Literally just saw a text on DH phone from my best friend saying lumu :(

[autismmumwithafamily]

What do I do.
Standing in the kitchen waiting for the kettle and my husbands phone beeps. It's a delayed text from midnight. It's from my best friend. It says 'nite gorgeous lumu'
I am stunned and my heart is going like the clappers. We have 4 children. She has been on family holidays with us, my children call her auntie. My marriage is not great but mainly because he's been foul to me recently. I can't even cry.

I'm very sorry. Can't imagine how but hope this resolves.

I'd be buying myself some time, get everyone off out, to make sure I was fully in control of facts and finances.

X-post.

Is there anyway you can get out of the house so you aren't spending all day with him if he's not at work, just to give you some space to gather your thoughts? Maybe you need to do a food shop or go for a walk after dropping the kids off (if you're a SAHM)?

Wow! I don't think I could hold this in, I'd be going crazy right now.
Sorry op, this is dreadful.

Yes take a photo of it.

You poor thing. Same happened to me last year. We are still together but it’s not been easy. You have to get the facts. How long etc. Is your friend married? I felt like my whole world collapsed. Sending big hugs 🤗

Can you hide his phone. Do the school run. Sit him down.

Then text your 'friend' why the f are you texting my husband? And lumu... really!!

Then calmly discuss what you've seen. Her text response to his phone will be interesting and he will be panicked as he can't find his phone

I was in this situation and confiding in the very person my DH was having an affair with. Hard as it will be say nothing and carry on. If he is not working have you got plans together today? I confided in another friend I really trusted . I made the mistake of showing my hand before I gathered evidence and they initially denied it. As soon as you can get copies of all paper work and financial stuff together just in case. I feel for you as if it's true it's a double betrayal. Feel free to PM me

What a horrible situation. I don't have any advice other than to confront him once your children have gone to school.

Is there a name on the text? Could she have sent it to the wrong person? Cheaters don't usually leave their phones lying around.

Don't do anything in haste
Try to stay calm

This happened to me years ago where ex had his ow's number on his phone under a man's name so if she rang it would just come up as eg Steve phoning

Don't rush into anything
Keep us updated. Thinking of you

Has he seen the message yet?

Is she with someone else?! I'd photograph it and send it to the partner and tell him/her to deal with his side
Then I'd be having a very serious conversation with my husband whilst he was packing a bag

Could she have sent it to the wrong person?

It does happen. If I'm Natalia, then my husband used to have a much younger colleague Natalie. He once sent her a rather lovey dovey text in error, about which he was rather embarrassed.....

((((Hug))))

It’s the very worst betrayal. I am so sorry 💐

Can you get into his email, Whats.App. Instagram, snap chat whatever else is on his phone?

I’d screen shot the text & send it to her husband/partner if she has one.

Years ago when it was me in your situation (except it wasn’t my friend) I didn’t have MN (sadly), I did all the wrong things. I gripped on tightly, I did the pick me dance - over & over. I said I forgave him, we tried...well I did. Nightmare. Awful, awful time of my life. He’s an ex now. These days I would pack him a bag, hand it to him, tell he knows why & to get the fuck out. I’d tell him my solicitor will be in touch. It would be hard, very hard, but ripping the plaster off is better than doing it slowly.

He’s an utter, utter bastard. Do NOT let him blame you. Do NOT. It doesn’t matter if he was ‘unhappy’, it doesn’t matter if he was ‘lonely’ or any other shit he comes out with, he should have talked to you so you could work through it together or he could have left. There is NO valid excuse to have an affair. NONE.

Hope it goes ok today and it is a mis-text.

His reaction to the message will tell you all you need to know... if it was a mistake surely he'd comment on it to you?

This's such a betrayal. No advice except do not forgive either of them

why dont you ring her?

Cheaters don't usually leave their phones lying around

He's deleted all of the previous texts and it was a delayed text from midnight. To me that suggests they text late at night and he deletes the texts straight away in case, eg, OP needs to use his phone during the day.

I agree with NameChange in that if it was a mistake he'll probably comment on it to you in a 'you'll never guess what I got from NotFriend' earlier.

I wouldn’t even bother with her. Just ignore her completely. She doesn’t deserve your time, effort or understanding. Years ago I’d have reacted differently, but it really doesn’t help nor change the situation. Cuttng her dead is really the best way forward.

Don't reveal your cards yet. This is was to deny. You need evidence - for your own peace of mind too. They will lie and you will want to believe it. If they have been sneaky and callous enough to carry on behind your back, they will turn it round with faux outrage that you could ever think such a thing. Gather evidence and copt all paper work you will need. Other mums netters will be able to tell you exactly what.

I just read your username: I'm so sorry. You and your children don't deserve this.

Not even on a second phone, but his regular one? That is bloody bold.

I hope there is some reasonable explanation.

Meet up with her, and discuss how you think your dh you’d having an affair. But, also conveniently ‘lose’ his phone, because she will more than likely contact him, and you’ll have the phone...