Literally just saw a text on DH phone from my best friend saying lumu :(

[autismmumwithafamily]

What do I do.
Standing in the kitchen waiting for the kettle and my husbands phone beeps. It's a delayed text from midnight. It's from my best friend. It says 'nite gorgeous lumu'
I am stunned and my heart is going like the clappers. We have 4 children. She has been on family holidays with us, my children call her auntie. My marriage is not great but mainly because he's been foul to me recently. I can't even cry.

I’ve been thinking of all the things to say to tell him you’re into him,

“Do you want your mail redirected to your mums or bf’s house”
“Been reading a thread about a man cheating on his wife AGAIN, so help me I’d screw your life into the ground so much you’d wish you were dead if I found you playing away again”
“To cheat with a straanger us bad enough, but a friend? Someone would have to be the biggest shit in the world to do that’

I’ve also thought ... www.amazon.co.uk/Audio-Recorder-Recording-Device-Books-Gunmetal/dp/B071HSFG8D/ref=sr_1_4?keywords=Voice+activated&tag=mumsnetforum-21&ie=UTF8&qid=1520378800&sr=8-4

£20. Won’t break the bank and small enough to be hidden near his seat.

Dear friend - think DH is cheating on me - got a pi to follow him this last few weeks. They are very affordable you know! Looks like he’s guilty AF. Gonna nail his balls and name OW in the divorce papers!

Waiting on PI’s report .... just getting typed up!

Does he spend long in the shower? Apparently you can install legal spy software on his phone in 5 mind. It’s legal because you are looking after your emotional well-being and not for profit!

• minutes not mind!

I'd be so tempted to confide in her that you're worried you have an STI, think he must be having an affair, and you're getting checked out later that day. Then watch her squirm.

I know in reality I probably wouldn't dare to do anything like that though so just some for you OP.

www.spyguy.co.uk/MYSPY-Big-Ear-(listening-device,-recording-bug)/16.htm

@bloobagoo

It must be so hard for this poor lady to hold it all in. I’d be tempted to say there’s spyware on his phone recording everything and then watch ow try to contact him without use of mobiles! But I’d definitely be bugging the sitting room at night and when she stays over - 100% - either filming or audio,

Maybe she sent it to the wrong person and that's why there is only one text from her. Honestly I would just ask him.

Maybe she sent it to the wrong person and that's why there is only one text from her. Honestly I would just ask him.

OP - not beating around the bush - they are.

Have been in the exact same position as you, in exactly the same way. It is going to get v nasty.
I am 5 yrs down the line - with hind sight, say nothing, tomorrow morning, scan every legal financial document and then some so you have copies. No holds barred - you need everything and this is going to be oyur only chance.

Do not leave the house - he goes and let her husband know. I did not for about 6 weeks, was being threatened by both EX and OW (ex BF) once it was out in the open, it was much easier from the subterfuge, do not know wtf they thought they were achieving by keeping it secret.

Good Luck - effing arseholes - you will survive, but it is not going to easy, pleasant or vaguely friendly.

www.amazon.co.uk/Funshare-Camera-Battery-Executive-Multifunction/dp/B01N4N98WM/ref=cm_cr_arp_d_product_top?tag=mumsnetforum-21&ie=UTF8

Good reviews as spy pen, good images too and actually works as pen! Plugs into USB port on laptop to download.

I don't understand why you are going to bed so early every night even when you have a guest?

Were you doing this when she lived with you? 6 months of them bonding every night when you went to bed with the children. When do you and your husband normally have adult time? It seems like she took that normal husband/wife evening time and id guess it started from there.

*Book help
*
Really?? SMH

Maybe she sent it to the wrong person and that's why there is only one text from her. Honestly I would just ask him.

OP said his phone bill shows they've been texting daily.

Don't say anything to either of them yet. As soon as you do, they will reduce contact and they will both tighten up the security on their phones ie change passcodes, remove text from incoming text messages or change their names, start using code language etc. It won't make you any wiser as unfortunately there will be two against one.

I am guessing the late text message is a goodnight message to each other but there should be a string of other contact too. Does he have Facebook Messenger?WhatsUp?

I'm not sure how its done but I know somebody who was able to install a separate private email account on his phone that wasn't a mainstream one. None of the messages saved and the phone didn't beep to show an incoming mail. It was apparently for 'privacy' but it was because the person using it had been caught having an affair and instead of stopping as promised, started using an alternative email address.

And finally, are you sure your (ex) friend isn't on MN? Your family circumstances are identifying if she is......

Could it be an accidentally sent text? Maybe she meant to send it to someone else with a similar name. I would ask.

Maybe she meant to send it to someone else with a similar name. I would ask.

^^ And she would deny and what benefit would that be to the OP?

Worldsworstcook ...similar to the one I have, only mine 'looks' like a USB flash drive because for the occasion I wanted to use it, a pen would have looked out of place and possibly discovered. However, it tested perfectly, but the planned event didn't happen so it was never used (in the real sense), but I now know the results if ever that need arises in the future.

They can be placed among a bunch of flowers/artificial or real plant/placed on a picture frame/etc/etc in fact anywhere you wish. There are other styles to suit your lifestyle/location/etc to make them more 'discreet' while being 'visible'!!

OP, so sorry for you, sometimes you can't trust anyone it seems.

Op same thing happened to a male friend of mine, as in your case he also worked with his best friend. When he discovered the affair between best friend and wife he gathered evidence, planned how he wanted things to be post split re childcare, house etc then invited them both for lunch. He laid it all out 4 them at lunch, stayed very calm and businesslike, told them you are welcome to each other now here's how the practical things are going to work. I have always admired how he took control back! He went on to marry again, career success, great house etc 😃 I am picturing this for you

I'd meet the best friend", say that you have had your suspicions and hired a pi. Then say that it has been confirmed and there are two women. Tell her one is located in xxxx (wherever best friend is) and another 30mins away. Tell her you will get the report that evening. Watch her face!

Let this go, op, and you will regret it. This loser is going to hurt you again and again.

Wow, Crediton, just wow!

Sorry about this OP - please stay calm & try to gather evidence for when he denies / deletes / whatever

Bide your time OP. Take every opportunity to get evidence you can and start to think about bank accounts etc just in case you decide you want to call it off.

Has he got his phone back op? Is it possible he knows you've seen the message?

Truly treacherous behaviour from both! I am so sorry OP. Have you had any thoughts about what you want to do next?

The less sensible side of me wants to suggest that you burst into tears in front of your bf and 'confide' in her that your DH has been having an affair. When she asks how you know, tell her that the OW had the cheek to send you photos/phone you/'she came to my doorstep and she's sooo young and sooo pretty and I so hate her etc. Tell her she said they are moving away together....you could even throw in the STD idea...ok perhaps silly but so deserved!!!!!

I'm so sorry you're going through this. I would be tempted to confront her rather than him first.
She may come clean, especially if you say something like "i know you're having an affair with my husband", rather than asking her which she will deny.

Try find some evidence first though, If she doesn't though she will def tell him what you suspect so he will know and it will be harder for you to find evidence.