I'm 35 today I've realised my marriage is over

[mammymammyIRL]

Dh emotionally abuses me.
He shouted at me & shoved me in front of our four year old ds for the last time on Sunday morning.
I don't want my 7 year old dd growing up seeing her parents not getting along
I don't want them to think Daddy's getting cross with Mammy is normal or ok

I can't do the rest of my life living like this.

The day to day stuff that is the hard stuff. Keeping going in the face of everything he throws at you. I get that although I haven't experienced it.

Sorry if it didn't help. I didn't mean to seen trite or owt.
I will get it deleted.

Oh life you took me up wrong, I loved your post. I was just very despondent last night. All I've managed to get out of him is if he's taking the dc today, I want to get a routine in place and he doesn't

Ah bugger.
The misnomers of the written word where the intention is lost.

Still stands then. ((((Hugs)))) to you.

@life definitely written word can be misinterpreted sometimes.

Today I told h I was finishing work early thurs so would have the dc, and gave him option of tues/wed. I was meant to have a meeting tonight & he asked if he could put dc to bed instead of au pair, I said of course, and when my meeting changed I kept out of the way so he could still do bedtime.

Maybe the start of being reasonable from him? Don't blame you for staying out of the way.
How were the DC when you got back?

I doubt it life
I went out feeding the dog and looking after the hens & they were upstairs in bedroom when I came back, I just went up to check about their lunches for tomo and they were full of chatter, I left them to it.

At least the DC were ok.
Yeah probably too much to hope.

We'll see what happens today, it's not his day, see if he shows up anyhow at the house when I'm not home.

How did today go?

He stayed away, even got stuff from shed behind family home and didn't try get DC's attention

Starting to see effect on dc now. Dd has become very teary as expected but when asked all the things that are upsetting her doesn't include our separation, I'm guessing in an attempt to spare my feelings. Reason I say this is she's not happy with the way her friend is treating her but doesn't want to hurt her feelings by doing anything about it.

Ds has angry outbursts, roared at me to close the fucking door and shut my fucking mouth. Words he would have heard his father use but never used himself before. Once he had it out he was his usual self, came to join me in bed at 3.30am which is closest I'll get to I'm sorry!

DS will learn that's not acceptable. He has seen it before and will re learn new behaviours.
Does dd have some one she opens up to too. Mine tend to talk to my friend more.

It's still early days. Big hugs

It's very early days I'm glad they're expressing themselves rather than completely bottling it up.
I've got a why do I worry so much workbook for dd so going to go through that with her.

Ds knows it's not words we use at home, he'll get there too.

I knew myself that remaining in family home would be a disaster & this evening was prime example.
It was my evening with dc, yet h appeared no less than 4 times in the hour we were at home before activities.
Imagine what rest of my life would be like if I hadn't insisted we sell

Good grief he's a a tryer isn't he. YY to selling as soon as possible

Yep still nothing about this weekend & texts now to say he'll take one them to birthday parties as they overlap. What normal parents do all the time but he never has.

I made plans with dc for a lovely Sunday dinner & he decided he wanted to take them to a family kids birthday so I said I wanted them back by 4 so meat wouldn't go to waste, his response I'll bring them back at 6pm after their dinner.
I'm contacting solicitor tomorrow he's still controlling me just through the children now.

Solicitor tomorrow sounds like a must unfortunately. Stay strong mammy.

I will north

He arrived 20 mins early for dc this morning, I told them they weren't ready & would be ready at time he specified & let him wait outside for them.

I think you may need to get everything locked down in a court order. So when he tries to pull a stunt you can simply say "I'm sticking to the court order".

He is absolutely trying to control you through the children and is definitely not putting their needs first.

Grey rock might be your best bet.

Grey rock has been a friend for a long time, he tried telling me a story about something that happened yesterday and I looked straight through him & replied with uh

I think 35 is young. You have a big exciting future ahead of you.

I do too Janis just didn't want to be 60 & have lived 25 more years being miserable

I’m 41 and going through divorce at the moment. I couldn’t face growing old with him.