I'm 35 today I've realised my marriage is over

[mammymammyIRL]

Dh emotionally abuses me.
He shouted at me & shoved me in front of our four year old ds for the last time on Sunday morning.
I don't want my 7 year old dd growing up seeing her parents not getting along
I don't want them to think Daddy's getting cross with Mammy is normal or ok

I can't do the rest of my life living like this.

Hey Happier, Happy Anniversary to you!

And Happy Birthday for the other day

I've not been on much as I've been having chats with my Mum about things and I needed some screen free time, plus work has just been super busy.
Take care x

@Happierwithouthim, things are going slowly. The courts managed to lose my application, so I've been chasing. I was told that they had posted it out to H first class on Wednesday, but it still hasn't arrived, so I've no idea what's going on there.
We're making slow progress on child care and finances.

But I'll get there, eventually! Listening to stories like yours gives me hope and keeps me going

I'm out tonight so I might have a little gin to celebrate your one year on! 😂

Enjoy night out tiddly

Last night thought we were making progress, finally got some structure on weekends until end of April however he ignored the one weekend I said I was unavailable!
Looked at bank account this morning & his transfer due last fri was done last night but reduced by 40%
Going to pull him up on weekend as he made other mistakes too on it & wait until he's done this weekend with dc & made tomorrow's transfer before I call him out on it.

ARRRGGGHHHH @Happierwithouthim I'm angry for you. Funny how the 'mistakes' are in his favour. What a twat. I think my H and yours are brothers, same sort of things going on here, not enough going into the account and somehow takes him 2 weeks to get round to it. No structure to weekend childcare, it's just expected I'll have DS all the time UNLESS H wants to do something in which case it's just expected that I'll drop any plans and hand DS over

Sorry didn't mean to hijack your rant just not at all surprised at all the similarities between these selfish man-children

Oh Happier and Tiddley, I'm sorry that they are being twats! for both of you x

Oh definitely, I only specified one weekend that I couldn't have dc, and he tried to mess that up.

I was very firm in my text, you forgot about the only weekend I told you I wasn't available, I'm not around from 6.30am sat until 6pm sun. So he said he'll sort that out. Damn bloody right you will, I've plans made

His brother is separated so definitely not brothers

The money thing is another controlling mechanism, sooner I'm no longer tied to him financially the better!

H transferred rest of what was due last fri & this weeks amount yesterday. What's the betting he'll need to borrow from joint account before week is out?

It's only been 10 days since my last post but things have gotten even worse.

Been told to scrap the schedule, and it'd be week to week

My children witnessed him holding hands with his new girlfriend and I'd to deal with the repercussions. Turns out he's been meeting her while they're with him and has taken them to her house on one occasion. wtaf!

Oh that's awful @Happierwithouthim, how are DC? And how are you? How can he be so selfish?

I'm fine, can only imagine the village chatter last weekend though.
The dc are confused naturally
Ds (5) read a text that h sent to her saying he loved her stupid man doesn't even realise his son can read or else he cares so little for their emotions

Wow @Happierwithouthim, words fail me. He really is in his own little bubble isn't he.

I just think thank god you are rid of him! It's just a bloody pain that you still have to deal with him for the sake of the DC.

@tiddleypops it gets better.

I text him last night telling him what dd wanted to do for her birthday next month and the cost and got a reply saying he was struggling with bills, had to put tyres on his van, fix his heating.

I've several replies drafted in my head trips to Costa, football matches, overnights with his gf, where do his priorities lie but I've not sent anything yet.

Oh he confirms at least a couple of times a week that I made the right decision for me and my our two children.

Ha! Same here! H really wittering about money... Yet can afford a lads night out, can afford to buy booze and cash afford to spend money on hobbies etc. Idiots. Can't wait till mine gets a new girlfriend, he'll have a distraction! (Not that I'd wish him on anyone).

I thought that'd help here but it hasn't made much of a difference to be honest, I think he's still as bitter as ever, and everything is a row with him. I didn't respond to that message at all about bills and just sent a message at lunchtime informing him that the dc were starting swimming lessons today. Something he had tried his hardest to prevent even though we live on the coast
Next reply was he'd have the money for dd's birthday the day after it

@Happierwithouthim I've just read snippets of your thread. Feel like I'm at the start (I have a thread in relationships), and hopefully seeing your journey will help. Feeling pretty low and rejected right now.

@driftingcloud will check out your thread x

Oh Happier, that is just so shit! Why can't he see the damage he is doing, your DCs are lucky to have you. Why is it that they can have money for everything except their own DCs
Tiddleypops, sorry your ex is bad with money too.

When I tell p to go, I'm not going to hold my breath for any money from him, as even now I pay for mostly everything.
He doesn't always earn a good amount of money because he is on a zero hours contract, but even when he does get paid he pays himself first, even though I have a huge overdraft, which he doesn't mind benefiting from!
He has so many things in cash converters that are not only his, so some negotiating will need to be done.

Curvy I've stopped engaging with him & I'm all the better for it, once I've got my own house financially separate from him I'll get maintenance sorted by standing order & take that power away from him too.

He's telling dc that he has them 5 days a week & ive only gotten them two. I added up the hours they spend with him mentally while out running this morning it's 24 out of 168 in the week

Cos he's a narcissist curvy whose main priority is himself

Well done Happier.
That is very true

Obviously they're at school as well so I don't have them the remaining hours but still not what he's saying to dc.

after saying he wouldn't be able to contribute to dd's birthday he's taken over organising it this is to look like the big man in front of dd so I just let him off, takes some work from me and makes him feel important

Paperwork came through for selling house, I aim to have it on the market for 1st May at the latest.
Going to view a house myself in half an hour

Yay!