need evidence for divorce purposes). Some people have made some suggestions on how to get more evidence, however it is also perfectly fine if you feel you have enough to confront them about this.

You may also want to think about your approach in terms of your plans for the relationship, e.g. Is it over for you? Do you want to work at it? Etc.

I hope everything works out for you at this horrible time. Xx

I'll bet your 'friend' doesn't delete the texts. Why would she bother?!

OP, I hope you are OK, well OK enough given the circumstances.

Have you a plan for the days you are due at work?
Will you be in immediate vicinity of OW?
As she knows you well, prolly she will pick up your shock & hurt feelings.

Is there a way you can not see her at work for a few days whilst you get over the shock?

I am loathe to suggest you take sick leave as this will affect yr sickness absence record. Maybe you could take a day or two as leave? This would also give you the run of the house to rummage in cupboards & online for essential documents, maybe have a call or appt with local bastard solicitor.

Once you have all documentation suggested & documented by yr solicitor, then it is in yr court to determine how to break the news that you all about their relationship. Knowing that you have taken all reasonable steps to collect evidence to protect you & your children will give you the space & flexibility to think more clearly about your future.

Tumblrpigeon, nobody is saying you need to instruct the lawyers, but surely in a situation like this one a little background organisation and advice would be pertinent? I certainly would want to be prepared, the OP's OH has form remember!

Agree with PP. Try and see the friend's phone

OP, I hope you're OK. This thread is clipping along at a great pace and you've been offered lots of advice. Do what you need to do. Prioritise yourself and your children. We're in your corner

Just reading through this again and so many people advising you to confide in your friend, the OW , whatever you do, Do not mention it to her she will tell your hubby and they both will be more careful.

This happened to me 5 weeks ago but not with my friend, was a randomer. God love you Op

PLEASE can we stop talking about confronting either of them. Are those who are suggesting this that naive that you think these two are going to confess?

*They don't know you know
*
Use this window of opportunity to read his messages while he's asleep/toilet/shower/whatever. Screenshot and text to yourself.

If you show your cards now they will deny everything and you will forever feel unsure if you did the right thing.

Get your evidence then tell them to GTF , pair of absolute low lifes

Sorry posted twice

This thread has just got me wondering how on earth people like this sleep at night? I don’t mean from the moral perspective, but through fear of making one wrong move and getting caught, especially the ones who are in a supposedly committed relationship, not so much the OW/OM. My anxiety levels would be through the roof. I mean, it seems only a delay on the phone network meant OP saw that text.

I hope you’re doing okay, OP.

@bosfer37 they did stay together, 15 years on everyone is quite civil! I want to be like my friend when I grow up

dontDIY -the woman in my case took to her bed suffering with 'depression' allegedly over the collapse of her marriage and allowed me to look after her kids in the afternoons whilst she did so. You couldn't make it up really...

Think they thrive on the secrecy and drama of it and fancy themselves as star crossed lovers or some such shite....

I would open another personal bank account and transfer half of your joint assets into for a start. Get some emotional support from family and some free half an hour's advice from a solicitor. Put all his stuff in bin bags and throw it onto her lawn. Tell him where he will be staying from now on and change the locks. He's going to love it living with her and her daughter and the new screaming baby. You will eventually see that you are well off without him and you ex best friend will become tied up with her grandchild and have no time for him. Shame!

Sorry to hear this OP

Sorry bloody phone just flipped out 😀